This is my first fanfic, so I appreciate all forms of feedback. Neither
"Daria" nor "Much Ado about Nothing" are my inventions, so
please don't sue me, I won't get money by this. I used Shakespeare's immortal
text and the recommendable film by Kenneth Branagh, so it's not completely
according to the original.
in
"Much
The characters:
Charles Ruttheimer as Don Charles, his distant cousin
Jesse Moreno as Count Jesse of Swedesville
Tom Sloane as Sir Thomas of Fielding
Anthony DeMartino as Don Anthony, Governor of
Max Tyler/Nick Campbell as Guardsmen of Don Trent
Brad&Brett Ruttheimer as Servants
of Don Charles
Kevin Thompson as Chief of the
Timothy O'Neill as Friar Timothy
Daria Morgendorffer as Daria, ward of Don Anthony
Jodie Landon as Jodie, a friend of Jane
Tiffany Blum-Deckler as Tiffany, Jane's chambermaid
Ted DeWitt-Clinton as Theodore, the Prince's Messenger
Joey, Jeffy, Jamie as Constables of
Act One
Scene I
Lawndale High, at the auditorium.
The curtain opens to reveal a group of people dressed
in light medieval clothes, among them Daria, Jane, Jodie and Mr. DeMartino. Ted
enters the stage and adresses DeMartino.
Ted: All hail,
my liege. I haft a message from noblest Prince Trent to be delivereth unto thy
ownst hands... (he hands him a letter)
Daria: (whispers to Jane) Just peachy. One
sentence and he forgot that Ms. Li abandoned the medieval text because Kevin
couldn't understand it.
DeMartino: (trying to hold back in spite of Ted's
mistake) Good. Let me see it. (he
reads the letter) I see that Prince Trent has been victorious in battle.
Ted: (noticing his fault) Oh yeah. He has lost
only a few men, and none popular or even good at his job...
DeMartino: This
says that a man called Count Jesse has assisted the Prince in all matters of
importance. I never heard of him. What kind of man is he?
Ted: He has
fought with true courage and enthusiasm. Prince Trent made him his deputy after
the battle.
Daria: Excuse
me, sir, but has young Lord Ride-giver survived the battle? I am interested to
hear how he awaited the news of victory in a safe place far from the havoc of
war.
Ted: I'm afraid
I don't know to whom you're referring, mylady...
Jane: Oh, she's
referring to the honourable Thomas of Fielding. Every time she meets him, she
tries to outwit him with her sarcasm. It's always a sight to see them exchange
words...
Ted: He has
done his duty as a brave soldier, lady. Indeed, he proved to be the best knight
a commander can have.
Daria: (mockingly to Jane) Oh dear, the
honourable Thomas must have been even more generous with wine than last time. (nods towards Ted) And this young fool
has probably had more than his share in the distribution to praise the host
like this.
DeMartino: Come
on, Daria. Even you have to admit that Sir Thomas is a valiant man who stands
loyally and fearless to his principles.
Daria: You're
right, uncle. Although I hope that his sword tasted the blood of the enemy this
time. Last time it only tasted the commandeered provisions he ate while all the
other knights fought somewhere else...
Ted: You're
funny! (remembers his role again) I
see that this gentleman does not enjoy your respect or your friendship, mylady.
Daria: All he
enjoys while being in my company is my pity. But every time I see him, he's got
a new companion listening to his babbling. Please tell me whom he chose this
time to be the target for his antics.
Ted: Well, he
rode all the time next to Count Jesse and they discussed eagerly... (looks to the entrance) But there is
Prince Trent with his officers!
A group of males enters, also dressed in medieval
garb. Among them are Trent, Tom, Jesse, Max, Nick, Upchuck and his cousins.
DeMartino:
Welcome to my modest house, Prince Trent. I am glad to hear about your great
victory and I invite you and your men to stay at my house for some time to
relax from the strains of combat.
DeMartino: (laughs) Only the black-haired one,
mylord. The others are my ward Daria and their friend Jodie. After my wife
died, I couldn't find another woman to share my life with, so Jane's my only
child and will be my heir...
Tom: (to Jesse) She may be his daughter and
heir, but I'm really glad that she neither inherited his temper nor his looks. (realizes that Jesse is not listening, but
stares at Jane) Anyway, it will be good to relax for some time...
Daria: (interrupts him) Awkward, isn't it? You
try to say something and nobody listens to you. You should get used to it... (Tom turns to her)
Tom: At least
you seem to be listening, my dear Lady Misery. Though I wonder why it must be
you of all ladies to adress me. For I am loved by all of them except you, but I
love none.
Daria: Thank
heavens for that. I would pity any woman you love. I would never want to hear a
man swear his love to me.
Tom: Which will
keep at least one man from a scratched face and a horrible future.
Daria: If you
were your face, I could only improve it by scratching. How was playing war with
your buddies? I remark that you haven't put on weight like the last time. You
weren't allowed to be in charge of the supply in this war, right?
Tom: I'd love
to have a horse with the velocity and endurance of your tongue. Now please
excuse me, I have to talk with my war-playing buddies. (he walks towards
Trent: (raising his voice) Listen to me,
please. Don Anthony has offered us to stay here for at least a month and longer,
if we won't have eaten up his supplies by then. (to DeMartino) Let me introduce my cousin to you, Don Anthony. (he motions Upchuck to come to him) Charles,
this is Anthony, our noble host.
DeMartino: I
welcome you, Don Charles, and hope that you will have peace with your cousin
from now on. (to
All people except Jesse and Tom exit.
Jesse: Have you
noticed Anthony's daughter, Tom? She seems to be a very pleasant young lady...
Tom: You mean
Jane? I looked at her. But not in the way you did. You measured her with your
eyes like a tailor... But wait. You want my judgement about her?
Jesse: (eagerly) Yes, please tell me what you
thought when you looked at Jane.
Tom: Well, I
didn't fail to see several characteristics of beauty around her, and I just
heard Anthony saying that she is the sole heir of his fortune. Most men would
be attracted by the combination of wealth and beauty in a woman, I'm sure as
hell not. Do you want to buy her or why do you ask me about her?
Jesse: (dreamily) Could all the riches of the
world buy such beauty?
Tom: Lots of
it. Do you like her?
Jesse: Jane is
the sweetest lady I ever saw. She must be the incarnation of beauty...
Tom: I've seen
her too and I disagree. That Daria has been equipped with much more beauty than
her, but sadly also with a tongue to drive away all males. If not for that, the
admirers would line up to court for her. (alarmed)
You don't plan to marry and become a husband, do you?
Jesse: I would
lie to myself and you if I denied that, and even if I had sworn celibacy, I
would have to break my oath.
Tom: Dammit!
Why must every man except me be seduced by female beauty? One day I'll be the
only bachelor in the whole army. Go for it if you must, but you'll soon regret
it, I tell you. (
Trent: Hello,
guys. What are you doing here while everyone else is preparing for dinner?
Tom: I could
tell you, mylord, but you wouldn't like it.
Trent: So tell
me please, Thomas.
Tom: So be it.
Our noble Jesse here is in love. Yes, in love. With Anthony's daughter. He just
told me that and said that he intends to marry her.
Jesse: He's
right, mylord. I can't think of anything else since I laid eyes on her.
Trent: That's
good news indeed. That lady is certainly worth it, I know.
Tom: Now don't
support him please. I just tried to get him off that stupid idea. Marriage! As
if a man would be better off chained by a woman than free on his horse!
Trent: One day
you'll meet a woman you'll fall for, my dear Tom. Then you'll understand that
women are the salt of the earth.
Tom: I was born
by a woman; thanks for that. She raised me; thanks for that too. But the day I
decide to marry one will be THE day, I tell you. No woman will ever get me in
her net as long as I can still fight it.
Jesse: I'm sure
that one day you won't fight it. That day might not be far...
Tom: Oh please.
If that should ever happen, write a sign to hang around my neck: "Here
stands Thomas in shame, defeated by a woman."
Trent: Well,
before you continue the discussion, one of you could go to Anthony and tell him
that I'll meet him at supper. Tom, could you do that?
Tom: Yes,
mylord. In the meanwhile, please talk to that poor wretch before he wrecks his
life and abandons his freedom. (he
leaves)
Jesse: Mylord,
I assure you that I'm serious about courting for Jane. I saw her before we went
to war, and I liked her. But now the fighting is done and I realize that I want
to change my life. I want to marry Jane and live with her.
Trent: I
believe you, Jesse. And if you want to marry Jane, I will ask Anthony myself
about her.
Jesse: Don't
you think that I should wait for some time before I explain myself to her?
Trent: Why
wait? Tonight is a great party and everyone will wear masks. I'll tell Jane
about your love and court for her, pretending I'd be you. Soon she'll agree to
the proposal and we'll celebrate a rousing wedding. (they leave)
Scene II
In another room at the house. Upchuck and Brad are
sitting at a table, talking to each other.
Brad: But why
are you sad, mylord?
Upchuck: I hate
my current situation. Since Prince Trent forgave me for hitting on his gothic
chick last month, I sit around and do nothing but thinking. I can't fight in
his army or do anything useful and everyone thinks that I depend on him. I want
to do what I want even if I do wrong.
Brad: Isn't
there anything which would amuse you, mylord?
Upchuck: A good
quarrel between my cousin and his friends would amuse me. Something to hurt
Brett: As a
matter of fact, I do. I overheard the Prince Trent and Count Jesse as they
talked. They spoke about marriage.
Upchuck:
Marriage? But who shall be the couple?
Brett: It seems
that Count Jesse intends to marry Anthony's daughter Jane. The prince will
propose as Jesse's messenger on the party tonight.
Upchuck: Jesse!
That dumbass plans to marry the sweet Jane? She once blew me off when I tried
to date her. There has to be a way to make mischief. Will you assist me?
Brad: Sure,
mylord.
Brett: With all
our power. (they leave)
Act Two
Scene I
At the hall. DeMartino enters with Daria and Jane, all
three are masked. Several masked people are already standing there.
DeMartino: What
do you think of Don Charles, Daria?
Daria: He seems
to be a real tight pain in the neck, uncle. I can't understand why the prince
cares about him.
DeMartino:
Daria, I wonder how you can possibly expect a man to fall in love with you if
you keep on talking like that. If you could hold back your tongue just a bit...
Daria: Look
uncle, either a man takes me in spite of my tongue or he doesn't. If he does,
he knows what awaits him. If he doesn't, it's not my problem. I'll never fall
in love with a man if men don't change fundamentally. The man who enchants me
hasn't been born yet. I'm afraid you'll have to endure the pleasure of my
presence in your house for some more time... (she smirks)
DeMartino: (sighs) You're so weird sometimes...
Jane: But she's
right about Don Charles, dad. He's such a creep.
DeMartino: (getting serious) Jane, I have to tell
you something important. My attendant told me that he overheard a conversation
between Prince Trent and Count Jesse. The Count said that he loves you and
asked the Prince to propose to you tonight at the party. I wanted you to be
prepared for that.
Jane: Count
Jesse? That's the long-haired muscular guy, right? Hmmm...
Daria: Oh dear,
I think I just heard wedding-bells ringing. But always remember that you're
supposed to be ruled by your husband. He'll get a BIG surprise...
DeMartino:
Look, the knights are coming.
Several masked men enter. After a second, they can be
recognized by their haircuts as Jesse, Trent, Tom, Upchuck and his cousins.
Tom: Good
evening, mylady. Would you like a short walk through the garden?
Jane: I'd
appreciate that, dear sir. Walk ahead. (they
leave)
In the meanwhile, Tom has turned to Daria and has
mumbled something inaudible. She answers him.
Daria: You want
to know who told me I was a misery chick and a misfit? Well, that was the
honorable Sir Thomas. I'm sure you know him, since you're obviously a member of
the prince's closest circle.
Tom: (trying to conceal his voice) Well, I am
a friend of the prince. But I don't think that I know this gentleman Sir Thomas
you spoke of. What kind of man is he?
Daria: He's the
prince's jester. A man full of poor jokes and dull wit; he's only liked by the
roughest villains because he meets their level of humour. If he'd be man enough
to approach me, I'd tell him that personally; but since he isn't, give him my
regards.
Tom: If I meet
the gentleman, I'll tell him your opinion about him, that's sure. Oh look, the
dance continues! (Everyone but Jesse,
Upchuck and his cousins leave)
Brad: That's
Jesse, I know him by his haircut.
Upchuck: Let's
start the fun. (adresses Jesse) You're
Sir Thomas, right?
Jesse: (trying to sound like Tom) Yes, I am.
What do you wish?
Upchuck: You're a true and
loyal friend to the prince. He has left along with Lady Jane, I fear that he
intends to marry her. This must be prevented at all costs since she's not equal
to him, neither by birth nor by moral.
Jesse: (shocked) Why do you think that he
intends to marry her?
Brett: I heard
him telling one of his friends that he'd propose to her this very evening.
Upchuck: So did
I. Let us go to the banquet now. (They
leave)
Jesse: (now alone) So the prince lied. He wants
Jane for himself, not for me. Should I tell him about that conversation? But I
don't even know who these men were. So be it. Farewell then, sweet Jane. (Tom enters, unmasked)
Tom: Jesse? (Jesse takes off his mask) Come with me.
The prince has got your Jane.
Jesse: (bitter) I hope they live happily ever
after. Leave me alone.
Tom: Don't be
angry with me, I just told you. I'm neither the prince nor Jane.
Jesse: Ok, then
I'll leave. (He does as told, leaving Tom
back)
Tom: Poor fool.
But the things Daria said about me... Poor jokes and dull wit my foot! I shall
have my revenge against that badmouthed woman soon.
Trent: (enters) Hello Tom. Have you seen the
count?
Tom: Well, he
was here a minute ago. I told him that you had asked the lady about her hand in
marriage and that you probably succeeded. I offered him my help, but he
preferred to leave.
Trent: Why
should he leave?
Tom: I think he
misunderstood you. He said that you wanted the lady for yourself.
Trent: But I
wooed her for him! Oh, by the way, the lady Daria told me that she danced with
a man who told her you badmouthed her seriously.
Tom: That woman
says what...! Oh, she turned around all I said and twisted it into big and ugly
words, harming my reputation in the process. No man'll ever understand that...
witch!
Trent: Talking
of the devil, there she comes.
Enter Jesse, Daria, Jane and DeMartino.
Tom: I feel
like making a LONG walk. Do you have any errand to be done at the end of the
world, mylord? I'd go to the pole and back rather than talk to that HARPY! Or
do you need ANYTHING which would present the need for me to leave right now?
Trent: (laughs/coughs) Not really, but I could
need your superb conversational skills here.
Tom: That's the
one thing I can not assist you with right now. (He leaves)
Trent: Well
mylady, I fear that you're not Tom's favorite sight right now.
Daria: I wonder
why...
Trent: I think
you beat him down, check and mate.
Daria: That
could be the reason. But I brought you Count Jesse, whom you needed ASAP.
Trent: Hello,
Jesse. Why are you so sad? I have wonderful news.
Jesse: If these
are the news I expect to hear, I don't want to hear them.
Trent: Whoa!
Someone must have misinformed you about my doings. I asked both Jane and her
father about the marriage and both agreed. Here she is!
DeMartino: I
give you my daughter, Count. The prince asked for her to be your wife, and I
agree with all good wishes I know. (Jane embraces
Jesse)
Jesse: Cool! I
mean, I feel so happy, I've never felt so happy before...
Daria: Cut the
romance crap, Jesse. And Jane, just kiss him before he keeps on talking like
that forever. (Jane kisses him briefly.
In the background, Kevin appears, looking around with a dumb grin.
Trent: (to Daria) Who is this strange man over
there, Lady Daria?
Daria: (looks over to Kevin) Oh, that jerk?
He's the chief of Uncle Anthony's Guard Company. Since his position was called
"Queen's Bailiff" in former times, he keeps telling everyone he's the
"QB". A real idiot. (looks over
to Jane and Jesse, who are still smooching and kissing) I hope my cousin
doesn't eat him before the wedding. It would be a real shame to ruin all the
preparations.
Trent: You seem
to take all this without any deeper feelings, mylady. (Jane comes over to them after unwrapping herself from Jesse)
Daria: Oh, it's
my fate that everyone but me finds a spouse. I'm used to it now.
Trent: I'm
going to get you a husband which deserves you, Lady Daria. Any wishes?
Daria: Your
father produced nice husbands, mylord. Do you have a brother who's like you?
Trent: (forgetting his role) Let me think...
no, Wind is married at the moment...
(back to his role) I don't think you'd like Don Charles... would you take
me, Lady Daria?
Daria: (blushes) Um...well, ehm... (Jane elbows her) Oh, I don't think I
could, mylord. You are too good for normal days, I'd need a second one for
everyday life. But please, don't be offended, mylord. As I said, it's my fate
to stay single.
Trent: (laughs) You're a special one, Daria.
One day you'll find a wonderful husband.
Daria: Sure I
will. But in the meanwhile, I've got more important things to do. Goodbye,
mylord! (she leaves)
DeMartino:
She's really a special woman, mylord. I hope that she'll find a man someday.
Trent: Well,
how about Sir Thomas?
DeMartino: They
would talk each other to madness even before the wedding. Surely you don't
intend that?
Trent: I'll
tell you what I'm intending. But tell me Jesse, when do you want to marry?
Jesse:
Tomorrow, mylord. I'd rather do it tonight, but the priest will be asleep by
now.
DeMartino:
We'll need at least three days to carry out all things needed for a wedding
worthy of the event we'll celebrate. Next Monday would be the earliest date.
Trent: And in
the meanwhile, we'll do a bit of matchmaking. I'm planning to make Tom and
Daria fall in love with each other. It's their destiny to do so; and since
neither of them has realized it by now, we'll make them realize it. But I'll
need all your help with this. What do you think?
DeMartino: I'll
do what you propose, mylord, regardless how hard it may be.
Jesse:
Likewise, my lord.
Tom: How about
you, Lady Jane?
Jane: I'll do
everything that's necessary to help Daria to a good husband, mylord.
Tom: Then it's
a deal! Before the week is over, we shall have these two chatterboxes wordless
from mutual love. (They leave)
Scene II
In Upchuck's room again. He is sitting there, talking
with Brad and Brett.
Brett: So it's
a fact; Count Jesse will marry the Lady Jane in less than a week.
Upchuck: Okay,
both of you, I want suggestions. Any way of preventing this marriage, defiling
Jane's or Jesse's image or the reputation of the prince will be welcome!
Brad: I may
have an idea, mylord. I told you how I seduced Tiffany, the chambermaid of Lady
Jane...
Brett: You
certainly told me. Several times, and each time you did, the story became
dirtier and your appetite stronger. Please stop it, I just had dinner.
Upchuck: Shut
up, Brett. How could that help us threaten the marriage?
Brad: Well,
she's almost the same height as Jane and has a similar haircut. If you'd see
her from behind in the night, you could hardly see a difference between them...
Upchuck: Okay,
so she resembles her. How can we use that?
Brad: Let's
imagine that she and I are making out at the window of Jane's room, watched by
you and others from below. What - and whom - would you think you see?
Upchuck: Now I
understand! If I show that scene to Jesse and the prince, they'll cancel the
wedding or even abandon her in front of the priest! Wonderful! I'll give you
1000 ducates if everything happens that way. Just tell me when I have to
appear.
Brad: I'll go
looking for Tiffany, mylord. Goodbye. (they
leave)
Scene III
In the garden. Tom is walking through an orchard.
Tom: (talking to himself) I wonder how a
female smile can turn a noble warrior like Jesse in a salivating fool. He used
to be an image of all good characteristics a man should embody; fighting,
riding, drinking, laughing were his greatest joys and a troop of hardened
knights and soldiers his favorite company. Now that he's been enchanted by Lady
Jane, his mind is occupied with sweet songs, daydreaming, poetry and other sweet
nonsense. I don't know if something or someone could ever transform me into
such a geek, but I can't imagine it. (draws
a deep breath) At least not a woman, as far as I know them. A woman may be
fair, that won't get me, another one is wise, no attraction, a third one may be
caring, but as long as there's no woman with all good graces available, I'll
stay single. (beat) She must be
rich..., that's for sure, fair..., or I won't look at her, intelligent..., of
course, a mild spirit, a true lady, a good cook..., oh well, if she's all that,
her fingernails may well be painted if she insists on that... (enter Trent, Jesse, DeMartino, Nick and
Max. Tom hides behind a bush) The prince and our dear Mister Fiancé! This
could get interesting!
Trent: Let's
sit down and hear some music!
Jesse: A
wonderful idea. Say, have you seen Thomas?
Trent: (spots Tom behind the bush) No, I
haven't seen him. But let's not talk about him now. Nicholas, Maximilian! Play
us a song! (They pull out a guitar and a
small drum and begin to sing/play "Love is a thousand times" by Roger
Hodgson. As they end,
Tom: Any kind
of animal uttering such noise would have been crucified long ago. Singing about
love and romance crap my foot! (Max and
Nick exit)
Trent: (squinting in Tom's direction to give his
friends a hint) But listen, Anthony. I just can't believe what you told me
this morning. You really heard your niece Daria plead her love to Sir Thomas? (Tom looks shocked) I've never imagined
that this lady could ever love any man! And of all men she chooses Thomas, whom
she outwardly despised!
DeMartino:
Well, my prince, I told you that my daughter told me that. The poor Daria is
much too shy to tell Thomas directly. But my daughter swears that it must be
true.
Tom: (behind the bush) Can it be true? Or are
they just pulling my leg?
DeMartino: Of
course I asked my daughter at once if Daria wasn't just mocking her on that.
Jesse: Well, I
have asked your daughter and I've seen Daria as she looked at Thomas. If she's
only acting this, then it's the best acting ever seen. The effects I've seen
are genuine.
DeMartino:
That's what my daughter told me. She saw the effects too.
Trent: But if
she's so desperately loving him, why doesn't she confess her love to him?
DeMartino:
There's nothing she'd rather do, but she fears to be rejected and mocked by
him.
Jesse: Jane
told me that she's sitting on her bed, asking herself: "Shall I tell him?
Tell him I love him after I met him with disdain and sarcasm so often?"
She's desperate. Jane says she gets up at night to write letters to him, only
to tear them up when they are finished. She just can't tell Thomas. If he'd
reject her, she'd be devastated. (quietly
to
Trent: So
there's no hope until Thomas knew it from someone else. Maybe we should tell
him about her affection to him.
Jesse: I'm
against it. He'd only start tormenting her because of her love. You know him.
Trent: It's
really a pity. Daria offers everything a man could ever hope for. She's perfect
in every way, except for her love to Thomas. I still think we should tell him.
DeMartino:
Please don't do this, mylord. He would make fun of her, and that'd be her end.
Trent: You're
right. Thomas is a noble warrior, a smart counselor and a worthy addition to
every group of honourable men. His only bad character trait is his hate for all
women. (stands up) Well, it's really
tragic. But I think that the dinner will be ready by now.
Jesse: (whispers) If he isn't persuaded now, then
I'm damned.
Trent: And the
fun isn't over yet. Anthony, would you ask Daria to call Thomas in for dinner?
Make sure that she passes the place where Jane and Jodie are sitting. (they exit)
Tom: (appears from behind the bush) It's hard
to believe, but it must be true. They heard it from Jane, and they say they
pity Daria for loving me. (pauses for a
second) Daria loves me! But why? They said that I would only make fun of
her if I knew; I'll show them they're wrong, because now I know it, and I won't
mock her because... I LOVE HER, TOO! They said that she offers everything a man
can hope for, and I know that it's true; she's rich, fair, intelligent, a mild
spirit, a true lady, a..., oh, her cooking skills aren't important for me! (beat) Of course they'll remember all
the things I said before about women, marriage and love. To hell with them!
When I said that I'd die without having married, I didn't know I would marry
before I die. (spots Daria appearing in
the background) But there comes Daria. She's beautiful! I see real love in
her face.
Daria: (looking rather annoyed) Sir Thomas!
Against my will, I was sent to call you to dinner.
Tom: I thank
you for that, dear Daria, and I hope it hasn't been too strenous for you.
Daria: If
calling you were strenous, I wouldn't have done it. If you're not hungry, then
stay here with your thoughts. (she exits)
Tom:
"Against my will, I was sent..." (pauses)
So she was afraid that I could see her love for me in her mimic? Now I know
she must love me. (he exits)
Act Three
Scene I
Another part of the garden. Jane, Jodie and Tiffany
are sitting on a bench.
Jane: Tiffany,
would you please go and get Daria? Tell her that you just overheard Jodie and
me speaking about her.
Tiffany:
Buut..., weren't we... like, supposed to go to dinner or stuff? (Daria appears in the background, slowly
walking towards them)
Jane: There she
comes. You can go to dinner, Tiffany, we'll follow later. And no, this won't
make you look fat! (Tiffany exits. Jane
turns to Jodie) If I wouldn't be partly guilty of her present state, I'd
strangle her sooner or later!
Jodie: Oh, come
on, Jane. How could you imagine she could mistake your yellow paint for orange
juice? You know she wasn't so bright before that.
Jane: (sighs) You're right. But now, let's
give Daria something to think about. (As
Daria appears on a way behind the bench, Jane gives Jodie a sign to begin)
Jodie: So Jane,
are you sure that Jesse and the prince are right, saying Thomas would love
Daria? Somehow I doubt that. (Daria hides
behind a nearby tree, looking shocked) Has he told Daria of his affection?
Jane: The
prince and my dear fiancé asked me if I could tell her that, but I persuaded
both not to do this ever, if they had any pity for Thomas.
Jodie: But why
not? Doesn't he deserve such a pleasant life as Daria can ever offer him?
Jane: He
deserves as much as any woman can ever offer him. His problem is that he fell
for Daria, whose heart can never feel real love, least of all for poor Thomas,
for whom she has nothing but old jokes and brutal snide. If she learned about
his love, she'd surely use it for her acerbic comments, leaving him desperate.
Jodie: So
there's no hope that Thomas will ever be happy again?
Jane: I fear he
won't. His heart chose the wrong woman to love. He could give her all she ever
could wish for, but she wouldn't recognize her luck. Therefore I'll tell Thomas
to keep his love forever hidden. (she
sighs again) It's tragical. He's a real gentleman.
Jodie: But if
someone else told Daria about Thomas' love? Don't you think she would see how
lucky she can be to have his love?
Jane: Forget
it! She knows about many things, but love's not among them. Anyone who told her
about that would get as much scorn as she could muster.
Jodie: So poor
Thomas will stay lonely. (beat) Tell
me, when will you be married, Jane?
Jane: Tomorrow,
and I count every second. Let us go to eat dinner now. (whispers) If that wasn't persuasive I don't know. She was all ears.
(they exit)
Daria: (steps out) Can this be right? Thomas...
loves me? And I... I do also love him, I know it now! He does indeed deserve
all the love I can give him... and I will give him all my love, as much as I
can. (she exits also)
Scene II
Trent and Jesse stand at a window in the hall.
DeMartino and Tom enter.
Trent: ...so
you'll stay here with your wife while I ride back to
Jesse: Do you
really think you'll be able to manage without me?
Trent: I will,
but I don't think Jane will. I still have Thomas to guard me. There he comes!
Tom enters, looking very thoughtful. The others
exchange short glances at his sight.
Tom: Dear sirs,
I feel different today.
DeMartino: I'll
certainly say so. But why are you different. Are you in love, Thomas?
Trent: (laughs) That'd be the day! You know
that Thomas is immune against love. He's sick, I say.
Tom: I am sad
and happy at the same time. I feel light, then I feel as heavy as a stone.
Whatever it is, I'd like to get rid of it.
Jesse: Are you
sure that you're not in love? You look like three days of melancholy. I'd say
that he's in love. (to
DeMartino: (makes an obvious "cut" motion) At
any rate, he should get cured. He's not himself!
Tom: I know
something which could improve my present state. (gestures to DeMartino) Dear Anthony, would you please take a walk
with me? I must talk to you, and I'd prefer it if these PLAYGROUND heros
wouldn't hear it. (they exit. Jesse and
Trent start to laugh)
Jesse: He's
really asking for Daria's hand now! I hope Jane and Jodie had the same effect
on poor Daria.
Trent: Jane
said that Daria looked completely convinced. We'll have a double marriage next
week, I think. (Upchuck enters) Good
morning, dear cousin.
Upchuck: Good
morning, my prince. And a good morning to you also, Count. I'd like to have a
word with both of you. Am I right that you'll marry tomorrow, Count?
Jesse: You know
I do, Charles.
Upchuck: I only
know that maybe you'll change your decision after you heard what I'll say. For
I'm afraid that your beloved Jane has already lost whatever qualities she had
to other men, before you came.
Jesse: (shocked) You mean that... she's already
had boyfriends?
Upchuck: Lots
of them. But I don't want to influence you. Please come with me to a place
where her window can be seen and you'll see for yourselves.
Trent: I don't
know if you're right, Charles. But if your words are true, the marriage can't
be made.
Jesse: I don't
know what to think. Let us go now. (they
exit)
Interludium
Scene III
At the front gate. The three J's, wearing some kind of
uniform, stand in front of the gate. They look very bored and unenthusiastic.
As Kevin enters the stage, they try to leap to attention but give a poor show.
Kevin: Hi
there! (remembers his role, gets serious)
Are you good and dependable men?
The J's: Yeah!
Kevin: And
d'you know the duties of a good guard?
Joey: Sure
thing. Guard the entrance, control every intruder and do not fall asleep.
Kevin: I'd have
thought it was tackling the receivers, but okay. And if someone doesn't want to
be controlled?
Jeffy: Easy.
Run after him and get him.
Kevin: And if
you know that he's some mean bastard?
Jamie: In that
case, he's bad news and we'll leave him alone.
Kevin: That's
the spirit! You shall be the corporal, Jules..., sorry, Jumbo... whatever.
Jamie: It's
Jamie, but thanks for your trust.
Kevin: But the
most important thing is to stay as quiet as possible. These high guys in
there'll have a marriage tomorrow, so they gonna need all the sleep they get
today. Tomorrow night, they'll be to busy to sleep... (snickers, then gets serious again) And if you need me, just call
for the QB! (he leaves)
Joey: This
sounds like the ideal job to me. Let's sit down under that tree to take a nap.
Jeffy: Yeah! I
don't think that guard guy will come back before morning.
They sit down in the shadows, being partially hidden
from view. Brett and Brad enter, talking happily.
Brett: Now
please tell me how you played a trick on the Prince and his followers. Do you
really think they fell for it?
Brad: Sure they
did. I told that Tiffany chick to wear the garment Jane wore when Count Jesse
saw her for the first time... (snickers)
..."to make it a special occasion".
Brett: Good
thinking. But what happened after that?
Brad: I made
out with her directly on the balcony of Jane's room, making sure that her face
could not be seen from the yard. Since I could overlook the yard between hot
kisses, (snickers again) I saw our
master with his cousin and Jesse. Damn, I acted so good, even Don Charles
looked terrified!
Jeffy: (whispers) That's treason and deception!
We should arrest those scoundrels!
Joey: (whispers back) You're right! But let's keep on listening.
Brad: Did you
hear anything...? Ah, never mind. However, the results of this masterpiece are
1000 ducates for me, satisfaction for Don Charles and some broken hearts for
Prince Trent's company. It's a pity I can't be eyewitness when Jesse faces his
bride at the wedding...
Jamie: Okay,
that's enough evidence. Let's get them. (the
three J's jump out of the shadow on Brett and Brad) You are hereby arrested
under the law of Don Anthony! Get them to the guard captain to interrogate
them. We'll see how you'll like a night in dungeon! (they drag the prisoners away)
Scene IV