Disclaimer: Daria and all related characters are the property of Mtv and Viacom productions.

Note: This story is the next in the submariner Series... it takes place approximately three years after "Reunions."



The Sound of the Other Shoe
By
Wildgoose



PART ONE


(Steam poured from the bathroom adjoining Jane Lane's bedroom as she opened the door... a hot shower always felt so good after a long mornings run. Daria hadn't joined her today much to Jane's annoyance. Something she had to take care of down at the base... Jane sighed as she thought of all the times she and Daria had been of a very close rank. Even in the navy they had almost been equals... Jane really did hate the fact that Daria was an admiral. Even though Daria had made sure they were still working very close together as usual... there was the fact that she still had to salute Daria, at least when they were in public on the base. She'd never had to do that on the sub. Daria didn't like it... Jane new that, but because of rank it was still necessary. Jane sighed again and decided to put it out of her head... there were other things to worry about as she removed the towel from about her body and stood in front of the mirror noting that while she still retained an incredible figure, her breasts were beginning to sag a little.)

Jane Lane: I don't get it... there are young women Will's age all over the place with body's as good looking and probably firmer than my own. All summer long they've been leaving messages on the damned machine... he's a very handsome kid, they practically beat down the proverbial door. And yet he doesn't give them a second thought... doesn't show ANY interest in them. Girls around town were inquiring through Jane and Amy about a year ago as to whether Will was taking anyone to the prom... and he didn't even go. (Frowns) He can't be normal... no guy can have that many options and not get laid at least once. (Sighs as she pinches her sinuses) God,... please don't let him be gay... (Jane walks to the closet and begins to pick out the days wardrobe)

(Cut to Armstrong naval base later that morning... Jane after knocking on the door invites herself into Daria's office and shoo's out a young lieutenant who was delivering a file Daria needed at the time)

Daria: Nice to see you still knock... what brings you to work so late this morning?

Jane Lane: What can I say... I hate my job. I don't know why we were brought out of retirement anyway... it's not like we're doing anything really important.

Daria: (Straightens her glasses and then looks Jane over for a moment) All things being equal... I'd agree with you. But things are not equal... the president thinks what we're doing IS important. (Rolls her eyes) At least to Jodie it is.

Jane: (sighs) Why don't we just introduce her to Nierte... that way Jodie's curiosity will be satisfied and we can slip back into retirement where we belong.

Daria: You KNOW why we can't do that... and you mean to tell me that you actually enjoy sitting around the house doing nothing all day? Even your painting was starting to suffer... you were running out of ideas because you'd painted everything already.

Jane Lane: You mean to tell me you actually ENJOY working for the navy?

Daria: (scowls) Bitch...

Jane Lane: And even though you may have a point about me needing something to do with my day... why the hell do you stay working in this hole?

Daria: Well... don't get me wrong. I hate this job... and I can't wait to retire again. But at the same time the money I bring in makes life just a little more secure for the kids. And I only think about that because being a parent has a tendency to dull the cynical heart if just a little.

Jane Lane: You're not half the cynic you used to be, huh?

Daria: (Daria swivels in her chair to look out a nearby window) I'm not half of a LOT of things I used to be. I always believed I would be alone for the rest of my life... I'm now married. I could never imagine myself being a mother... I now have fraternal twin daughters. I NEVER imagined that they would actually drop the bomb... they did. The list is endless, Jane. And hell, even after all this time the worlds population is still declining. I thought for sure the world would over populate itself until we had no alternative but to jump off this god forsaken mud ball and start a colony on another planet somewhere..

Jane Lane: What brought THAT into the conversation? (Daria turns back towards her friend and tosses Jane the morning newspaper so she can read the front page)

Daria: There's that... and the fact that I got a related memo from the DOD saying that if I was still capable then I should consider doing what I can to counteract the problem.

Jane Lane: They sent that to YOU? Isn't that sexual harassment?

Daria: Probably... but they sent one to everybody. So I don't fee quite as bad about it.

Jane Lane: Not everybody... I never got one.

Daria: Don't beat yourself up... it's just another piece of inter office junk mail as far as I'm concerned. I'm not about to turn myself into a baby machine just to help the global population. (Beat) So anyway... getting back to the original topic...

Jane Lane: CAN you?

Daria: What...?

Jane Lane: CAN you still have kids?

Daria: Yes Jane... I have not yet reached menopause much to my surprise. Statistically I should at least be experiencing pre menopausal symptoms by now, but the Doc says my hormone levels are that of a woman in her twenties. Theoretically I could still have another kid if I wanted to... but I don't. (Dryly) Happy now?

Jane: Lucky... I'd kill to be able to have another. (Beat) Daria the baby machine... I just can't picture it. ( laughs and then pauses in deep thought) It's funny that you mention your sexual health... wouldn't it be funny if all that fallout years ago actually slowed the aging process for you? As opposed to sterilizing the rest of the population that is.

Daria: (sighs as she reflects on the past) Can we get OFF that topic please and get back to what you originally barged in about?

Jane Lane: Well you don't exactly look your age you know.

Daria: And what's THAT supposed to mean?

Jane Lane: You make it a habit to maintain certain facial expressions so that it appears that you're starting to get wrinkles like the rest of us. You didn't think I knew that?

Daria: (scowls) What did you barge in for, Jane?

Jane Lane: Oh come on Daria... remember that time you left the shelter and went out for supplies and then came home hotter than a uranium sample? (Chuckles) You were dog sick for weeks... you're lucky you didn't die. In fact you probably would have if one of the things you brought back wasn't those syringes of potassium iodide that FEMA was giving out for radiation sickness. (Smiles) By chance is there something you haven't been telling me all these years? A lasting effect the doctor may have told you of after all those follow up tests? Come on Daria... you can tell me.

Daria: (dry as toast) You're delusional Jane... I've never kept any secrets from you in my life. Now what did you barge in here for?

Jane Lane: (rolls her eyes and decides to drop the subject for the moment) Oh... I didn't barge in for anything other than to say hi. (Beat) Hi there, comrade!

Daria: You kicked my aid out of the office just so you could say Hi?

Jane Lane: Well... I had to make an entrance didn't I? If I didn't I'd be just like all the guys who come in every morning and greet each other by grunting. It sounds like a damned primate convention out there. (Daria leans back in her chair thoughtfully)

Daria: True... but they're just being themselves. They can't help being brainless idiots.

Jane Lane: I guess. (Long pause) Daria... can I ask you a question?

Daria: You're actually asking?

Jane Lane: Why not... someone once told me that I'm a class act. I might as well act the part.

Daria: Okay... shoot. (Jane reaches into her boot) NOT literally!

Jane Lane:(straightens up) Damn... (Beat) Okay, As it turns out I really DID barge in here for something,...I wanted to ask you about my son.

Daria: No thanks Jane... I already have two kids. Besides... I don't really think I've got that kind of cash on me. (Smirks as Jane flips Daria the finger) What about him?

Jane: (fidgets a little) Well... he just seems to hang around your house so much lately and...

Daria: You have a PROBLEM with your son hanging around my house?

Jane Lane: It's not THAT, Daria. It's just that... well since he's over there so much I was just wondering if you'd noticed anything weird about his behavior lately. (Shifts in her seat) I mean... he's not exactly what we'd refer to as an ugly duckling.

Daria: Are you referring to how much he's starting to resemble Jesse... physically that is. He HAS been working out from what my kids tell me. Are you worried that he's being excessively noticed by the female community perhaps?

Jane Lane: HELL no... I like the fact that he's being noticed. What I don't like is the fact that he doesn't return the damned favor and notice THEM.

Daria: Trust me... he does. He's just not interested in any of the women who have presented themselves thus far...at least that's what the girls tell me.

Jane Lane: He's not... interested in Jane or Amy is he? (Daria scowls) Hey... I'm just trying to rule out the worst case scenario here.

Daria: Last time I checked, William had no interest in courting his cousins. So you can relax, although if the worst case does pan out and they shack up then we could always complete the picture by buying them a trailer home as a wedding gift and then help them take the wheels off. (Jane raises an eyebrow and Daria rolls her eyes in response) All right... you've got me. I'm screwing your son behind my husbands back. (Jane smirks at Daria's jest) You know most parents would have become concerned at such statements... even if they were jokes.

Jane Lane: Come on, Daria. We were best friends before we ever became family... if I can't trust you then who can I trust?

Daria: I guess I'll have to come up with better ways to scare you then.

Jane Lane: (warily) You're not,...right? (Daria's face takes on a look of disgust) Well... then what does he DO during all that time he spends over at your place?

Daria: (shrugs) He spends time with Jane and Amy... jams in the garage on Mystic Spiral's equipment, talks to Neirte if she stops by...

Jane Lane: He talks to Neirte?

Daria: Yea... Amy taught him that sign language stuff a while back so he can understand her and every now and again depending on the weather, they all get the scuba gear out of the shed and go under so Neirte can talk verbally... they're becoming rather fluent in each others languages. (Rolls her eyes pre emptively) Yes... I've done it myself, I've heard her talk. She has a very nice voice. Happy...?

Jane Lane: Actually... I wasn't going to ask. But thanks for the info anyway. (Beat) He's not um...

Daria: No... I don't think he's into doing it with a Fey. Yes... your son is straight. Relax...

Jane Lane: (sounding enthused) You're a hundred percent sure about that?

Daria: My sources tell me he's got a stack of porno mags hidden away... he HAS had sex with a woman I just don't know with whom, and...(mumbles) He saw me once sun bathing.

Jane Lane: (trying not laugh) WHAT...? As in outside...without clothes? Since when do YOU have the cohognes to sun bath?

Daria: (scowls) I only did it once... I've seen the kids do it a few times and I figured maybe if I took a chance for once it might make me feel a little like a kid again.

Jane Lane: (still smiling) Did it work?

Daria: (smiles) It did actually... until William came over looking for the girls...and caught me. (Her face begins to turn a beet red)

Jane Lane: Are we talking topless or complete?

Daria: That last one. It must have been the first time he saw a naked woman in real life... he was trying desperately to hide an erection. I've felt very uneasy about it ever since, even though he apologized about it for days. But at least he never said anything about it to anyone.

Jane Lane: Why would he... people would think he had designs on his aunt. Do you have any idea how reputation damaging that would be?

Daria: More so than your fear of him with his cousins?

Jane: That's different... at least they're his age. You're well,...much older. No offense and all.

Daria: (scowls) Gee... thanks for making me feel better. I feel like I was trying to rob the proverbial cradle now.

Jane Lane: (trying her best to repair the damage) Relax, Daria. We all get caught in awkward situations.

Daria: You're telling ME to relax now? (raises an eyebrow) He's seen you hasn't he?

Jane Lane: I've scarred him for life probably... he walked in on me mid coitus... downstairs... on the couch... with Robert (Daria cringes as if she'd just seen something heinous) But all that isn't important, you know for a fact that he HAS been with a woman?

Daria: Yes Jane... as much as I hate to treat it like a major accomplishment. He has been with a woman.

Jane Lane: And it wasn't Jane or Amy?

Daria: Will you STOP that? Our kids are NOT being incestuous!!!!

Jane Lane: ALRIGHT... I'm sorry. I guess I should just be relieved that the signs point to him just being picky.

Daria: No problem... now is that all? Or do you have something else to distract me with?

Jane Lane: IS the worlds population really declining or is that some tabloid you handed me?

Daria: Yes... it's still declining. Since Y2K the worlds population has dwindled to about half it's original number. So instead of six billion... there's only three. All the senior citizens are going the way of the Doe-Doe and the sterility problem still plagues most of the other adults and some of the children in the world. (Beat) There's that and the fact that it's just too damned expensive to have a large family anymore.

Jane Lane: I wonder if I should get Will to get himself checked...

Daria: Oh yea... he'd go for that. (Pretends to be Jane) Son... can you blow a load into a cup for me so that I can make sure you'll be able to give me grand kids some day? (Jane scowls at Daria as she tries not to laugh)

Jane Lane: All right you bitch... what do YOU think I should do?

Daria: Jane... my advice is to just sit back and let nature take it's course. He'll find somebody sooner or later and do the thing guys have been doing for centuries.

Jane Lane: Knock her up?

Daria: (sighs heavily) Not that I'm condoning such a thing mind you.

Jane Lane: (chuckles) But the government sure would...

Daria: Way to boost my confidence in the work place, Jane.

Jane Lane: Hey... it's what I'm here for.

Daria: (Daria makes a gesture with her hands signaling Jane to withdraw) Glad to hear it... now SHOO!!

Jane Lane: (smirks) I'll talk to you at lunch. (Jane turns and leaves the room eyeing up a commander walking in the opposite direction as she enters the hallway.) (VO) Ooh la la... and I wouldn't mind having YOU for dinner.

(Cut to later that day, while on their lunch break Daria and Jane enter a local convenience store and begin to peruse the deli section. Jane blushes slightly as she hears the acronym M.I.L.F. come from one of a number of teens on their way out the exit. Once they obtain their goods they head to the check out and Daria notices that Jane is trying not to laugh)

Daria: (rolls her eyes) Oh get over yourself Jane... they're a couple of teens driven to insanity by their pubescent hormones. They probably think that of EVERY older woman they see. (The clerk decides to speak up on the matter much to Jane and Daria's surprise)

Clerk: (to Daria) Actually ma'am... I believe they were referring to YOU. Not to insult you or anything... but you know. I kind of overhear just about everything that gets said in here. The acoustics in this area of the store are fantastic. (Daria's face turns a slight shade of red at the thought of herself the being the object of some horny kids affections)

Jane Lane: (shakes her head) I think I'VE been offended... Daria here dresses to hide and yet she's the one getting noticed. (In jest) What say you young lady... what am I doing wrong.

Clerk: (looking unsure as how to respond decides that all she can do to avoid potential trouble is to be honest) Well... the word is among the younger generation these days is that it's the ones who DON'T flaunt it who are likely to offer the best action as well as being low milage and maintenance. I think that's seen as a sign of confidence that you don't feel the need to advertise,... which seems to be a turn on to people nowadays. (Daria and Jane wear stunned expressions that this young convenience store clerk would be able to offer up so much information about the late teen thought process)

Daria: Wait a minute... so because I don't wear anything revealing I'm seen as what...?

Jane: Congratulations Daria... you're a hottie. (Daria buries her face in her palm)

Daria: Great... just what I need.

Clerk: (to Jane Lane) Um excuse me... you're William Lane's mom aren't you? (Jane Lane raises an eyebrow in interest that this stranger would know her)

Jane Lane: That would be me... do we know each other?

Clerk: (fidgets with one of her curly red locks for a moment) Not really... but I know William. I just remember him showing me a painting he did of you... that's how I recognized you. He's really a good artist, ..you know.

Jane Lane: Uh huh... and has he done any art of YOU?

Clerk: (all of a sudden plays shy) Oh no... I offered once but he said he didn't really feel comfortable doing a nude. (Daria looks on in disbelief that this young woman actually said that to Williams MOM of all people. Jane just smirks with interest)

Jane Lane: Did he chicken out or something?

Clerk: Nah... I kind of didn't tell him how I wanted to pose. I got as far as removing my shirt and just said this it wasn't a good idea. I got the impression he felt like he was cheating on somebody. Does he have somebody I need to bump out of the way? (Daria decides that she can't stay silent any longer and interjects)

Daria: Um... not to be presumptuous. But you do know this is the MOTHER of the guy in question that you are now saying these things too?

Clerk: Yea... I know. I just want to know what the deal is with him... is he available? (Jane Lane just frowns and turns to leave without saying anything else... Daria follows right behind her)

(Once outside as they walk down the sidewalk)

Daria: I can't believe kids these days... they give us NO respect at all. (Beat) How few of them there are anymore.

Jane Lane: Be careful there amiga... or we may have to get you a red tie. (Daria doesn't respond)

Daria: I'm surprised you let that go on as long as it did. If that were a guy talking about MY kids I'd have choked him where he stood.

Jane Lane: That didn't bother me so much as the fact that he shied away from a half naked girl.

Daria: Aren't you at least supposed to act protective of your kid? That's typically the role of a parent is to try to shield their kids from making stupid mistakes. Am I right...?

Jane Lane: Look Daria... you're right of coarse. But Will is nineteen years old now and if that's the type of girl he would want to consort with then there's not a whole lot I can do about it.

Daria: But fortunately he's not.

Jane Lane: (sighs with relief) It would appear that way... but she said she got the impression that he felt like he was cheating on somebody. If she was right... I wonder who?

Daria: Oh my god, Jane. Are you still worried about his sexual preference?

Jane Lane: NO... I believe you about his being straight. I'll likely look for those magazines anyway just to reassure myself... but you know. I'm his mom... I'm supposed to worry.

Daria: True... but I think you're taking it all just a bit too far if you ask me..

Jane Lane: You weren't pulling my chain about him being with somebody before... were you? (Daria glares) Okay... I know. You wouldn't lie to me.

Daria: Jane... you have to be the only parent who would actually ENCOURAGE her child to sleep around.

Jane Lane: I'm not encouraging per say... I just want him to be interested. Like guys are supposed to be. I want him to bring a girl home show her off and then go do couple stuff.

Daria: You're not thinking of playing match maker with your own son are you? You tried your hand at that sort of thing before and it did nothing but backfire on you... don't expect such tactics to work now.

Jane Lane: (stares at Daria thoughtfully) Hmm... I wonder how many young girls are IN this town anyway?

Daria: That are above the age of seventeen and under twenty three? (Beat) Roughly about fifty... I'd say at least.

Jane Lane: I wonder how many of them are already involved...? (Daria flashes Jane a stone cold glare causing Jane to roll her eyes in contempt)Alright FINE... what ideas do YOU have?

Daria: Like I said before... just let him make up his own mind and leave him alone. (Beat) NOW... since you've wasted half of my lunch already I suggest we eat on the run. Because I'll be damned if I'm going to eat this sandwich in that cluttered desk of mine.

Jane Lane: Yea... you might lose it and add to the clutter.

Daria: No... the only thing I lose at that desk is paper work. For example... I've lost your transfer papers three times. They wanted to give you your own command and stick you on a sub all by your lonesome in the middle of the Atlantic somewhere.

Jane Lane: And you made sure I stayed here with YOU huh?

Daria: (looks away) Yup...

Jane Lane: (Smiles) You're my best freakin` friend Daria. (Daria huffs on her fingernails and pretends to admire them)

Daria: Yea... I know. I'll see about pushing the promotion through without getting you transferred though.

Jane Lane: (pretends to tear up) Awwwwww..., Gimme a hug. (Jane wraps her arms about Daria and smiles from ear to ear as Daria tries to squirm away all the while exclaiming threats)

Daria: AHH... lawsuit, (Jane remains attached) ...locusts, (Jane still remains) ...plague... SOMETHING! Just get the hell off of me! (Jane maintains her hold on Daria as passers by turn to gaze and stare at the unfolding situation)

(The scene fades out and comes back in later in the day at Daria's house. She isn't home from work yet however Daria's daughters Jane and Amy are present and tending to Jake who is recovering from his second heart attack having took place three months ago. Despite this... Jake is in the kitchen cooking burgers for himself and the girls)

Amy: Grandpop Morgendorffer... you're supposed to be resting. What if you had a relapse or something,...and all the grease in those burgers DEFINITELY won't do you any good.

Jake: Oh come on Amy,...your grandmother used to get me riled up about that sort of thing all the time. Don't you start too. Now it's my body, and if I want a little grease in my diet then dammit, I will! ...And if the reaper wants to come get me for it then so be it. Now the burgers are going to be a little bit so why don't you and your sister go for a swim in the meantime?

Amy: Because that would be irresponsible given your state of health. (Jane passes through the kitchen wearing a grey one piece bathing suit and a pink sarong.)

Jane: Hey Amy... I'll be out on the dock.

Amy: (scowls and tilts her glasses while looking on at her sister) Where the hell are YOU going?

Jane: Swimming.

Amy: Somebody has to keep an eye on grandpop.

Jane: Somebody IS. (Jane resumes walking out the sliding glass door towards the dock)

Amy: (Shakes her head) I HATE you ...

Jake: Oh don't be so hard on your sister... she knows I'm fine that's all. Now you should go with her.

Amy: No deal... somebody has to be ready to dial nine eleven if you drop again.

Jake: I never understood that... why do they say nine eleven if there's no eleven button on the damned phone? Stupid phone company... (Amy is about to reply with the sense of sarcasm she inherited from her mother when the door bell rings and she opts to save her breath and answer the door instead. Upon opening the door she see's William standing there.)

Amy: Hey Will... what's up?

William: Hey... how's Jake?

Amy: Every day he puts a little more strain on his heart... and every day he loses a little bit more of his mind in the process.

William: So he's normal then?

Amy: For him... yes. At the moment he's trying to cook some burgers.

William: Good god... did you call the fire department ahead of time? (Amy bursts out laughing as William shakes his head) You're mom will kill him when she finds out.

Amy: IF she finds out... if there's one thing I've learned from my mom and grandfather it's that extortion can be both fun AND profitable.

William: (smirks) And as usual since I'm privy to this info... I get a cut of the spoils?

Amy: (sighs) Can't I just flash you or something?

William: (gawks) That's a little twisted don't you think, Amy?

Amy: (shrugs) Hey, we skinny dip sometimes so it's not like we haven't all seen each other. (Quickly looks him up and down for the sake of making him feel weird) Besides, I just love to see you squirm at the thought of people getting the wrong idea.

William: (not hearing that last part) Ah... the benefits of having no neighbors for at least a mile.

Amy: (They exchange glances at one another before Amy finally speaks) Come on in... Jane's out on the dock. I'll join you guys as soon as I can shove grandpa back onto the couch to rest where he belongs. (Mumbles to herself) Maybe I can fashion a straight jacket for him.

William: (steps through the door into the house) Isn't that a little irresponsible of you?

Amy: (pauses in thought) I thought so too... now that I think about it.. He's never been able to cook anything without burning it, so all I have to do is wait until he gives up the ghost ...and I know for a fact that he won't eat burned burgers. And I'm not going in the water... I'll just relax in a beach chair on the dock so I can run in to keep an occasional eye on my dad.

William: Doesn't sound like relaxing to me.

Amy: Call it what you will... I still get to spend SOME time outdoors.

William: See you outside then. (A momentary pause passes followed by an evil smile appearing on Amy's face. The opportunity to bust on him has yet again presented itself.) By the way... is my mom still avoiding you from when you saw her sunbathing? (William smiles while blushing and walks past Amy to the kitchen and out the sliding glass door to join Jane on the dock. Once there William sits down on the very end of the dock next to Jane who is dipping her toes in the water) Hey Jane...

Jane: (smirks as she turns to look at him and clears her throat) I've got three new messages for you. (Scowls when he doesn't inquire about them) You know... I'm not an answering machine that you can retrieve information from at any time you like.

William: (sighs) Yea... from the same girls I suppose?

Jane: You know... if you didn't play so hard to get then you wouldn't seem so appealing to women.

William: I'm NOT playing hard to get... I'm just not interested. I'd feel like I'm cheating...

Jane: (scowls in thought) On WHOM? (Long awkward pause as William turns to look at her) Oh... (sighs heavily) Look... I'm all for unlikely relationships but I thought you two agreed that since there was no way for it to work that you would see people more like yourselves.

William: We did... and I've been trying. But I can't seem to find somebody who's interested in a long slow relationship.

Jane: (smiles) Man... I never thought I'd hear those words come from the mouth of a guy.

William: I DO like sex Jane... I'm just not as hormone driven as other guys.

Jane: (laughs and then pauses in thought) When you think about her... which HALF do you think about?

William: (scowls) That's NOT cool Jane.

Jane: Just answer the question, man.

William: (points to his temple indicating the mind) THIS half.

Jane: (looks down at the water for a moment) Good answer... it's definitely the RIGHT answer.

William: Yea... but I'll just have to get over it. She probably found somebody over the winter and is likely starting a family.

Jane: Mating season for her was in November wasn't it?

William: Yea...

Jane: Jealous...?

William: Nah... our physical differences were the reason why we decided to see other people.

Jane: (pulls the skin away from the under side of her eye with her middle finger revealing some of the blood shot whites of her eye) Look me in the eye and say that.

William: (Smirks) Okay... it's killing me. Happy...?

Jane: (Pauses in thought before responding) If she were completely human... do you think you would have been more receptive to her...in that way?

William: (inhales deeply) Jane, I think if she were completely human we'd have been married by now.

Jane: You guys really loved each other, huh? (Chuckles) I can see why you're so reluctant to pay attention to other people. It's hard to dismiss a companion like that.

William: (smirks as he imagines what could have been had things been different, and as he does so a cool sea breeze kicks up and blows Jane's hair into Williams face causing him to choke on it if for just a moment. Once he regains his composure he continues conversing with his cousin) Thanks for planting the bogus story about me and some mystery woman. It really got the guys off my back. Of coarse... you did add a little too much detail for someone who wasn't supposedly present.

Jane: Sorry... but I felt that if I was going to spin a bogus story about you and some woman I should at least make it good... and believable.

William: And embarrassing... You got that climaxing early thing out of that old "American Pie" movie didn't you. (Jane smiles from ear to ear)

(Cut to Daria and Jane Lane as they are leaving work that evening... the sun is low in the sky and the glare that would normally have necessitated sun glasses has since faded with the vanishing sun. The halogen lights that illuminate the parking lot have begun to awaken from their days slumber having been stirred by the photo-electric sensor within each unit. The POV zooms in from the roof of a nearby building having turned from the horizon and focuses on Jane and Daria as they approach their individual cars which by coincidence happen to be parked side by side today)

Jane Lane: (sighs heavily as she glances up at the sky for a moment and then back at her friend) Another day at work gone and with it another piece of our lives.

Daria: (glances over moving her eyes only) I thought I was supposed to be the pessimist around here.

Jane Lane: Just figured I'd take a look at things from your perspective for a change,...to keep my horizons broad and such.

Daria: Sorry Jane... but my attitude on life is copyrighted. You may end up hearing from my lawyer.

Jane Lane: That's funny... the way you think sometimes I thought I was talking to your lawyer right now.

Daria: See what I mean... you heard from her sooner than you thought. Now lets talk settlement.

Jane Lane: Whatever you say. (Gestures for Daria to turn around) Bend over. (Daria gawks and then takes a few awkward steps back until she bumps into her car)

Daria: On second thought... maybe I'll let you slide this time around.

Jane Lane: (winks at Daria) Wise choice amiga. (Silent pause) So what are you up to tonight?

Daria: The same thing I'm up to every night.

Jane Lane: Yea yea... trying to take over the world.

Daria: (raises an eyebrow in amusement) Actually, I was going to say hanging out with the kids in front of the tube. But I guess that would do as a plan B. How about you?

Jane Lane: About the same... I'm out of ideas for a new painting at the moment.

Daria: Bored are we?

Jane Lane: More like in a rut... I just seem to do the same old things anymore. Whatever happened to the adventure we had in our youths? Going across country in "the tank", having you bail the band and I out of jail because of a stupid traffic ticket... and so forth.

Daria: Hmm... lets see. We grew up... there was a series of global conflicts, one of them being nuclear. We each had families and now we're a couple of old farts pretending to be semi cool parents. I'd have to say what happened was that we settled down. Any questions so far?

Jane Lane: Yea... when do you get to the part about comparing our brains to a frying egg in a pan?

Daria: I think we're well beyond that old friend, the egg burned a long time ago.

Jane Lane: Damn... I always wanted to see what a human brain would look like in a frying pan. (Jane looks about as the last few cars leave the parking lot and the area becomes even quieter than it was before)

Daria: What... are you looking to me for a handle on the moment or something?

Jane Lane: Maybe... I just feel so bogged down. I spend my days wondering if my kid is straight... and my nights wondering why I can't come up with any new artistic ideas. Is this to be my lot in life Daria?

Daria: How the hell do I know... life is just what you make it. Maybe you need a vacation or something. I honestly don't think a romp in the hay with your bump buddy is cutting it anymore.

Jane Lane: That's Robert to you... since you know his name anyway. And what about William, while I'm away on this alleged vacation?

Daria: Will you stop it about William... the kid is nineteen. I think he'll survive if you left him alone for a week or two. (Beat) Hell... your parents were gone for most of the year at a time and you turned out okay. At least Will has a job to his credit which is probably one up on you...

Jane Lane: Hey... I had a job at that age too you know. Even if it was as a hack artist for only a couple of weeks. (Exchanges glances with Daria) Boy, I really HAVEN'T lived have I.

Daria: Don't feel bad... I'm not exactly where I wanted to be with my life either.

Jane Lane: All the more reason for you to come with me... wherever it is that you're suggesting I go.

Daria: What? I can't go on a vacation... my dad is recovering from a heart attack. And he would be home with only the girls to take care of him while we were gone.

Jane Lane: Does that mean you'd be bringing Trent along?

Daria: I never said I was going anywhere in the first place.

Jane Lane: Oh come on Daria... this was YOUR idea.

Daria: It wasn't my idea for me to come along with you. I suggested that you and ONLY you take a vacation.

Jane Lane: Give the riot act a break Daria... when was the last time you took a vacation? Come to think of it... have you EVER taken a vacation? (A long silent pause ensues as Daria stares her friend in the eyes) Look... Jake would be fine. He would be home with your seventeen year old genius slash masters degree holding college graduates.. Who better to watch over him?

Daria: Big whoop... all that means is that they could come up with more creative ways to blow the house up or burn it down.

Jane Lane: Well... they say the fate of the future rests in the hands of the young... apparently that includes your home. (sighs heavily in knowing that this will get her nowhere) ...At least give it some thought. You of all people could use a break... so I figure if you can suggest that I take one then I can do the same for you. And then we can take our vacation together. What do you say, amiga?

Daria: (looks down at the frayed laces on one of her boots) I think I'm going to need some new shoelaces soon...

Jane Lane: Was that a yes?

Daria: That was an "I'll think about it." Now get off my back so I can head home... Quinn and Joey are coming over for dinner and their bringing Quinn's friend along.

Jane Lane: I thought you were just going to sit in front of the tube with the kids tonight? (looking slightly hurt) Oh... sorry to keep you then. (Jane turns to unlock her car, her form is barely visible in the dying twilight and yet there is still a reflection of the skyline on the polished metal of her Tracker.)

Daria: Are you and your son coming?

Jane Lane: (smiles as she turns to face Daria, Jane's brightened face is almost enough to make her visible as daylight) Are you sure you have enough room?

Daria: No... but I've never excluded you from anything in my life. I'm not about to start now... dinners at eight. See you there?

Jane Lane: Wouldn't miss it old friend. (Jane unlocks her car and gets in as Daria does the same with her car. They both leave at the same time)

(The scene fades to later that evening at Daria's home, Jake is sitting on the couch attempting to watch a baseball game on the Tv along with Trent who has since been banished from the kitchen after trying to help Daria with a chocolate pudding cake. The sounds of musical instruments can be heard coming from the garage as the kids do their thing. The door bell rings in the background and after a few minutes Jane Lane comes out of the kitchen to answer it)

Jane Lane: Oh no... don't bother hurting yourselves trying to answer the door you guys. I'll get it...

Jake: (cheerfully) Whatever...

Trent: Hmmmm... (Uses the remote to turn the Tv up a little louder)

Jane Lane: (As she opens the door) You know if I didn't know better I'd swear this was thanksgiving. (On the front porch sits Quinn in her wheelchair with a two and a half year old in her lap and Joey right behind her with Quinn's friend Kathryn off to his right.) Hey Quinn... you're just in time to join the other invalids on the couch. Feel free to grunt and scratch along with them if you like.

Quinn: Let me guess... my dad is taking advantage of his stress free requirement and Trent almost burned the kitchen down again.

Jane Lane: (makes an alarm sound) Tell her what she's won, Jonny!! (Beat) Oh where are my manners... please do step in. Or in your case, roll in. (As Joey wheels Quinn inside he makes sure to step on Jane's foot and twist as he applies pressure) OW!!!! (Kathryn just laughs as she follows them in. Once inside... Kathryn looks about the room as she waits to be prompted as to where to sit)

Kathryn: Nice place your sister has, Quinn. (Jake upon noticing that the house has a brand new guest gets up from the couch and tries to play host)

Jake: Oh hey there... Jake Morgendorffer. Sorry... didn't mean to be rude but at my age the hearing is one of the first things to go.

Kathryn: Don't feel so bad,...compared to some of the people I know, you're not so old.

Jake: Hey, THANKS! And right back at you... (Kathryn raises an eyebrow in wonder if Jake was really as clueless as he sounded. Daria comes walking out of the kitchen after hearing Jake attempting to make conversation.)

Daria: Hey Quinn... dinner will be ready soon. (Turns to Kathryn) I'm sorry... I know we've met before but your name escapes me.

Kathryn: (Shakes Daria's hand) Kathryn Nickleby.

Daria: I hope you don't mind... we're having fish for dinner. (Kathryn smiles from ear to ear)

Kathryn: Not a problem... it's a staple in my diet. (Inhales deeply) Mako shark steak...?

Daria: (curiosity peaked) How did you know..?

Kathryn: It's a shame my niece isn't with us... she'd consider such a meal as a sort of revenge.

Daria: (confused) O...kay. Well... anyway. You guys can all have a seat in the living room until dinner is ready. My husband Trent should be able to get you anything you need. (Trent looks up from the couch with a bemused expression that his services should be volunteered for him. In the meantime Daria heads back into the kitchen with Jane Lane on her heels. Once in the kitchen Daria turns to Jane) You know... all I have to do is put the food on the table. You really didn't need to follow me back in here.

Jane Lane: I know, But I just can't resist seeing you trying to play hostess.

Daria: Me... pretend to be a cupcake... never. I also wouldn't pretend to be a pizza... I'm afraid you'd eat me.

Jane Lane: (looks Daria up and down and then smirks as she puts on a gay persona) Oh STOP! (Resumes being herself) But seriously... I cleared out of the other room because I got the strangest feeling that Trent was going to start talking about the days when Mystic Spiral was a force to be reckoned with.

Daria: I'm not surprised... he does that with ALL the new company we have over. Which is yet another reason why we don't entertain often. But now that I think about it... Trent is pretty good at telling fiction.

Jane Lane: What makes you say that?

Daria: Because Mystic Spiral was NEVER a force of ANY kind. Much less one to be reckoned with.

Jane Lane: Now now... leave the man his delusions of grandeur. He at least had a dream... no matter how unobtainable it was for him.

Daria: (does her best impression of her husband) Eye's on the prize...

(The scene cuts to the living room at that exact moment)

Trent: Man. ...Eye's on the prize. That's the way we lived in our youths... we were determined not to be sell outs. Which now that I think about it was probably what did us in. In order to get noticed you have to sell just a little bit of your soul to the corporate conglomerate. And that's how it all starts... and before you know it you've gone down the dark path. Sure you've made it to the top... but nothing means a damned thing that it once stood for. And that's when it finally hits you... you're a complete sell out. (On that note Jake decides to pick up the slack)

Jake: Boy do I hear that... I used to tell my father that I was going to be somebody someday and that it wouldn't be because of military school. And what did he do... he laughed. That's what he did... (Jake's eyes begin to tighten ever smaller indicative of building rage that had been the hallmark of Jake's spaz attacks in the past. Kathryn watching Jake's ongoing change of mood quickly finds a pen and scribbles a note on a napkin that had been on the coffee table and then hands it to Quinn who was parked right next to the couch. Quinn smirked as she read the note which asked "Are we going to have to shoot him or something?" However Jake's mood quickly changed when Quinn's child twisted about in her arms and reached out towards Jake causing his heart to melt) Aww... hey Quinn. Do you mind if I hold the little rascal for a while?

Quinn: (looks very reluctant for a moment) Um ...sure Dad. (Quinn puts the child on the floor) Go on over to grandpa, Kesthea. (The child awkwardly runs over to Jake as instructed but instead of climbing into his lap she grabs a National geographic that was under the end table next to Jake and she sits on the floor with it as she turns the pages. (Quinn sighs) Kesthea... I didn't say you could get a magazine.

Kesthea: (turns smugly to her mother) Mine! (Quinn is about to scold when Jake interjects)

Jake: That's alright, Quinn. She shows tremendous promise that she's trying to read at this age.

Quinn: (smiles lovingly) Just like her mother...

Jake: (pauses to reflect) Quinn... I don't recall you learning to read at an early age. (Quinn rolls her eyes and then continues to watch as her daughter flips through a magazine while stopping every so often to look at a picture. In the background the kids can still be heard going at it in the garage. After a few moments of listening to sports on the Tv Kathryn gestures to Quinn that they go see who's making the noise in the garage.)

Quinn: Oh um... Joey can you watch Kesthea for a bit. Kathryn and I are going to see what the other kids are up too.

Trent: (looking slightly embarrassed as Joey picks his daughter up off the floor) I'm sorry... are they playing too loud? I'm so used to hearing it all the time I guess I just learned to tune it out.

Kathryn: Not at all... I'm just interested in meeting everybody. You were kind enough to invite me to dinner... it's the least I can do.

Trent: Huh... oh well in that case. They're in the garage... you can go in through a door in the kitchen.

Quinn: Thanks Trent. (Kathryn gets up off the couch with her cane in hand, hangs it on Quinn's chair and wheels Quinn into the kitchen while leaning on the chair for support)

(Cut to the kitchen. Daria is busy inspecting the food in the oven while Jane is preparing a salad. Kathryn enters the kitchen pushing Quinn along)

Daria: Let me guess... my husband and my father started talking about their youths and finally got around to asking you about yours, right?

Kathryn: (mumbles) Please... when I was a youth mankind was just learning to navigate the oceans. (Daria lifts an eyebrow in interest as Kathryn's mumble wasn't quite low enough)

Daria: Um...yea. So what brings you guys into my kitchen then?

Kathryn: Not a whole lot really... kinda got the creeps when it looked like your father was about to go on a psychotic rage though. So Quinn and I figured we'd check out what your kids were up to... by the sounds of things they could probably start their own band.

Jane Lane: (Smirks) No doubts there. (Beat) And don't worry about Daria's dad... he was just reliving his childhood. About the only things he ever hurt were those little blood vessels in his eyes.

Daria: (Scowls) And his heart... (Kathryn sensing the tension building within Daria over the information Jane is releasing about her family decides to attempt to withdraw from the conversation)

Kathryn: Um listen... I understand if the subject is a little sensitive so I'll just go on about my business with Quinn if that's okay, Daria.

Daria: (sighs) I'm not mad at you, Kathryn. I just wish my dad wouldn't try to gear himself up for coronary number three.

Kathryn: Two already huh... I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help keep him calm while I'm here?

Daria: (Smirks) Just change the subject if he starts to talk about his father or his childhood.

Jane Lane: Wouldn't that cover just about EVERYTHING Jake talks about?

Daria: (scowls) Shut up, Jane.

Jane Lane: All right... jeez. (Turns back to Kathryn) So did I hear you say earlier that you have a niece living out here?

Kathryn: (looks bewildered) Where did THAT come from?

Daria: (pinches her sinuses) I think I'VE got a clue.

Jane Lane: Is she seeing anybody?

Kathryn: (raises an eyebrow in curiosity) Um,...not at the moment.

Jane Lane: If you don't mind my asking, about how old is she?

Kathryn: (studies Jane for a moment) Two hundred thirty seven.

Jane Lane: (stares at the floor for a moment and then chuckles to herself) I get the message... none of my business. I'm sorry to pry... (Kathryn glances at Quinn who just shrugs back)

Kathryn: Why the twenty questions?

Daria: My friend here is trying to find a girl for her homebody son. He doesn't seem to have a preference for the girls in this area so my guess is that Jane is trying to find girls from OTHER areas. (Smiles evilly) Did I get it right, Jane?

Jane Lane: (Looking slightly embarrassed) You know I could have humiliated myself on my own, Daria. Thank you.

Kathryn: What's your sons name?

Jane Lane: William.

Kathryn: Huh... my niece used to be involved with a guy named William. I was hoping to get them back together this summer. She's really been in the dumps since they broke up... it's a shame when two compatible people break up over petty differences. Don't you think?

Daria: I would imagine so... though fortunately I've never been in such a situation. (Long pause) Anyway... dinner will be ready in another twenty minutes so if you want to brave a little more time with my father then you know where the living room is. If not... then the garage is through the door on your right.

Jane Lane: (calls after Kathryn and Quinn as they move to open the door) Just remember to respect the law of the teenagers or they'll eat you alive.

Kathryn: Law of the teenagers?

Quinn: (shrugs) Don't ask me... I haven't had to deal with that from a kid yet.

Kathryn: Weren't YOU a teenager once?

Quinn: (scowls) Don't pry, Raider.

Kathryn: Whoa... touchy. . (She opens the door to the garage and pushes Quinn through)

(After the garage door is shut Daria turns to Jane Lane who has gone back to making the salad)

Daria: Getting desperate are we?

Jane Lane: (looks up from her task at hand) What's that supposed to mean?

Daria: You were about to try to set your own son up, weren't you? You know... the last time I checked parents stopped doing that about two centuries ago.

Jane Lane: Oh stop it, Daria. I was merely curious that's all.

Daria: Uh huh... you know I'm surprised you didn't try to set your son up with HER. (Jane gawks) Hey it wouldn't surprise me after what we heard in that store earlier today about kids going for older women these days.

Jane Lane: (pauses in thought) Appearances ARE deceiving aren't they. She could probably pass for twenty five or so. I wonder what the hell her secret is... (Shakes her head to clear her mind) Well whatever... I'm not about to set my son up with an older woman. Whomever my son decides to settle down with, I want her to be able to give me grandchildren.

Daria: Enough... you're giving me a headache with all this crap. I've never seen you like this before, Jane.

Jane Lane: Sorry old friend... it's just that it's been a sort of dream of mine from the day he was born to see him walk down the isle with someone someday. And with every day I grow older I find myself wondering if I'm going to be around to see it happen.

Daria: Something I should know about, Jane?

Jane Lane: Eh... the doc has been bugging me about my cholesterol and stuff. She says I'm a heart attack waiting to happen or something. Like I'm going to turn into Jake.

Daria: Unless you start ranting about your father being a heartless bastard then I don't think you have much to worry about. (Beat) You really have high cholesterol?

Jane Lane: Yup... who'd have thought?

Daria: The way you exercise... not me. (Sighs) I guess the culprit would have to be all the pizzas. I should probably give them up myself.

Jane Lane: Hey now... lets not jump the gun here. Pizza is a time honored tradition with us and I'll be damned if my own heart is going to get in the way of that.

Daria: (looks down for a moment) It's your body, Jane. I just don't want to lose you at an early age.

Jane Lane: (smirks) Don't worry amiga... I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. ( A blood curdling scream is heard from the living room indicating that Jake had once again worked up his blood pressure enough to burst a blood vessel in his eye. Daria places her head in her palm in disbelief before going out to check on him)

Daria: I need things like this like I need a second anus.

Jane Lane: At least you'd be able to fart in stereo... that's got to be ONE thing that would be going for you. (Daria flashes Jane a disgusted look and then heads out into the living room)

(Cut to inside the garage... Jane, Amy, and William are just concluding a cover of "Turn the Page" as they stop in preparation to investigate whether dinner is ready or not. Quinn and Kathryn who up until now have gone unnoticed and have been a quietly captive audience to the kids performance. Once the Garage becomes completely quiet with exception the to the sounds of equipment being turned off, Quinn clears her throat in attempt to gain the attention of the three in question. All of them snap their heads in Quinn's direction in a startled fashion.)

Amy: What the... dammit aunt Quinn! Don't do that! (Amy along with the other two turn their attention to Kathryn and find themselves staring for a moment) Whoa...

Quinn: Kids... this is my friend Kathryn. She's the one who did those Fey drawings I showed you a while back.

Amy: So she knows them...?

Kathryn: Many of them actually.

Jane: (looks Kathryn up and down a few times) Anybody ever tell you that if she had legs you'd be a dead ringer for...

Kathryn: Neirte?

Jane: Yea... I see you know her as well.

Kathryn: Yea... you could say we're pretty close... practically family really..

William: Just out of curiosity... do all Fey have black hair? All the ones in your sketches seemed to.

Kathryn: That was just because I was trying to conserve what few colored pencils I had when out at sea. Alcen was a brunet actually... Neirte takes more after Febbs side of the family. (The kids look on with confusion) Her parents...?

Jane: (shrugs and then moves away from the equipment to shake hands) Funny... she never mentioned them to us beyond the fact that they were killed.

Kathryn: She wouldn't... their deaths are still pretty recent to her. She's got to still be hurting inside... give it some time.

Quinn: Kathryn... you've already met Daria's daughter Amy. (Points to the others accordingly) This is Daria's other daughter Jane, and this is my sister in law Jane's son, William.

Kathryn: (Raises an eyebrow in interest) I don't suppose you have a last name to go with that?

William: (looks about uneasily that she doesn't already know it) Lane.

Kathryn: (eyes widen) So YOU'RE William... Neirte's told me a lot about you. It's good to finally meet you.

William: (confused) When did she tell you about me?

Kathryn: Just this past winter... she never went down south for mating season. She spent the winter at my place... I have an indoor marine pool. (Looks about at the three) Just in case you were wondering...

William: Wasn't that rough on her?

Kathryn: I helped her through it... introduced her to a few human novelties and so forth. I won't go into detail if you don't mind. (In the background Daria's voice is heard calling people to the picnic tables out on the back deck.)

Quinn: Sounds like dinner is ready.

Amy: Fantastic... I'm starving. We'll pick this up later, okay? (Kathryn just shrugs and follows the others out of the garage)

(Cut to about an hour and a half later... dinner is for the most part over and the kids have been assigned dish duty which has them coming and going from the picnic table out on the back deck. They've also been assigned the duty of watching Kesthea while she plays in the living room. The adults are still sitting about the table talking and joking around as they allow their food to digest. The bug zapper actively snaps in the background as it does it's best to keep up against the hordes of insects trying to assault their human meal. To assist the zapper are several of those citrocel lawn torches placed about the perimeter of the deck to repel the rest of the bugs. As the conversation begins to die out Daria finally decides to bring up a subject which she had originally suggested to Jane earlier in the day. )

Daria: Hey Quinn... I know this is going to sound awkward and well... downright unheard of.. But can I pick your brain for a moment?

Quinn: (stares at Daria as if waiting for something)What... no sarcasm? You actually want my opinion on something?

Daria: (dryly) Yes Quinn... I want your opinion on something. Is at all possible that I might get a serious answer from you?

Jake: Hey... how come you don't want to pick the old man's brain, Daria?

Daria: (VO) Because anything you have to offer would involve something that your father wouldn't let you do as a child. Thus sending you that much closer to the edge of your life as we know it. (Out loud) So how about it?

Quinn: I guess... Fire away.

Daria: (Takes a deep breath) Do you um... (mumbles) think I need a vacation? (Several moments of silence ensue while everyone tries to figure out if they heard Daria right)

Quinn: (smiles from ear to ear) A vacation... oh GOD yes. Daria... you're wound tighter than cables on a suspension bridge. (Trent pick his head up from whatever he had his mind on at the moment and begins to listen more closely) You should go someplace tropical...

Daria: I asked if you thought I NEEDED a vacation, Quinn. I never said I was actually going on one.

Quinn: Oh come ON, Daria. Give yourself a chance to relax... get a tan or something. Buy some sexy new clothes or something for the occasion... and you know what. I bet Lisa down at Casheman's would be glad to assist you. Maybe she'll give you my usual discount or something.

Daria:(scowls) I will do no such thing... I doubt having people stare at my body will help me to unwind.

Jake: You know kiddo... Quinn does have a point. And you and Trent never did get around to having a honeymoon or anything. Think of this as a belated one.

Daria: We never got around to having a honeymoon because we were too busy hiding in a fallout shelter with YOU guys. It's kind of hard to be romantic in such situations don't you think?

Jake: All the more reason, kiddo.

Daria: And can you PLEASE stop calling me kiddo... I hated that when I was kid and I don't like it any better now that I'm grown.

Jake: Sorry kidd...er,... Daria. But what I mean is that... this would be a good chance for you to get away and relax.

Daria: You're hardly one to advise me about how to relax, captain heart attack.

Jane: (tries not to laugh as Jake tries not to look hurt) That was a pretty low blow, Daria. Even for you.

Daria: (Sighs as she can see she's hurt her fathers feelings) I just call em` as I see em`, Jane.

Jane: Sounds to me then like you may need a new prescription old friend. (Jane gets up from the table) I think I'll go help the kids with the dishes.

Jake: I'll come too... I might give myself another heart attack if I stay out HERE too long. (He also gets up and follows Jane into the house leaving Kathryn, Quinn, and Trent sitting at the table with Daria. )

Daria: (lets out a deep long groan) Damn...

Kathryn: I hope you don't mind me offering some advice, Daria.

Daria: Why not... everyone else is.

Kathryn: While this is all news to me. If you do decide that a vacation is in your best interest... I would suggest the smallest of the Bahama islands. It's sparsely populated, the water is crystal clear, and the beaches go on for days. And there is an extensive coral reef that surrounds the island... it's great for scuba diving or snorkeling.

Daria: (sighs) Thanks... I'll give it thought.

Kathryn: You do that... just keep in mind that advice is merely words unless heeded.

Daria: (sighs heavily) Yea... I guess. (Beat) Hey listen,...before I forget. I wanted to apologize for pushing the desert. I was kind of proud that it actually turned out and well,...Quinn never told me that you were severely allergic to chocolate.

Kathryn: It's cool... I'm sorry I ruined your table cloth when I gagged... choked, and spit it out. I should have asked what the dessert was.

Daria: (chuckles) It's funny... A friend of the kids had the exact same reaction to a snickers bar.

Kathryn: Neirte,...I know all about that.

Daria: (pauses in confusion and then resumes speaking) Oh yea... I keep forgetting you knew about the Fey before we did.

Kathryn: Anyway... it's a genetic intolerance. They simply can't ingest chocolate.

Daria: Food for thought, I guess. (Daria drums her fingers on the table and then gets up to head inside)

Trent: (gets up to follow) I suppose I should head in with her... find out what all this is really about and stuff.

Kathryn: No problem,...Dinner was great by the way. (Trent nods in her direction and then proceeds into the house)

Quinn: (after Daria is out of earshot) What's so great about THAT place?

Kathryn: I was born there... in a small cozy little cave on the south side of the reef. (Smirks) I haven't been back there since I started living on land. I miss it sometimes.

Quinn: Are there a lot of Fey living in that area... ?

Kathryn: Not really living... it's the southern most edge of the mating grounds. There's always at least a few in the area though.

Quinn: Huh. (Quinn pauses a moment to think the circumstances over) I wonder what brought all of that on? It's not like Daria to think about getting away from it all for a little fun. (Beat) Do you actually think she'll do it?

Kathryn: She's your sister, Quinn. You tell me... this is only the second time I've met her. (William comes out onto the deck from the house to collect the last of the dishes from the picnic table)

William: Geez... you guys are still out here? I thought you'd be inside discussing whatever hornets nest has been stirred up like the rest of the family.

Quinn: Oh god... are they arguing or something? Haven't they learned by now that the only way to get Daria to make up her mind about something is to just let her figure it out on her own.

William: It's not aunt Daria so much... Jane and Amy caught wind of something about a vacation after Daria told my uncle Trent that a belated honeymoon wouldn't be such a bad idea. Frankly... they're pissed that they're not going.

Quinn: Jeez... you'd think that they'd be thrilled that their parents would trust them to be alone in the house for an extended length of time.

William: But if you think about it... grampa Morgendorffer would be here too. That kind of turns it into a really long baby sitting job, ..don't you think?

Quinn: Not really... I mean. Sure... he's a little cranky right now but that's because everyone is trying to treat him like a little kid when all he wants to do is live his life a little. Trust me... my dad can be a fun person if you just look at him from the right angles.

William: Aunt Quinn... how is it that you seem to know so much about grampa when Aunt Daria tells us that when you were our age you were so self absorbed you couldn't see past your own reflection?

Quinn: Ugh... and you BELIEVED that?

William: I've seen the home movie. (Quotes Quinn from the tape) So which is my best side... I know they're both good... (Quinn's jaw drops in her lap out of humiliation that anyone saw that tape after high school)

Quinn: What... that tape CAN'T still be around. I thought those things weren't any good past ten years!!

William: Daria apparently had it converted to a DVD. We all saw it yesterday... got a pretty good laugh out of it too. Did you really wear that green jacket with that butt ugly skirt?

Quinn: Of Coarse not... it was Daria's. I only borrowed it because there was this fashion don't party. I'd never allow myself to own something THAT...

William: Whoa... clip the string chatty Kathy. I don't need to know.

Kathryn: Now this sounds like a MUST see... can I take a look at it later?

William: Sure... It's in the...

Quinn: (pounds her fist on the table) NO!! (Face turns red in embarrassment from her outburst) I mean... why does Daria have to throw that back in my face after all these years?

William: My guess would be that it's a sibling rivalry thing... but it would probably help matters if you had something to fire back with. Then maybe she'd think twice about dishing it out... you know? That's how it all works.

Quinn: How would you know,...YOU don't have siblings.

William: No, ..but I have cousins I see on a daily basis. That's close enough for me. (Quinn thinks for a moment and then smirks evilly)

Quinn: I've got something to fire back with. Do you remember how your aunt always portrays herself as this antisocial hermit during her school years? Not being interested in what was trendy... or even which boys were cute?

William: Yea... what you're saying all that wasn't true?

Quinn: Oh it was true... Daria is a very firm believer in the truth. But when you're in private... ask her if she ever masturbated to vent her sexual tensions during her school years. And watch at just how much her beliefs become flexible. Throw THAT in her face for me.

William: You're kidding... aunt Daria?

Quinn: From age thirteen... until she hooked up with your uncle. Every night... usually in the shower. (Chuckles) She thinks no one knows...

William: (grins) I have to admit... that would be interesting to see her response. But I don't think I can... after that time I walked in on her while sunbathing. I'm afraid saying something like that would REALLY give out the wrong impression. And I just don't need that right now. (Beat) But if you have anything else to throw at her, ..then I'm all ears.

Quinn: (sighs) I do... but you may not want to use that either. (Quinn turns her chair around in preparation to head towards the house) I think I'll go see if the girls still have Daria under siege.

Kathryn: I'll be right behind you in a minute. (Watches as Quinn wheels herself into the house) You got a minute, Will?

William: I guess... why?

Kathryn: I wanted to talk to you about Neirte... but this really isn't the time or place. I was wondering if we could meet up someplace later in the week and talk.

William: What about Neirte... is she okay?

Kathryn: She's pretty depressed actually... she wants you back. But like I said... we'll talk later. (Kathryn pulls a pencil out of her pocket and scribbles down a series of numbers on an unused napkin that had been on the picnic table) This is my number... call me when your ready to talk. In the mean time... lets go see if Quinn needs some back up. (They both head into the house)

(Cut to two weeks later... Daria and Jane Lane are pulling up to a travel agency in Jane's tracker. It is hot and humid as can be told by Jane who is wearing something low cut with a pair of shorts similar to what she wore in high school. Daria is wearing long pants and a T-shirt)

Jane Lane: I can't believe you'd wear long pants on a day like this, Daria. You used to show your legs all the time when we were kids.

Daria: That's because I wore a skirt all the time. I didn't have a whole lot of choice in the matter since my wardrobe was limited.

Jane Lane: (shakes her head) A woman who hated to shop for clothes... are you sure you're not the anti-female?

Daria: The what?

Jane Lane: Nothing... nothing at all. (Exits the car and then follows Daria into the travel agency) Any idea where we're all going?

Daria: Well... since through some remarkable luck we both managed to schedule out time off during the same time frame. I imagine anywhere we want.

Jane Lane: And Trent doesn't care where we go?

Daria: Not according to him... though he's been dropping hints left and right all morning about the Florida keys.

Jane Lane: I take it that nobody ever told him that the bridge was wiped out at Y2K and they never rebuilt it? Hell, are the keys even populated anymore?

Daria: All but one are deserted... but key west is one big naval base now. With the exception of Margaritaville (C)... they felt it was only proper to keep at least one pub open for sailors on leave.

Jane Lane: I wonder if it had anything to do with mutated alligators... I heard stories about what the fallout did to the wildlife down there.

Daria: Well... I'm sure people figured out any potential dangers after the gators stormed a few towns and ate the residents.

Jane Lane: It always takes an eye opener doesn't it. (Jane and Daria announce their appointment to the receptionist at the front desk and then are directed to the agent awaiting them. They are handed a multitude of brochures and after being given twenty minutes or so to look them over the agent begins to speak again)

Agent: Did you have any place specific in mind you'd like to go? A cruise perhaps in the Carribean with a stopover in Bermuda?

Daria: If you can provide us with a clear cut way of avoiding the triangle.

Agent: Oh come now... that's just superstition.

Daria: Tell that to the aliens who conduct experiments there... you know about the aliens right? (The agent laughs nervously)

Jane Lane: (leans in close and whispers) You've still got that winning personality I see.

Agent: Well... I'll tell you what. Why don't you tell me what you're ideal vacation would be and I'll try to make it happen for you.

Daria: Just be sure to rest on the seventh day. You're supposed to do that after working a miracle.

Jane Lane: It takes seven days to work a miracle?

Daria: Background checks... they probably figure that in wrong hands a miracle can be more dangerous than a handgun. (The agent sighs in the background)

Jane Lane: I think the agent is getting bored Daria, we should probably tell her where we want to go.

Daria: I don't know... don't you have any places in mind? I originally suggested this idea for YOU.

Jane Lane: Yea... but now you're coming too so that puts part of the burden on your shoulders. (Daria pauses in thought and decides to go the route of the recommendation)

Daria: How are the Bahamas this time of year? (The scene fades and then cuts to a plane in mid flight three months later. Daria having been shifting in her seat since the plane left the ground is eyeing up the air phone attached to the back of the seat in front of her)

Jane Lane: You okay, Daria?

Daria: Yea... I'm just bored is all. I've read every one of those in flight magazines already. (Jane looks at the selection in front of her)

Jane Lane: Yea... they are pretty thin. I guess the airline doesn't concern itself with reading material. What with the horrid in flight movie they're showing... how could one possibly even think of reading.

Daria: Yea... watching a movie about an airline disaster always seems to grab my complete attention during a flight.

Jane Lane: Actually... I think this is an old episode of the twilight zone. You know... that one where the plane is flying through a thunderstorm and there's a gremlin tearing apart one of the engines?

Daria: (stares at Jane for a moment debating wether or not to choke her) Do you think I should call home?

Jane Lane: Daria... for gods sake. We've only been gone for three hours... I don't think they've even had a chance to damage the house yet. At least wait until they've shaken half of the siding loose with their music. (Looks over at Trent who is sound asleep) Besides... wasn't it Trent who always put the house in danger of going up in flames? (The scene blurs as Daria reflects on the past. Trent and Jake are on the back deck at Daria's house fumbling with the grill. Empty cans of lighting fluid lie scattered across the deck behind them)

Jake: (As he tosses the last can to the way side) Well... that about does it. Do you think that's enough to get this puppy going?

Trent: I hope so... we need to have a good steady burning flame to ensure the meat is cooked properly. Don't want any kind of viruses or parasites in there anywhere.

Jake: You've got a point... better make sure the gas is turned on all the way. (He reaches under the grill and turns the knob on top of the tank so that it's all of the way open.) So I guess all that's left to do now is to push the ignitor button.

Trent: It doesn't work... you've got to throw a match on it to get it lit. (He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a book of matches with the Zon logo on it. ) Here goes... (Trent lights a match and tosses it towards the grill. The scene pans back about a mile as a fiery mushroom cloud rises above the town lasting a mere few seconds before disappearing. Several moments of silence ensue before a smoldering grill comes tumbling out of the sky and crashes into the ground sending still burning embers and grill parts flying everywhere. The scene pans back in to the back deck to show Jake and Trent with charred black faces just standing there staring at each other... the deck surrounding them is also charred black. All of a sudden they erupt in an uncontrollable laughter Beavis and Butthead style.)

(The scene blurs and comes back in on the present as Daria looks at Trent who is fast asleep in his chair. In the background Jane in still speaking)

Jane Lane: ...As I recall, it was the girls who managed to keep order while we were at sea. And your dad finally felt well enough to go home... that in itself should make the house all the more safe.

Daria: He may have gone home... but he's still in the equation. I just hope the kids know enough to keep him away from the grill.

Jane Lane: Boy, you're sure full of worries today. You're not afraid to fly are you?

Daria: Of coarse not... I've just never left the kids to tend to themselves for a month.

Jane Lane: Oh they'll be fine... and Will said he was going to crash over at your place while I'm gone. They'll likely pool the money and supplies we left and stretch it even farther than they need to.

Daria: Jane... they're still technically teenagers. What do teenagers do when the parents are gone for an extended length of time without leaving supervision?

Jane Lane: They throw wild parties... get the cops called on them a few times... and..., you know what? I think I'll call them myself. (Jane grabs the air phone from the seat in front of her and after digging through her wallet she withdraws a credit card and swipes it on the phone. The scene cuts to Daria's home as the cordless phone having been left on the dock begins to ring. After about five rings a dripping wet Jane grabs the phone and picks up)

Jane: Yo!

Jane Lane: Hey Jane... how's the free life?

Jane: Haven't really had the chance to enjoy it yet... you guys have only been gone for several hours so far. What, did you miss us or something?

Jane Lane: Well... I don't know about missing. But Daria here is worried about the house being intact when we get home. She made me call you guys... (Daria is heard protesting in the background over the phone and fumbling is heard as Daria tries to wrestle the phone from Jane Lane) I don't think she trusts you... in fact...OOF...she's trying to convince...Ugh... the pilot to turn the plane around so she can check up on you. UNNNNNNGGGGG... (Jane's voice fades to the background over the phone) She sucker punched me...

Daria: Relax kids... Jane the loudmouth has been vanquished. I just wanted to see how you guys were as long as Jane is paying for this call.

Jane: We're fine mom... nobody is here but the three of us. We're not cool enough to get a party together... not THIS quickly anyway. Nope... we're just doing some swimming and enjoying the last days of summer.

Daria: (sighs) PLEASE tell me you two aren't skinny dipping again. (In the background on Jane's end, Amy's bare back and rear end can be seen as she jumps off the dock and curls into a cannonball.)

Jane: Of coarse not, mom. We do believe in female modesty you know... even if there's nobody around for a mile.

Daria: Uh huh... what's your sister wearing?

Jane: (Looks at Amy in the water and then looks on the dock where she left her clothes) Her purple one piece bathing suit. The one with the Greek designs that go about the waist... you picked that up for her on one of your stop overs in that country I think. Must have been some pretty interesting shore leaves you got to experience back in the day. (Watches Amy climb out of the water in preparation for another dive... her breasts drip water out in front of her) Yea... I can't believe that thing still fits after all this time.

Daria: (grits her teeth) Just make sure you're not seen... indecent exposure is still a misdemeanor in our state.

Jane: Thy will be done mom... enjoy your vacation. And don't worry about us... we'll be fine.

Daria: I'll believe that when I get home and nothing is broken... including any laws. (They both say their goodby's and they hang up. Daria then turns to Jane Lane who is still holding her stomach) How's the stomach?

Jane Lane: I can't believe you sucker punched me... after all we've been through together.

Daria: Oh shake it off, Jane. Remember that black eye you gave me in England during a pub brawl about ten years ago? Consider this payback.

Jane Lane: No fair... that was an accident. The guy I intended to hit ducked... by the way. Did they ever manage to get all of the pieces of glass out of your upper cheek?

Daria: Yea... after THREE visits to the infirmary.

Jane Lane: You never did wear sturdy glasses... did you? (Daria is about to reply when snoring is heard in the background. Both Daria and Jane can't believe that Trent has managed to sleep through that entire ordeal but yet there he lies... dead to the world.)

(Cut to Daria's home... Jane has since put the phone down on a nearby beach chair and shed her own clothing prior to jumping into the water. Once she surfaces Jane, Amy, and William swim closer to each other)

Amy: So why DO we get such a kick out of this anyway?

Jane: I dunno... I guess there's just a thrill associated with taking a minor risk. That and we know it peeves the parents.

William: Eh... they're just too uncomfortable with their own bo...NNNNYYYEA!! Whoa... we're getting a little friendly aren't we girls? (Jane and Amy exchange glances)

Amy: We didn't do anything. ...Why, what happened?

William: Something felt me up.

Jane: Get over yourself... it was probably just a patch of seaweed floating by that brushed up against you. ( A small splash is heard as a woman's head breaks the surface and stares William in the face with a large smile. Her wavy black hair hanging partially in front of her face until she pushes it aside) Or maybe not... hey Neirte! Haven't seen you all summer... where have you been hiding? (Neirte turns toward Jane, signs "hello"and then turns back to William smiling the whole time)

William: Well you're certainly happy about something? What's up? (Neirte grabs William, pulls him closer and plants a passionate kiss on his lips. After she lets go William swims backward a foot or so to try to gain some perspective on the situation) Whoa... whatever happened to the placing your neck against mine thing? ( In response a voice is heard coming from the edge of the dock. As everyone turns in surprise they find Kathryn staring down at them all.)

Kathryn: I taught her that one... I've been teaching her FEW things actually. (Jane, Amy, and William all wear a "caught" expression on their faces as they stare back at Kathryn, knowing that their clothes are all around her) And my guess is she's happy just to see you Will. (Beat) Sorry to drop in on you like this... but you never got back to me on that talk. Nobody answered the front door, so since I heard you guys horsing around back here I thought I'd come around back. (Kathryn looks about at their beet red faces) Oh and sorry about the brushing thing... Neirte's never seen Humans without their clothes. My guess is she was noting your physical differences. (Beat) So anyway... how about that talk?

William: Um... I guess. But we're sort of...um...

Kathryn: (looks down at the three piles of clothes on the dock and then chuckles to herself) You're perfectly comfortable with each other but throw one extra person in the mix and watch out! (Beat) Would you feel better if the playing field were even? I mean It HAS been a while since I went swimming in the ocean. (The three look at each other not knowing what to do) Fine, since I have nowhere to hide while you guys get dressed... (Kathryn removes her shirt and bra and is about undress the rest of the way in preparation to join them in the water when William stops her)

William: Wait... that's not necessary. Look... I'll come out and after I get dressed we'll go talk okay?

Kathryn: Don't tell me you think I'm too ugly to swim in the buff with you guys.

William: No... you're very attractive. I just well... (sighs in defeat) Just don't laugh okay... (Kathryn shrugs and soon finds herself smiling from ear to ear as William reluctantly climbs out of the water with embarrassment clear on his face as he scrambles to get dressed) I take it modesty has never been a problem for you?

Kathryn: (while she's replacing the clothing she'd removed) Not really... I spent half my life in the buff. I'm one hundred percent comfortable with other people seeing me.

William: Yea... I noticed that. Nice rack by the way... you're um...rather well in endowed. (Kathryn just raises an eyebrow in interest)

(Cut to half an hour later, Kathryn and William are in her car as they head down the highway)

William: So where are we going?

Kathryn: No place... I just wanted some place private for us to talk.

William: (turns to look out the passenger side window as he speaks) Good enough... how about cutting to the chase. What's the deal?

Kathryn: Down to business... I can do that. Okay the deal is this... Neirte wants to spend the remainder of the summer with you.

William: (turns to face Kathryn) Yea... so what else is new? She's been doing that for a few years now, she camps out under the dock off and on during the summer.

Kathryn: No... she wants to spend the remainder of the summer with YOU... on land. She wants you to show her your world. (William stares blankly) Okay... let's put it this way. She's asked me for the pendant,...(points to the pendent around her neck) This one right here. ...I know you probably have no clue what that means but I assure you that it's nothing small. (Kathryn spends the rest of the afternoon explaining just how she'd become the way she is and what the pendant would mean for Neirte. Cut to a parking lot outside of a custard stand in the early evening. Kathryn is busy eating a vanilla cone in the car while William is busy with a chocolate, both of them still sitting in the car with the AC running.)

William: Okay... so let me make sure one more time that I've got this straight. The story people know today is B.S... but it was based on a true one. And YOU'RE actually "the little seamaid"?

Kathryn: Surprised? (Doesn't wait for a reply) ...and if you even THINK of asking me to sing some dumb ass Disney-esque song to prove it I WILL kill you. (She extends one of her fingernails and presses it against Williams throat) These ain't no "Lee press on's", I can tell you that.

William: Whoa... do that again. (Kathryn holds her hand up and extends her fingernails and then retracts them. She then spreads her fingers apart to show that they are partially webbed, just like Neirte's.) Damn... you're actually for real?

Kathryn: You're not going to make me eat chocolate too are you?

William: Nah... I saw that one when you came over my aunt's for dinner but I thought it was just coincidence. (Beat) If you're really the person the story was based on... aren't you supposed to have red hair or something?

Kathryn: (Rolls her eyes in contempt) Red hair doesn't occur among the Fey... that's just a thing Disney came up with for that lame ass animated movie. Personally, I found it insulting that the Fey were depicted that way.

William: Um...yea. (Awkward pause) Anyway... so Neirte takes your place on land. And you return to the ocean for whatever length of time we decide on. And then Neirte gives you this pendant back and everything goes back to the way it was?

Kathryn: That's about the size of it.

William: And you say my aunt Quinn KNOWS about this...?

Kathryn: She knows I'm Fey... not the other thing. You tend to exchange all sorts of intimate details when you serve together as long as we have.

William: And this thing with Neirte... will it hurt?

Kathryn: (squints her eyes as she recalls the experience) Excruciatingly...! But the pain subsides when all is said and done. (Watches as William stares at her blankly) Look... I know this is an incredible amount to absorb. But if she loves you enough to want to do this... I need to know that she's not just setting herself up for a fall.

William: I dunno... I just think it would be more like torture when she had to go back. We agreed that we couldn't be together because of our physical differences. Now your telling me that for a short time we can have everything we've been wanting only to have to give it up again. I'm not sure if I could stand to put myself through that... not to mention her.

Kathryn: I understand how you feel, but you know what they say. It's better to have loved and lost. ...And we can just see how things go, it may not be as bad as you think it might be. Trust me... I've got experience in these matters. (She removes an envelope from her purse and hands it to William.) And just in case you said yes... I took care of some necessary odds and ends. And I've schooled her on the concept of money and US currency over the past winter as well as working on her English.

William: (looks through the envelope) I.D... SS card... BIRTH CERTIFICATE? Jesus... she's actually in the system? (He reads the I.D. aloud) Neirte Diane Fey..?

Kathryn: I just thought the middle and last names would be a nice touch.

William: (looks over at Kathryn with a cross expression) You were COUNTING on me saying yes...

Kathryn: Can you blame me for wanting my niece to be happy? Besides... when I heard her describe your relationship I figured you'd jump at the chance. Was I wrong...? And the fact that your mother went away was icing on the cake... it gives you the chance to continue the relationship without outside influence.

William: What if I'd said no?

Kathryn: (shrugs) If you say no... you say no. It's not the end of the world... I imagine Neirte would get over you eventually... give or take a century. But as long as there's the chance you'd say yes then I'm happy to make the effort.

William: If I say yes... What will you be doing in the meantime?

Kathryn: Eh... it's been about four hundred years since I've been home. I've got a ton of catching up I can do.

William: You sure don't LOOK that old.

Kathryn: I'll assume that to be a compliment. By the way... Fey don't really celebrate birthdays... but if your interested. Neirte's is in about two weeks. She'll be turning two hundred thirty eight. (William's eye's widen and bulge out) She doesn't look her age either...

William: I'll keep that in mind. (Re examines the documents) How the hell did you manage all of this?

Kathryn: I have some contacts in high places... namely an old boyfriend who works for the CIA. In fact... I hear your mom is seeing him these days. But that's irrelevant and time is short... so what do you say? (The scene fades out)



PART TWO


(The scene is the inside of a plush hotel room on the island of Nassau in the Bahamas... tropical plants line the outside of the open window and where the leaves part the blue expanse of the ocean can be seen. Several figures pass the window blocking the view of the ocean momentarily just before the sound of the lock is heard and the door to the room swings open banging against the wall. A bellhop rolls a cart directly in front of the door and begins to unload Trent and Daria's luggage. They enter behind the bellhop and begin to check the room out,...Trent makes a bee line for the bed and jumps on it to check the level of cushioning. Daria sighs as she tips the bellhop and he offers various tips about room service... the front desk, and placing phone calls. After he leaves Daria takes another look about the room before shaking her head at Trent and deciding to attempt to join him in his exuberance by turning and falling on the bed back first. The bed was surprisingly cool and comfortable... she'd actually fallen asleep within a brief moment only to be awakened by the sound of a ringing phone. Reluctantly Daria pulls herself out of bed and answers)

Daria: (annoyed) WHAT?

Jane Lane: My... aren't WE cranky today. What's the matter... did I interrupt an episode of bonding flesh? I'm sorry if I did... but I figured that since I didn't hear the bed frame slamming against the wall it would be safe to call you. I mean... since I'm right next door I should be able to hear such things.

Daria: Why don't you just drill a peep hole while you're at it and take pictures?

Jane Lane: So you WERE up to something!

Daria: NO... I was actually sleeping when you rang. Sitting for five hours on a plane tends to wear you out just a little.

Jane Lane: Maybe the flight would have been more entertaining if we got the flight attendants to give us the safety lecture again. You seemed to rather enjoy mocking them during that.

Daria: I was just translating what they were really trying to say... nothing more.

Jane Lane: And I'm sure the other passengers would thank you for that. (The scene blurs to just before Daria's flight taxied to the runway more than five hours ago. The flight attendant is busy giving the safety lecture)

Attendant: In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure...

Daria: *cough* Roof flies off!! *cough* (some of the other passengers turn to scowl at Daria who is just smirking. The scene blurs back to the present)

Jane Lane: Well... sorry to bug you then. My extension is seven triple six nine... give me a buzz when you're ready to go do something.

Daria: Gotcha... (Hangs up and walks back over to the bed. The scene cuts to late that evening, Daria Jane and Trent have arrived on the beach where a dining area has been set up around a large circular clearing by the sea. Jane is wearing a red low cut tank top shirt and khaki shorts. Daria is wearing a light blue sleeveless summer dress that is also low cut much to Daria's dismay. Apparently Amy had picked it out for her while under the impression that it would be a good idea for her mother to show some cleavage. Daria felt very self conscious as the group walked over the sand that her boobs were going to slip out at any moment. The atmosphere is festive and Carribean music plays in background supplied by a live band on a nearby wooden platform. A short distance away from the dining area is another section of beach where vacationers are participating in some sort of interactive display. A performer for the resort is juggling several flaming batons while selected members from the audience are tossing him additional items to handle in his act. Daria, Jane, and Trent find a table nearby and after seating themselves they begin to talk again)

Jane Lane: Wow... can you believe all the food they've got here? (Jane points out a large bon fire at the center of the clearing) Check out the pig on a spit!!

Daria: (Takes in a deep breath to enjoy the scents of all the food around her) I think I'm gaining weight just looking at it. (Beat) But then now that you mention it... it sort of reminds me of what sitting through one of Mr. O'Neil's classes was like.

Jane Lane: Really? I always thought boot camp was the closest experience to that.

Daria: To YOU maybe... (Pause) So anyway... sorry to conk out on you earlier. What did you do while I was out.

Jane Lane: I went down to the beach to strut my stuff in the water. I really think I should have tried that bathing suit on before I bought it. It really didn't stretch around my figure the way I thought it would.

Daria: (does her best impression of Tiffany) It made you look faaaaaaat?

Jane Lane: (Jane extends her middle finger and pulls the skin away from the underside of her eye with it exposing the blood shot whites of her eye) Nope... it's just that there was less material to work with than I originally thought. The suit was too tight around the chest and made me look like I had helium balloons for breasts, and they acted like it by trying to float out of the fabric every time a wave hit me. There's that and the fact that the suit kept riding up my rear end making it look like I was wearing a thong.

Daria: Look out world, Jane Lane the bay watch babe has arrived.

Jane Lane: Oh shut up... I gave more guys an eyeful then even I would feel comfortable to admit. So many cat calls... I felt like such a bimbo. Or in our case a Brittany... before she gained all the weight.

Daria: Gee... I'm not sure what I could say to make you feel any better. Um... I'm glad it wasn't me?

Jane Lane: Yuk it up while you can, Daria. For I have another one I shall wear tomorrow which I KNOW fits me just fine.

Daria: Just make sure the T-shirt you wear isn't white or there will be more eyefuls to be had. Though I guess there's nothing to be said about jean shorts... unless they're "Daisy Duke" short. Then you'll have that whole riding up your crack thing going again.

Jane Lane: I doubt that would matter much after you hear what I finally discovered.

Daria: Spare me... I don't even want to know.

Jane Lane: OOOOOHHH yes you do. (Clears her throat) Um... most of the beaches around here are clothing optional. (Daria's eyes widen) It turned out that I was actually the most fully dressed person there.

Daria: Please tell me that this other suit you're going to wear tomorrow isn't your birthday suit.

Jane Lane; Oh hell no... I'm not THAT adventurous. But I sure as hell don't mind being a spectator. How about you... gonna try the sunbathing thing again? (Daria places her head in her palm as if a sudden migraine had just come on. ) (In the background Trent has gotten up from the table to go check out the serving area. While he's checking out the food he leans a little too close to a flambe` and catches the bottom fringe of his baggy shirt on fire. At first no one notices as the small flames are barely visible in the glow of the bonfire in the background. But to make matters worse, a man nearby having had just a little too much to drink DOES notice and decides to try to help.)

Man: (stumbles up to Trent) Hey buddy... your shirts on fire, man.

Trent: Huh...? Oh hey... I just picked it up at a club. It's nothing special...

Man: No... I mean. You're really on fire...!

Trent: Did you used to be on Mystic Spiral's mailing list or something... I didn't think we still had any fans left. But thanks for hanging with us after all these years.

Man: (hiccups) Don't worry... I'll get it for ya. (He takes his drink and tosses it on Trent, the alcohol ignites in an intense burst of flame sending Trent screaming and running for the ocean. Daria from where she is sitting gapes as a flaming Trent scurries across the sand and dives into the salt water. The scene focuses on Jane and Daria still at their table)

Daria: Oh my god, what the hell has he done to himself THIS time? (Jane who has been snapping pictures with her camera since the moment Trent burst into flames gets up finally and runs after Daria to the waters edge along with the others from the resort staff.)

Jane Lane: (as Trent flounders in the surf) Damn Trent, are you all right? You looked like you were doing an impression of a roman candle for a minute there.

(Cut to the next day... Daria is sitting in the resort's main office. Jane as usual is sitting next to her for the sake of company)

Jane Lane: ...Do you have any idea how much salt water had to sting on a burn?

Daria: It was only first degree, Jane. That's no worse than a sunburn.

Jane Lane: Do you have any idea how much a sunburn can HURT? I feel for the poor boy. It'll be a while before he can let you get on top again.

Daria: Must your mind always be in the gutter, Jane? (Before Jane can respond the resort manager enters the room and takes a seat behind his desk. He thumbs through some papers and stops to read one or two of them before placing them on the desk in front of him)

Manager: Mrs. Lane... I'm terribly sorry about what happened last night. I trust your husband is resting well?

Daria: Nothing a little aloe won't cure. (Beat) So why did you ask us here?

Manager: I just wanted to make sure any of your concerns were taken care of before you continue your stay here... at least I'm hoping you'll continue your stay with us. For your own peace of mind the gentleman from last night has been sent back to the states... he won't be causing any further disturbances. We're also willing to extend your stay here by three nights as a means to make amends.

Daria: (looks amused that a resort would attempt to bribe her not to either bring legal action or soil it's good name) That's generous... but I really can't extend my leave. The U.S. navy gets just a bit touchy when it's officers don't return from leave on time.

Manager: I understand... perhaps a voucher to use those nights at another time then?

Daria: I really don't think that's necessary... but I'll tell you what you can do. I'm interested in exploring one of the other islands in the area. Can you arrange the travel to and from instead?

Manager: (sighs heavily) I imagine that's possible... although we don't have any resorts on the other islands. What could you possibly want to see on any of those?

Daria: A friend suggested I visit a specific one... I'd like to see if it lives up to her review. (Daria goes to a map on the wall of the Bahama islands and points to one on the map that's no bigger than the head of a thumb tack.) This one... I think.

Manager: Mrs Lane... I don't even think that island is inhabited. It might be difficult to guarantee your safety what with no police or service craft in the area.. I really don't think...

Daria: (scowls) That's fine then... I'll take the voucher. But can you direct me to someone who can fly us out there? (The manager stares weakly at Daria for a moment and then the scene fades out)

(The scene cuts back to Daria's home in the states three days later... Jane and Amy along with their boyfriends John, and Allen, have just come in the front door after having spent the day out on the town with some of their other friends. While the rest of them take up positions in front of the Tv in the living room, Jane heads into the kitchen to see if there were any alcoholic beverages remaining in the fridge. After digging out several wine coolers that some of her older friends had brought over the night before, Jane closes the fridge door and notices that the floor just inside the door leading to the deck is a little wet. She carefully walks over the area to look and see if maybe William was out by the dock swimming or something, but no one is out there. There is however the top half to a wet suit hanging on a hanger attached to a hook in the overhang that would normally be used to suspend a hanging plant. The wet suit itself is still dripping water, whomever wore it must have come into the house. Jane walks back into the living room)

Jane : Hey Amy... do you know if Will was around the house today?

Amy: Yea... he said he'd be around all day. Why...?

Jane: Just wondering... I noticed the floor in the kitchen was a little wet and there's a wet suit hanging out to dry on the deck. It looks like the one mom gave to um...our friend. (Amy raises an eyebrow in interest) Maybe she got tired of it or something. Anyway... check upstairs and see if will is there. And then smack him around for tracking water in the house.

John: Yea... go smack Will around. We'll just be down here looking for something on pay per view.

Jane: (scowls) No porn... my mom would kill us when she got home and saw the cable bill. (Groans come from the others as Jane heads up the stairs) Will... you up here? (Jane proceeds down the hall once she's reached the top of the stairs and checks her own room first. She finds some of her bureau drawers are half open as if someone was looking for something.) Jeez... it looks like a tornado came through here. (She leaves the room and heads to Amy's next only to find the same thing. Nothing appears to be missing at a glance... just a lot of clothes are out of order.) Oh man... don't tell me Will is into cross dressing now. (Loudly) Yo Will... where are you? (After a moment a reply comes from Daria's room and Jane walks quickly to investigate. Once inside the room Jane finds William showing a young woman, who is sitting on Daria's bed facing away from her, how to tie a shoe.) Hey Will,...why does it look like a tornado came through our rooms? (Stops in her tracks when she see's the black haired woman who is still turned away from her) And who's this?

William: Sorry... I needed to find some clothes that would fit her. You'll get them back as soon as I can get her some of her own.

Jane: (scowls and takes on a more hostile tone) Some stranger is wearing our clothes? (Neirte turns to look at Jane with a nervous expression on her face as she is uncertain of why Jane is angry. Once she see's the face of the young woman, Jane places it immediately) Oh my god,...what is she doing in the house!!? Forget that... how much longer can she hold her breath? Because we've got to get her out of here before the others see her.

William: Jane relax,...it doesn't matter if anybody see's her. It's cool now...

Jane: What the hell do you mean it doesn't... (Nierte leans against the nearby end table as she awkwardly attempts to stand up. At seeing this Jane takes on a dumbfounded expression and just begins to point)

Neirte: (once she has made it to her newly formed feet) Jane is okay...? (At hearing Neirte speak without being submerged in water, Jane falls to the floor unconscious. At hearing the loud thud everyone who was still downstairs comes hustling upstairs to investigate)

Allen: (being the first to enter the room starts tapping Jane on the cheeks in attempts to wake her up. After a moment Jane opens her eyes slowly) Hey... what happened?

Jane Huh...?

William: You passed out, Jane. Are you feeling okay?

Jane: (rubs her eyes) Oh god... I had the most bazaar hallucination. I thought I saw a mermaid with legs. (Everyone but William and Neirte erupts in laughter)

Allen: Have you been smoking anything we should be aware of, Jane?

Jane: (starts to get up) Screw you, Allen. I've never smoked anything in my life. (Jane freezes in her tracks when she hears the same voice and words as before)

Neirte: Jane is okay...? (this time Amy's attention is caught causing a similar dumbfounded expression)

Amy: Ho-ly SHIT...! (she looks Neirte up and down several times and rubs her eyes)

Allen/ John: What...? (Long moment of silence as Jane and Amy continue to stare at Neirte) What... who is she? What's going on?

Jane: This is um...this is...

Amy: This is um...Will's ...girlfriend, Neirte. She's from outside the country and we weren't expecting her to drop by like this. (Allen and John still looking confused, assertively shake Neirte's hand and say hello after she looks their hands over and under trying to figure out what they wanted her to do with them. ) Um... guys. Can you head back downstairs for a little bit? Neirte's an old friend and we'd like to chat with her for a bit.

Allen: (looks at John) Girl talk...

John: Yea... lets go before the gossip starts to fly. (They both leave the room and head downstairs. Amy closes the door, turns to stare at Neirte and just lets her mouth hang open as she tries to find the means to express any one of a thousand questions brewing within her mind. Finally she manages to blurt one out)

Amy: ...HOW?

William: It's REALLY complicated... trust me.

Jane: Yea... like we're gonna miss out on the mother of all stories. Tell us anyway. (William begins to go into as much detail as possible including to show them the video recording he'd made of the transformation with Daria's camcorder which for some reason Daria failed to take with her.)

(Cut to an hour later... The four come down the stairs with Neirte taking each step very cautiously. Allen and John are sitting on the couch in front of the Tv, they have been checking out the programming for the past hour.)

Allen: Hey ladies... we were wondering when you were going to join us. We've been looking through the cable in demand library. You guys want to watch the last season of Sick Sad world?

Jane: Trust me Allen... nothing on that show could POSSIBLY compare to some of the stuff we've seen.

Allen: Damn,...somebodies got a chip on their shoulder. (Looks at Neirte) Is she okay... she looks like she's just learning to walk or something.

William: Um...yea, she's okay. It's an old injury that acts up once in a while... she was attacked by a shark several years ago.

Allen/ John: SERIOUSLY??

William: (making things up as he goes) Yea... but she doesn't like to talk about it so let it go okay?

Allen: (shrugs) Damn... Um Okay, about the movie...how about a classic? There's a Sci-Fi series by some guy named George Lucas called "Star Wars". Sound like anything you'd be interested in? (Everyone looks about at each other and shrugs) Ok... "Star Wars" it is. (Allen orders the series while John pops open one of the wine coolers Jane had brought out earlier.)

John: (Looks at Neirte who is staring at the bottle trying to read the label) Did you want some? (Neirte just stares so John opens another bottle and hands it to her. She sniffs it and then makes a disgusted face. John just chuckles to himself) I seriously doubt wine coolers are known for their bouquet. I take it you don't drink?

Neirte: Not need... water was everywhere.

John: Ah... an alcoholic virgin!! Then allow me to teach you the finer arts of living. ...Just swig it. Like this ... (He raises the bottle to his lips and takes several large gulps) Ah... that way you barely taste it. No matter how crappy and stale the beer. (Neirte looks at the bottle and follows suit, but instead of a few gulps she downs the whole bottle and then makes several expressions indicating the nasty taste of the alcohol.) Still don't like it, huh? Okay... no big deal. We're not here to push anything on you... want some soda, water, tea? I'm sure there's got to be something to your taste around here? (Neirte shakes her head no and then turns to look at William who is now sitting on the couch adjacent to her. William pats the couch cushion a few times to encourage Neirte to come sit next to him, but not knowing what this means she imitates his actions causing John and Allen to erupt in laughter) Looks like she wants you to come to her, man. We can see who wears the pants around here can't we. (William says something to Neirte in Fey and she immediately gets up to walk over to him. This has the effect of shutting the other two up.)

William: She just didn't understand, you dumb ass. (Jane and Amy take seats next to their respective boyfriends in preparation to watch the movies)

Amy: Humble pie anyone?

John: Doesn't speak much English, huh...? Where is she from anyway, ..that doesn't sound like any language I'm familiar with. Come to think of it... that accent is pretty tough to place as well. (Jane, Amy, and William exchange glances with each other as they try to make something up that could be believable.) (The scene fades out)

(The scene cuts to the Bahamas two weeks later, Daria and Trent are just returning to their room after spending time in a hot tub. Trent, having spent far more time in then Daria, has thoroughly wrinkled fingers and toes as we walks to the bathroom dripping water the whole way there.)

Daria: (shakes her head at him as he begins to strip out of his wet swim trunks while standing in the door way to the bathroom. His naked rear end can be seen exposed to Daria in the main room.) God help me if I end up slipping on any of that later. They'll ask my why I wasn't watching out for the water on the floor and I'd have no choice but to tell them that it was because my husband had his ass exposed and I was trying to clear out of the area in a hurry.

Trent: (voice echoing in the bathroom) Was that a fart joke?

Daria: (VO) Actually that was an ugly rear end joke... but hey take it as you like it. (Out loud) Trent... you've burst into flames once already on this vacation. A case of gas may not be in your best interest... ever.

Trent: Dammit... that wasn't my fault. (Daria finds a towel and places it on the bed before sitting down on it next to the end table with the phone on it. She then proceeds to place a call to the states. After going through two different operators she finally gets the phone to ring on the other end. The scene cuts to Daria's house, Neirte is looking about the kitchen trying to figure out what just what the hell is making that ringing noise. Finally she locates the source and while examining it she lifts the phone off the cradle. Daria's voice is immediately heard in earpiece.)

Daria: It's about time... Hello? (On Neirte's end she looks astonished as she thinks there is someone inside the device) Hello... somebody wanna talk or what?

Neirte: Sound like Daria... who are?

Daria: (sounding slightly confused at the broken English) That's because I AM Daria... who is this? (In the background over the phone Neirte can be heard calling for help)

Neirte: Amy help... Daria stuck!!

Daria: (VO) Since when do the kids let their friends pick up the phone at OUR house? (Out loud) Hello... who am I speaking to?

Neirte: Am Neirte... Daria is okay in there? How you get in? (Daria pulls the phone away from her ear and stares at it for a moment before she hears Amy take the phone from Neirte)

Amy: Hello... mom?

Daria: Amy... who the hell was that? And why the hell are you letting your friends answer our phone for you?

Amy: That was um...Neirte.

Daria: (sighs) Amy... even if the phone were waterproof I doubt Neirte would know what the phone WAS much less how to operate it. Now who answered the phone?

Amy: (sounding insulted) Have I ever lied to you mom?

Daria: (sighs louder) That's impossible, Amy. Neirte can NOT talk out of the water.

Amy: Uuuuuuuuuhhhhh... she can NOW. And don't ask... it's way to complicated to explain over the phone. It's just something you'd have to see for yourself when you get back.

Daria: (sounding amused) Let me guess... she sprouted legs and grew lungs, right?

Amy: (VO) Jesus... the woman is psychic!!! (Out loud) Um yea... good one. Listen, I'll talk to you later okay? I've got to try to explain to Neirte how you got in the phone. This could take a while... gotta go, by!! (Amy hangs up and the scene cuts back to Daria)

(Trent has just emerged from the bathroom having changed into a fresh pair of shorts and a T-shirt.)

Trent: Was that Amy you were talking to?

Daria: Yea... but someone else answered the phone. According to Amy... it was Neirte.

Trent: I didn't know we had a waterproof phone.

Daria: We don't. That's what's got me... it sounded like her voice and Amy's never been one to make up a bogus story to cover for someone else.

Trent: I've never heard it, so I wouldn't know.

Daria: Does it matter? Something is going on at home... I just wish I knew what.

Trent: Hmm... well. Whatever it is... it can't be THAT bad. I mean the house is still standing and nobodies called the cops or been arrested, right? So why worry... whatever is going on can be sorted out when we get back.

Daria: And having said that... (Daria turns to the phone expecting it to ring... but it never does) Huh... our bad luck must be running out.

Trent: We never had bad luck... just luck.

Daria: (pauses in a nervous moment of thought) Do you think we should cut the trip short and go home so we can figure out what the hell is going on?

Trent: Nah... Your just worried because we've never left them on their own before. Like I said, whatever it is I doubt it's anything to worry about. Just put your mind on other things, like what did you want to do later today... tour of the island again?

Daria: That's okay, Trent. I had enough of the tour the first time when the driver started smoking a marijuana cigar and showing us all the places around the island where we could obtain it. Oh, and lets not forget all the nice women around the island who offered to braid my hair for me. I saw their other victims... they'll NEVER get those knots out without having to cut the hair completely off.

Trent: (shrugs) There's an art auction tonight... Jane will want to go check that out.

Daria: Hmm... yea but that's tonight. What about now?

Trent: We haven't been to the beach much since we got here.

Daria: That's because we discovered it was a clothing optional beach. The last thing I need is to walk down a beach full of naked people, most of which look like they have a jungle between their legs. Somebody needs to introduce the concept of a razor to these people.

Trent: You know, Daria. Nobody said you had to look at them... just enjoy yourself and let everybody else do their thing.

Daria: (sighs) I guess I just don't know how to relax anymore.

Trent: Sure you do... but you're thinking too hard about how to relax. The first step is NOT to think... and just let it happen.

Daria: I don't think that's possible. I think about everything these days.

Trent: Well... just remember that in order to relax you sometimes just have to flow with things as they unfold.

Daria: I guess. (Beat) Listen... I wanted to take a charter out to that island tomorrow with Jane. Want to come?

Trent: Nah... scuba diving isn't my thing. You guys go have a good time... I'll find something around here to do. Maybe I'll get some lessons on para sailing or something. (The scene blurs as Daria tries to picture Trent on a surfboard with a sail attached to it. The image is of him sailing straight out to sea as he is unable to figure out how to steer in any direction but straight. And he just keeps going into the sunset until he disappears from view. The scene snaps back to reality.)

Daria: Right... I'll make sure I send out a search party when I get back. (Trent laugh/coughs)

Trent: You know... there's a place here you can go to get a massage. I've heard the guy is pretty good, all the way from Germany or something.

Daria: Trent... do you REALLY want some strange man putting his hands all over me?

Trent: (shrugs) I could give you a massage, it's not such a bad idea now that I think about it. We've been so busy trying to think of what we should do on our vacation we forgot to pencil in time for the most important part of it. US...

Daria: (pauses with an interested look on her face) I don't think you've ever given me a massage before... think you'll be any good at it?

Trent: (smirks evilly) There's only one way to find out. (The scene fades out)

(Cut to Daria's house that evening as Amy picks up the phone after letting it ring five or six times. In the background William is seen sitting at the kitchen table drawing a candid pencil sketch of Amy's backside as she talk's on the phone . It appears to more of a caricature than anything else as he seems to be exaggerating the size of her rear end. As Amy stands facing the entrance to the living room, Neirte can be seen beyond her on the couch figuring out how to work the remote control. Even though she still had no idea how it all worked it seemed fun to be able to watch other people without them knowing it by pushing little rubber things on a strange device. The scene focuses more on Amy at this point as she begins to converse with her aunt Quinn on the phone)

Amy: Hey aunt Quinn... what's shakin`?

Quinn: Eh... not much. The baby's been fussy this morning... she's trying to claim every book and magazine in the house as hers.

Amy: Huh... whatever happened to toy cars and dolls?

Quinn: It's not the same with everybody... with me it was clothes.

Amy: (shakes her head) I don't even wanna know.

Quinn: You're better off... say can I ask you something?

Amy: Shoot...

Quinn: I know you only met her once... but have you seen Kathryn around lately? The last time I saw her she said she had some sort of a talk with William.

Amy: No but... um. By any chance did she wear a pendant all the time?

Quinn: Yea why?

Amy: A little circular one, kind of greyish in color, had something written in Fey engraved on it, necklace part was made out some kind of plant string.

Quinn: You've seen it?

Amy: Neirte's WEARING it. (Quinn gasps over the phone)

Quinn: Oh god... she DIDN'T!! (long silent pause) I can't believe it... how could she go back without saying goodbye?

Amy: Wait... you KNOW what this pendant does?

Quinn: Why are you so worried about that stupid pendant... my best friend left for home without even telling me she was going! (Starts to cry over the phone)

Amy: Hmm... let's see. Why am I worried about a stupid pendant? Oh yea, I remember. ...Because there's a FEY sitting in my living room trying to figure out how to work the freaking TV!!! And what's worse is she's hotter looking than any of US!! We were trying on bathing suits this morning and Jane Let Neirte have one of hers... I looked at Neirte and then myself. I swear, I felt like I was going to cry.

Quinn: (clears her throat in attempt to compose herself) Not an ounce of fat on her, huh?

Amy: Nope... all well toned muscle.

Quinn: (Laughs) Kathryn was always like that... it drove me NUTS. (Sighs) Listen... Joey's at work so I can't travel. Can you get William to come over here? I need to have a chat with him about this whole situation... see if Neirte wants to come too. I'll bet she's got some inside info that might clue us in as to why Kathryn did this.

Amy: No problem... do you want Neirte to bring that envelope of stuff Kathryn left for her?

Quinn: (pauses in surprise) Yea... bring it.

(The scene cut to Quinn's house. Jane, Amy, William, and Neirte are sitting around the kitchen Table with Quinn who is looking through the documents that Kathryn left.)

Quinn: And Kathryn told you she'd be back by the end of the month?

William: That was the deal... why?

Quinn: Didn't that sound kind of cruel to you... to give you something and then take it away?

William: That's what I thought... but I figured it's better to be with someone you love for a little while then not at all.

Quinn: You really do love her... it's not just a crush? (Will nods his head as Neirte does her best to follow the conversation) Did Kathryn tell you how rare it is to fall in love first before becoming mates among the fey?

William: (voice flutters) Mates...? (awkward pause) No... but I suddenly get the feeling that she should have. (Looks about at everyone else in search of a clue) You don't think she'll live up to the agreement... do you?

Quinn: (smirks) She will... I've never known Kathryn to break her word... EVER.

William: That's a relief. Any idea why she went to such lengths to get Neirte into the system? It's like she's planning for this to be long term or something.

Quinn: That's my impression... I'd say she's rolling the dice on you two.

Jane: Wait... you mean she's hoping they'll want to stay together and not go back to the way things were? Why the hell would she do that... what about everything she has here?

Quinn: They're material things... the Fey are family oriented. If Kathryn's gamble pans out... at least in her mind, everybody gets something. She gets to go home and Will and Neirte get to be together eventually as family.

Amy: With a major snag in the works... the parents? Mom has been keeping this thing about Neirte and Will being together from aunt Jane because she figured it was just a phase and that she was afraid aunt Jane would spaz on a life threatening scale..

Jane: Not to mention where is she going to live? (Amy stares at Jane because of the inconsequentiality of her statement compared to Amy's)

William: Oh my god, So she's been wanting us to get MARRIED? (places his head in his palms) I'm such an idiot... I've been played this whole time.

Quinn: William... a part of you must have wanted this if you agreed to it in the first place. You're not stupid. (VO) I least I hope you're not.

William: (groans) I need to go think for a while. ( He gets up from the table and walks briskly out of the house. In the background a car can be heard starting)

Quinn: You guys brought separate cars?

Amy: Always... that way nobody has to wait for everybody else if they want to go.

Neirte: (looking very confused) Why William leave without us?

(Cut to Daria's house. William is standing on the edge of the dock throwing stones out over the water as the sun is setting. Behind him Will hears the small splash of someone climbing out of the water. He turns to find Kathryn smiling at him but she soon has to duck when he throws a stone at her.)

William: What the hell are YOU doing here? (Kathryn begins to sign to him)

Kathryn: (sign) Whoa... what's the problem?

William: You set me up... you were hoping you wouldn't have to come back.

Kathryn: (sign) I never set you up... I made an honest deal with you. I admit I was hoping you would want to stay together but if you ultimately don't want to be together then I'll live up to my end and make the switch back. I came by to check and see how things were going.

William: You went to an awful lot of trouble for an honest deal. Was Neirte in on it too?

Kathryn: (sign) Neirte only knows what you and I discussed... she doesn't know what the documents are or what they're for. That was for just in case... I couldn't exactly arrange anything from here if you decided you wanted her to stay.

William: (groans in frustration as he tosses another stone out over the water) Alright... I can see the point in that. (Beat) You could have told me though.

Kathryn: (sign) Kind of takes the fun out if you know, doesn't it? (William smirks)

Wiliam: Is there anything ELSE you've done? (Kathryn smiles and raises an eyebrow) Of coarse... but you're not going to tell me yet. (Sighs) So what happens now?

Kathryn: What do you want to happen? We can call the whole thing off if you like... make the switch back just as soon as you can get Neirte over here. You do realize how much it'll hurt her emotionally that you don't want her around anymore.

Willaim: I DO want her around. It's just that... you were hoping for us to STAY together. Maybe even get married.

Kathryn: Didn't you say once that you wanted that?

William: (studies her face in a moment of perplexion) Neirte was eavesdropping...? (Kathryn nods)

Kathryn: (sign) She doesn't know what marriage is though... I avoided the subject when she asked. I didn't want her to get her hopes up or get the wrong impression.

William: That's why you did all of this isn't it... you were hoping it was true?

Kathryn: (looks down for a moment and then continues to sign) Alcen never got the opportunity to see Neirte find a mate. But at least I can see it for the both of us... I feel like I owe it to my sister to help her daughter find happiness. (Taps her throat for a moment and then continues to sign) Sorry... getting choked up a bit. I'll need to go down for air in a couple of minutes. So...do you want her to stay or go?

William: (looks down at the dock and then smiles) Do you even need to ask?

Kathryn: (sign) Follow your heart then... if you need anything at all then go to my place. Quinn will give you the address, the spare key is behind a loose piece of siding on upper left side of the front door. I left some spending cash in the mirror drawer in case you needed to get anything for Neirte. (Beat) One more thing though... my service piece is in a locked box under my bed. Do you know anything about handling and maintaining a gun safely?

William: My mom showed me the in's and outs years ago... just in case I ever found hers unsecured. Why...?

Kathryn: Good... make sure you keep mine secured and maintained. If you don't want it... give it to Daria or Quinn. They'll know how to dispose of it properly.

William: I have no use for a weapon... sorry.

Kathryn: (sign) Don't be... that's good to hear. I didn't think you did... I just didn't want to leave it around for somebody to find. Neirte has no concept of weapons or what they can do, I don't want her to become an innocent victim or anything. (Beat) Now... back to the subject at hand. What does your heart tell you?

William: I think I'll follow your example and let it be a surprise for you. (Kathryn takes one the rocks William had tossed at her earlier and throws it back)

Kathryn: (sign) You ass...

(Cut to the Bahamas a week later)

(The weather having been uncooperative the first time they tried to make it to this island, Daria and Jane have finally managed to arrive and have just finished unloading some scuba equipment from a small Cessna seaplane. The pilot, a native to the Carribean, advises them when he will return to retrieve them and warns them that poachers in the area sometimes place nets along the reefs to catch some of the tropical sea life. After which he departs with the plane leaving a disturbed sea in his wake. Daria and Jane, once they are alone on the island begin to change into their wetsuits and gear up in preparation to enter the water.)

Jane Lane: (pretends to hold a tri-corder in her hands) Interesting... there doesn't appear to be any intelligent life in the area.

Daria: Who are you now... Mr. Spock? You've gotten rid of the ears I see.

Jane Lane: I kept using them to open cans... they wore down eventually.

Daria: Better shop on Ebay for a new set then. (Jane laughs) Try to watch the reef itself... it'll cut you up pretty good if you're not careful. Ever see "Castaway"?

Jane Lane: Yea... but there's a difference. We're not trying to escape using a half inflated raft.

Daria: I doubt scuba gear would have helped the guy much... once he ran out of air he'd have to surface and swim back over the reef to get back to land before he drowned.

Jane Lane: It still would have seemed like a more professional attempt. (Beat) I heard you called home a while back... anything new?

Daria: (while still checking her equipment) What the hell brought that on?

Jane Lane: I was talking to Trent this morning... he said some girl picked up the phone. Did you catch a name?

Daria: (looks at Jane with annoyance) I thought it was somebody I knew but it couldn't have been. (Beat) Yes... I think your son was there so stop bugging me already. I told you... he's straight.

Jane Lane: I'd better get to meet her, dammit. Tha