Author's Note: Daria and its associated characters are the property of MTV/Viacom. This was not written for money or any other compensation. It is only fanfic and written for the pure enjoyment of it.
Scarlett the Fairy and the Halloween Party
Yes, it was that time of year when children and adults alike celebrate by putting on costumes more outlandish than anything a cosplayer could even think of. Or would want to.
No, it wasn't Let's Make a Deal. It was Halloween, and in Lawndale, everyone was in the spirit.
Wait a minute, that sounds a little too intimate, especially if your girlfriend happens to be a spirit. Let's just say that everyone felt merry.
Hold on, now, that sounds even more intimate, especially for women named Mary. O.K., I'll just say that people jumped for joy.
Kinda makes you wonder if Joy got away, doesn't it?
Halloween was in Lawndale, like I said, and there were parties galore. Lawndale High School had their own voluntary party, of course. Mandatory attendance was required for both students and faculty.
Not that it really mattered, since all the students were actually excited by it.
Well, most of them were.
Would you believe that some of them were? Really! Since Sandi Griffin's costume malfunction the year before, the boys were always excited about another "accident". Some even wondered how they could help out in such a situation. Or even give a girl a hand, or two.
After all, some were actually disappointed at only seeing the...rear...of the situation.
For those who are wondering, Sandi's hand healed perfectly after the repeated slaps she made to boys who commented on her previous year's Pocahontas costume.
I won't, however, tell how they mispronounced Pocahontas, because, as always, this is a classy tale. The name the boys gave her was actually more of a wish than the truth, though. That much I can tell you.
Now, fairies are always welcomed at the local Halloween parties, as are the various imaginary creatures. After all, they actually add to the holiday festivities.
On a related note, the Holidays are even welcome here during Halloween, though only Halloween herself actually shows up because things tend to go awry here. Which is really the main reason she shows up.
This year, however, Halloween herself was in Sturgis, South Dakota, showing off her new Harley Davidson. Which is probably just as well, even if she was freezing her butt off. After all, late October in the Dakotas is usually cold.
The other holidays don't like to come here, however, because it's kind of hard for them to stand out when there are fairies, sentient teddy bears and rainbow-colored koalas, as well as sorts of imaginary creatures out and about.
Entertainment for the school's party was provided by Mystik Spiral, mainly because Rock-n-Roll Randy wasn't available. Fortunately, they didn't hit any notes high enough to crack the glass. Instead, they settled for cracking eardrums.
Judging from the regular winces from most of the students and faculty, it was apparent that they were succeeding.
As far as food goes, there were pizzas galore, as well as punch, cookies, chips and pretzels. But there were no muffins, I should note.
Now, you wondered if I was ever going to mention Scarlett the Fairy, didn't you? After all, this is another tale of her adventures.
For, at this party, Scarlett had volunteered to be one of the judges for the costume contest.
She worked with Ms. Li, Mr. DeMartino and Ms. Barch. In fact, Ms. Li situated the young fairy between the two teachers, mainly to keep him from being beaten half to death.
Amongst the costumes being displayed, there were some good originals. The Fashion Club portrayed Charlie's Angels, though both Quinn Morgendorffer and Sandi Griffin wanted to be Jill Munroe. Both wore tight white blouses and just as tight blue jeans. Tiffany Blum-Deckler was supposed to be Kelly Garrett and Stacey Rowe was supposed to be Sabrina Duncan.
Their Bosley was portrayed by Charles Ruttheimer the Third, though he was required to remain at least fifteen feet away from them at all times.
Kevin Thompson and Brittany Taylor were dressed up as zombies, complete with torn and disheveled clothing and faked bloody wounds.
No, Brittany did NOT reveal either of her...charms. She is, you know, quite modest, and this is a classy tale. That, of course, didn't stop the various male students (and at least one male teacher) from hoping that the head cheerleader had a costume malfunction.
Daria Morgendorffer dressed up as Raven from Teen Titans, and revealed more of her legs than one would normally expect. Quinn fumed, naturally, especially when many of the male students noticed said legs and not her own.
Even Mr. DeMartino muttered something about wishing he was thirty years younger when he saw Daria.
Jane Lane dressed up as Death, at least as the character appeared in DC's Vertigo comics.
Jodie Landon dressed up as a Disney princess, while Michael "Mack" Mackenzie dressed up as Baron Samedi (from the James Bond film Live and Let Die). He freaked out quite a few people when they learned that he could do a spot-on imitation of actor Geoffrey Holder's deep-throated voice.
Mack, of course, won in the male category. That deep laughter made some people look around nervously for actor Roger Moore. Or even the novelist.
Brittany won in the female category. Kevin didn't win, though, because as Mr. DeMartino pointed out, his costume actually looked normal on him. Ms. Li, who had just paid the bill to replace the floor tiles damaged by Kevin's cleats, agreed. Scarlett was already biased against Kevin for his past actions towards her. Ms. Barch did give him credit for looking smarter than he normally did, but still voted against him on general principals.
After the costume judging, Scarlett decided to go bobbing for quinces. The truth be told, she liked peaches and cherries much more than she did quinces. Peaches, however, were too big and cherries only leant themselves to dirty jokes.
There was a crowd gathered around the tub. Quinn Morgendorffer and Stacey Rowe watched, as did the three Js, and many background students.
Have you ever wondered what background studies are like? No? Neither have I.
Scarlett had to use her wings to hold herself up at the lip of the tub. She smiled at everyone, took a deep breath and then dunked her head in the water in her first attempt.
Then Joey pushed Scarlett completely into the tub of cold water, apples and quinces. Suddenly, everyone was silent as the female fairy splashed around in shock. However, the young teen laughed like an idiot at our redheaded heroine.
Over to the side, Jeffy and Jamie (or was it Jeremy? Jamal? Jehosephat?) snickered quietly. They had dared their friend to do the deed, and didn't think he had the guts to do it.
Needless to say, the young goth fairy was not happy. Not at all. She rose out of the water slowly, a look of fury on her face. Her hair hung wet on her head; her clothes were sopping wet and clung to her skin. The water dripped off her and fell back into the tub.
What surprised the bystanders, however, was that she was able to rise without using her wings, which hung wet and useless on her back. Her angry stare at the football player didn't faze him at all, for he still laughed at her.
When she drew her right leg up, bent her knee forward and held her arms out at the side, Ms. Li cringed and Mr. DeMartino smiled. They both knew what was coming next. After all, they had seen The Matrix.
No, not together! Ms. Li is secretly a member of the Lawrence Fishburne Fan Club and actually thinks he's "The One." Don't tell her that I told you about that, O.K.?
Mr. DeMartino, however, saw the movie with Ms. Defoe in her darkened living room. Well, he saw part of the movie, in all honesty, but we're not about to go there.
Joey pointed at her chest as he laughed even harder at what he had accomplished. That was when Scarlett kicked the left side of his face.
You would think that a teenaged football player would be able to take a kick from a fourteen-inch-tall fairy, wouldn't you? Most people would think so.
But, no, you would be wrong. Scarlett, you see, is a 6th degree black belt in fairy fu, and to paraphrase Hegel, those who do not learn from history will have the bejeepers kicked out of them by enraged fairies.
You know, fairy fu sounds even worse than dirty jokes about cherries.
The force of the fairy's kick knocked the dark-haired boy onto his back several feet away, and made him more addled than Texans who live on nachos.
Once again, there was silence, except for a cheer from Ms. Barch. Then a boy in a gorilla costume decided to take advantage of the situation. He dunked an empty chip bowl in the water tub, drew out at least two gallons of ice cold water and doused Brittany Taylor's face and chest with it.
Now, you might be expecting me to give you a detailed description of how the remnants of Brittany's zombie costume clung to her protruding...charms, so to speak.
Sorry, this is, as always, a classy tale, so use your imaginations if you're curious. Or you could wait a few years until the release of Cheerleaders - R - Wild on DVD, only $19.95, plus $2.95 shipping and handling. Dial 1-800-Huh-Huh-Huh-Huh. Operators are standing. Bye.
Oops, where was I again? Oh, yes, I was telling you about the Halloween party. Well, Brittany had learned about the effectiveness of moleskin to not only hold clothing onto her skin, but to cover certain areas as well. Thus, most of her virtue was still intact.
But Kevin Thompson, who had smiled at Scarlett's predicament, now jumped the student in the gorilla costume and began pummeling him.
Guess what happened next? No, not a hockey game, but I'll eventually find a way to fit that bad joke into one of these tales.
The fists were a flying, much to Mr. DeMartino's pleasure and Ms. Li's horror. Now, Ms. Barch jumped on one football player, a young man with a van dyke and broad shoulders. He was dressed like Count Dracula, but shrieked like a little girl when the man-hating teacher rammed her right knee into his crotch.
Mystik Spiral, which had been performing Icebox Woman when Scarlett was dunked, changed to Ballroom Blitz.
Jane Lane and Daria Morgendorffer had managed to get behind a table away from the free-for-all, and noted that for once, Mystik Spiral found a song that really fit them.
Jodie Landon took advantage of the situation to fight a girl on the track team who had been "making moves" on Mack. At the same time, several of the cheerleaders turned on Charles Ruttheimer the Third, because he also took advantage of the chaos. But not by fighting. Let's just say that we can call him the "Handy Man".
Can't you just picture Sammy Davis Jr. singing that one?
He was squealing, but with Upchuck, it's hard to tell if it was in pain or pleasure. Or both. To be honest, I don't think I really want to know.
Quinn Morgendorffer was upset, because nobody was fighting over her. That was when Sandi Griffin calmly and cooly poured a bowl full of water on Quinn's head and chest.
Ahh, sounds like Spring Break at Fort Lauderdale already, doesn't it? Judging from the shocked cry from Quinn and the (happy) gasps of the nearby boys, I'd say so.
However, let's get back to Scarlett and her reactions. She hovered over Joey's belly, then dropped onto him, feet first.
Then she grabbed the collar of his Caesar costume and pulled his head up. Normally, our young heroine wouldn't have the strength to do this, but when fairies are furious, their adrenaline helps them. A lot.
Scarlett slapped the boy silly, which admittedly wasn't a far ride, then turned her attention to Jeffy and Jeromeo, uhhh, whatever his name is. They so far hadn't joined in on the fracas, but when they saw the furious redheaded fairy advance on them, they decided to run.
For all the good it did them. Scarlett landed on the back of Jeffy's head and pulled his hair. At the same time, she pushed him into Whatsisname and both fell face first onto the floor.
Well, Whatsisname was knocked out, but Jeffy laid on his chest and belly, his legs kicking and his right arm waving around as Scarlett twisted his left arm behind his back. Of course, the young football player screamed like a little girl.
When Ms. Barch stood up and chased after Mack, Ms. Li finally got around to calling the Lawndale Police Department.
She was still chasing Mack and Scarlett was still twisting Jeffy's arm behind his back when the police showed up.
The whistles got the young goth fairy's attention. She quickly released the hapless football player and flew up into the rafters.
Kevin was still pummeling the boy in the gorilla costume when the police rushed into the gymnasium.
Guess what happened next? Yes, Kevin did the electric boogie once again. And once again, Scarlett laughed like mad at his reactions.
Even Ms. Barch did the boogie, caused by a rookie policeman who had been through her science class several years earlier.
Eventually, the police calmed the situation and cleared out the gymnasium, and Scarlett was all alone in the rafters.
She looked down at the pizzas and punch and cookies and smiled.
Needless to say, Scarlett the Fairy enjoyed her food while everyone else went home...or to jail.
Author's Note: I'd like to thank the following people for their comments on this story when it first appeared on the PPMB: Kristen Bealer, Brother Grimace, vlademir1, and Richard Lobinske,