Constraints: Follows 'Living Dead Girls 5: Twister Harvest'

Synopsis: Jane's mom prepares for the birth of her grandchild, and Daria tries to hit Upchuck's angels.

Living Dead Girls 6: Denial And Deniability.

Content: Some violence, some swearing, some sexual content.

Legal: Daria belongs to MTV, Angel/Buffy belongs to mutant enemy, Ultimate Force and The Bill belong to ITV.

-~-

Part 1

-~-

Daria continued through the forest listening out for the vampires she had chased into it.

They had been moving quite fast earlier, but the noise had died down, so she was now moving slow enough to avoid excessive noise.

She wasn't hearing any movement around her.

She had a stake in the hand under her weapon's forearm, that way, if it came to an ambush, she would be better prepared.

It wasn't an easy thing to decide. On the one hand, you want to eliminate as many vampires as possible, as each vampire loose will be tens to hundreds of people dead, some of which will be turned. But if you die in the process of attempting to kill them, your ability to kill any more is severely compromised.

She heard a noise off to her two o'clock vector. She listened for half a second, then ran after it, readying herself whenever she approached a tree like-

A hand shot out, she brought the gun around, using the time to confirm it was a vampire, which it was, she stabbed it immediately and spun around looking for more. She felt someone step on the back of her knee, definitely hostile, she discharged her USAS12 over her shoulder. She obviously wasn't close, because she felt an arm encircle her neck in a reverse headlock.

She tried to stab the vampire, but her hand was caught, and a knee strike to her back caused her to drop her gun.

"Hey Daria," said Sandi, as she looked back at Daria's face over her shoulder.

"Sandi, I don't recall anyone turning you," said Daria.

"Yeah, but you did get me killed, you stupid geek!"

Suddenly Sandi cried out and disintegrated.

Daria fell with the dust, and looked up at her savior.

"Thanks Illyria."

"No, thank you," she said, as she stepped over Daria, and drove her foot into her face.

-~-

Daria realized she had been dreaming as she woke up with a start.

She saw it was 05:38 on a Monday.

"No other way to start the day, for me anyway," she said as she turned off the clock (no point going back to sleep now, is there?) and headed off to the shower to clean up.

-~-

Quinn got downstairs and got out some carrot sticks to eat as Daria finished her own breakfast.

"Ready for school Quinn?" asked Daria.

"Uh-huh," said Quinn.

Quinn was dressed in forest DPM trousers and a brown tee-shirt.

This was a radical break from her usual mode of dress for the past three or four years.

"Look like you're ready for war."

"That's school for you, anyway, that's the look we're all going with," said Quinn.

Quinn then remembered and said "The look we're both going with," as she sat down, looking like she felt really stupid.

"Phantom best friend syndrome?" asked Daria.

"Not funny," said Quinn.

"Wasn't meant to be."

"We saw her die, I know full well she's dead, her fucking funeral is next weekend, why do I keep forgetting that?"

"Because she was such a close friend to you that you almost reflexively include her in your daily plans? I ended up doing something similar when Jane had to leave," said Daria.

"Except you knew Jane was alright."

"Actually, I hoped she was alright, I didn't know for two weeks."

"You think it would have been easier to know if she was dead?"

"No, but that was pretty bad, it was basically the state you were in when Kirsty started pouring that drain cleaner down Sandi's throat."

Quinn thought about it, and said "Okay, that was worse."

"You know what's worse?"

"I probably don't want to, but what?"

"Stacy Rowe, I know she's dead. When Illyria infected her, she died, probably painfully. Yet I can't seem to absorb that fact emotionally because Illyria looks like her."

"Yeah, Brie Stacy, with penicillin for that extra tangy flavour."

"Well ... yeah," said Daria, deciding not to correct Quinn on the identification of the cheeses.

They eventually got around to departing.

Until Daria opened the front door.

"Tom," exclaimed Daria.

Tom, looking startled, eventually lowered his hand from where it was about to knock the door.

"Hey Daria, I was hoping we could talk."

Daria nodded, and said "Sure, I'll just get Quinn off to school, and ... complete my shift ... How would tonight sound?" asked Daria.

"Good, ah, I'll pick a restaurant, and reserve a table."

"That ... ... I have no idea what might happen at work," said Daria.

"Okay, is there any chance of you getting any kind of leave?" asked Tom.

"Erm ... Look, I'll call you tonight if I can do anything. Otherwise, I'm sorry if I can't."

Tom looked frustrated for a time, then said "Fine," as he walked off.

"Could have gone better," said Daria as Tom left earshot.

"You really need to learn a thing or three about boys," said Quinn.

"So you keep saying, come on."

-~-

Kevin sat up and realized something.

"I gotta get to school."

"I wouldn't," said Barry.

"Why?" Asked Kevin.

Barry had met this guy last night, and was hoping he could help him.

He was looking for this Asian girl he had previously had sex with, he couldn't remember her name, but had reason to believe she had gone to a local school here.

Just about every kid he had sired had trouble helping him narrow it down.

"Because the sun's up," said Barry.

"How's that a problem?" asked Kevin.

-~-

Quinn met Tiffany outside the school, Tiffany was dressed in a winter forest DPM tracksuit.

"Quinn."

"Tiffany."

They walked into school, Quinn asked "have you been able to do any school work?"

"Yeah, wasn't much else to do while I was recovering and then hiding out."

"And I've been having trouble with my studies due to the nightmares from ... ... anyway, I guess we should get to class."

"Not so fast girls," said the principal from behind them.

Quinn and Tiffany stopped and looked at Angela.

"Your parents should have been made aware that we will be taking measures to enforce moral codes on things such as manner of dress and possession of satanic, blasphemous or obscene items from now on."

"What?" asked Quinn.

"When did this happen?" asked Tiffany.

"After a long debate following a series of cataclysmic, one might say, apocalyptic events, it was decided that God really is mad at us."

Quinn and Tiffany groaned in disbelief saying "Aww I don't believe this!"

"Well believe it, and you had better start showing some respect for authority, open your bags, now."

-~-

"Hey Daria," greeted Jane as they entered the building.

"Jane," acknowledged Daria.

"We're ready to do that spell seeing spell."

"Sweet," said Daria.

"Donald got on our asses over the fact we're using it to try to gather intelligence on my kid," said Jane.

"Did he accept that it could be useful for looking for Upchuck?" asked Daria.

"Yep. But, if he's not using magic for any of this, how can he accidentally hide from us?"

-~-

They were halfway through their session on the firing range.

The entire troop was starting to seriously develop their skills, Willow had them practicing using throwing stars.

Willow also had them using weights to increase the force they could put out, acceleration is force over mass, so more force equals faster acceleration.

They were starting to approach thirty newtons in strength.

That could accelerate a three gram throwing star to mach one in 37.3 milliseconds, or seven metres (Yeah, "Oi! You: Enemy, get further back so I can kill you with my thought accelerated projectiles.") and a knife weighing eighty gram would need almost a second, one eight five metres ("No, further back, not closer, what the fuck kind of enemy are you? Fuck's sake.").

She wanted to get that down to as short a distance as possible. The goal was mach one in half a metre, an acceleration of 139129m/s² would be needed. For the knife, that's around eleven kilonewtons, or just over a ton in Earth's surface gravity.

Okay, that was unrealistic, but any advantage you can get in a fight will improve your survival probability.

Of course, throwing stars only require four one seven newtons, around forty kilogram in Earth's surface gravity.

That was more realistic, and considering the increase in the number of projectiles a person can carry, this would do.

Willow watched the speedometers as the telekinesis launched projectiles shot downrange and the targets.

As soldiers, they were used to thinking about where their shots would go, correcting for badly set sights, that actually helped.

Willow looked at her watch, and shouted "CEASE FIIIIIIRRRRRRRE."

Everyone stopped.

Willow printed off the data she had been recording "Alright, I'm pleased to report that your accuracy has improved another 5%, and your velocity has increased 10%, but I would like you all to keep working," said Willow.

"Right, to eleven kilonewtons, no sweat," said Ed.

"Oh we'll get there," said Henno. He then continued "However, I would like to start using this in war games training, start getting everyone used to employing this new technique under battle conditions."

This caused a number of groans.

Willow chuckled and said "Fair enough, alright, dismissed, see you in half an hour," as she handed Henno a copy of the data and everyone started to leave.

Rebecca giving Willow a rather interesting look as she left.

'Nah, she wasn't ... was she?'

Willow spent the next half minute trying to work out if Rebecca was really picturing her naked as it had just seemed.

That would probably not be the best kind of relationship to get into, even if Willow was free. Rebecca had killed Kennedy, it would be inappropriate for Willow to- And besides, Rebecca should know not to come onto Willow, that would just be stupid.

Willow left the range to prepare her next class, the theme was still tactical spells since the point was to prove the Watcher's Council to be indispensable.

She got halfway down the corridor when she felt her panties ride up into her crack.

She put her hand in her pocket to try to correct the problem, but her efforts only seemed to cause the panties to saw against her clit.

Willow gasped and bent over, dropping her papers.

She was bent over picking them up when she noticed movement behind her.

It was Rebecca walking off in the opposite direction.

-~-

"Okay, we're ready to go," said Amanda.

"Right," said Daria.

"So we just sit in our circles and meditate?" asked Jane.

"Yep," said Daria as she sat down in her circle.

"All righty then," said Jane as she sat in her circle.

Illyria and Spike also sat in their circles.

They sat there, waiting for the spell to take effect.

-~-

Quinn and Tiffany met outside school dressed according to the school's new uniform code.

"Quinn."

"Tiffany."

"Take two."

"Action."

They looked a couple of Victorian hats away from looking like Quaker girls.

The boys hadn't been affected by the uniform code.

Quinn wondered how this would affect the cheerleaders.

"Probably a good thing Daria's graduated, I can't really picture her standing for any of this," said Quinn.

"Or Jane," said Tiffany, "I can't believe everyone's going along with this shit, dress code had nothing to do with any of this."

"Yeah, and it's not like this shit doesn't go on all the time around the world," said Quinn.

"'Cept for the nuke, sort of resembles the wrath of god, dunnit?"

"Stupid impressionable frightened villagers," said Quinn.

They entered class, and stopped.

"You're late," said their new science teacher.

Quinn glanced at the rest of the class, and after briefly establishing it was their class, she said "Sorry about that, where's Barch?"

"That feminazi quit when we instituted a more wholesome curriculum, I'm Jeffery Presley, and you two have detention for tardiness."

Quinn was about to protest this, but said "Fine," as she and Tiffany made their way to their seats.

"New curriculum?" whispered Tiffany.

"Bad feeling here," replied Quinn.

Soon as the two girls were seated, the teacher continued what he was saying: "Now, today's experiments will focus on how matter has been organized in a manner that cannot possibly be an accident. We will be growing crystals in order to demonstrate their orderliness, to dispel any concept of randomness in the way these things work."

Four loud snaps sounded and everyone looked at Tiffany.

"Sorry about that," she said, as she dropped the sixteen fragments of the pencil she had snapped into her pencil case and got a new one out, saying "please continue."

-~-

Daria's eyes suddenly opened, and she found her vision was altered.

"Trippy," she said.

"Aciiiiiiid," commented Jane.

Daria looked at Jane.

Daria stood up and looked around, everyone seemed to have the ghostly impression of blinkers (as is used historically to keep horses from looking off to the side) on their heads.

"Anyone else seeing blinkers on everyone's heads?" asked Daria.

"Yes," said Amanda.

"What does this mean? Some sort of memory augmentation?" asked Daria.

"Yeah, one form of anyway, I mean, the problem with this spell is that there isn't much that can indicate the type of spell used or whoever caused it, but this is serious. If our memories have been altered, we need to know the source of this," said Amanda.

"Okay, what about my kid?" asked Jane.

"Let's get a sonar on you before this spell wears off," said Amanda.

-~-

"I don't think I can take an entire day of this," said Tiffany as they left class.

"Don't really see a choice," said Quinn, also fuming, "I can't believe those FUCKING ASSHATS! ... Stupid fucking religious fanatical fucking shitheads!"

"I can't release any of this, not until I get home, I could demolish a couple of classrooms if I let it all out now!"

"What's next?" asked Tiffany.

"History," said Quinn.

"Well, I don't think there's anything prehistoric in our curriculum, so I can't see Dimartino walking out over any of this," said Tiffany.

-~-

"And so, when the two cities failed to heed the warnings, they were severely punished," continued their new history teacher, Ian Hackett.

Quinn looked worriedly at Tiffany as she held a pencil, staring straight ahead, obviously doing her best to ignore her persisting urge to break stuff.

"Can anyone tell me how Lot responded when the two angels visited? ... Tiffany?"

Tiffany didn't respond.

"TIFFANY!"

Tiffany looked up, her trance broken.

"Let me guess, you were fantasizing over some boy ... or even some girl ... Can you tell me, what Lot said to the angels when they turned up on his door?"

"He said, 'Sorry dudes, wrong city, Tokyo three's that way,'" pointing off in a random direction.

A number of students laughed at this, understanding the reference.

"I'm sure you think you're clever, but unless you can tell me what Lot said to the two angels that visited him, you're getting detention after school."

"Okay, he said, 'In the name of my lord and savior Brian, I cast thee out!'"

"RIGHT, DETENTION, TWO WEEKS."

"Fuck that," said Tiffany, rising from her desk, she then picked up her desk and used it to demolish the cabinets lining the side of the room, causing most the other students to recoil away in alarm.

She then approached the teacher's desk and started punching holes in it.

The cowering teacher looked at her with a less authoritive, more shit scared expression on his face.

"I think I'll drop out."

-~-

"Okay, we're now certain Upchuck's not using any active magics to disguise his location, then ... what? ... " asked Daria.

"What about wood?" asked Jane.

"Some mystical shape?" offered Spike.

"Perhaps Mr. Ruttheimer used a structural material that happens to be a mystical shield," suggested Illyria.

"Okay, we're finding guns made of diamond on the streets. We're reasonably certain Upchuck's using diamond for most his machinery, and the last times we tracked his agents, they went out to sea. Which makes sense if you're hiding from conventional forces ... He also wants to build structures on the sea floor quickly, so he doesn't want to be filtering plankton for their carbon, he wants something more concentrated. What is there?" asked Daria.

"Silica?" asked Jane.

"Brittle, takes ages to cool if you don't want it shattering," said Daria.

"Steel?" asked Spike, adding "Gotta be tons of the stuff from World War Two."

"Carbon Steel? A mixture of carbon and iron?" asked Illyria.

"Yeah, you'd need to process it though. Aside from the quality of the plate they used in those ships, there's over half a century of corrosion, but that would probably be the easiest way to build something," said Daria.

"What kind of process?" asked Illyria.

"Electrolysis I'd imagine, he'd also want to clean it up, he'd probably oxidize it to scrub the metal of contaminants, then electrolise it."

"That would remove all the carbon, producing ferrite!" said Amanda, suddenly realizing something.

"That's significant, is it?" asked Daria.

"Pure iron is a mystical barrier, if a person is surrounded by it, they will be invisible to locator spells," said Illyria.

"This means, of course, that he's got a shit load of oxygen that needs dumping," said Daria.

Jane, Spike and Amanda looked lost.

"Which will increase the activity of animal type plankton, creating an imbalance," explained Daria.

"Erm, I don't have any spells that will contour concentrations in the manner you're thinking of," said Amanda.

"That's not a problem, I'll get onto NASA. Meanwhile Amanda, I want our memories restored," said Daria as she left the room.

"You're welcome," muttered Amanda.

-~-

"What mass are we looking for?" asked Robodaria.

"Okay, well, Upchuck would probably be thinking ahead. The minimum, I think would be a dome five hundred metres wide, fifty metres high."

"Iron has a failure stress of three fifty megapascals, the dome would have to contain around thirty two point seven million cubic metres of air. Unless he wants to squash the height to around fifty metres, could fuse a torus with a dome, around ninety nine million cubic metres. That's approximately nine seventy one giganewtons of force to restrain, two seven seven four square metres. He's going to need a wall at least one point seven five nine eight metres thick, giving us at least eighty billion tons of iron. That's approximately thirty four point three seven eight billion tons of oxygen possibly."

"That should do something, right?" asked Daria.

"If he's stupid enough to simply dump the oxygen as he's producing it? Gonna look like someone dropped a supertanker load of sulphuric acid."

-~-

Willow sat at her table in the cafeteria, comparing tables and making notes.

She was also planning the war games as Henno had suggested.

She started to notice her breasts felt like they weren't that well positioned, like they were being ... twisted? Willow set about correcting the problem, trying to be subtle as she adjusted her bra through her clothes, when suddenly her left breast fell from its cup.

Willow's eyes bugged out as she looked around, wondering if anyone was watching her.

She had no choice but to stick a hand in through her shirt to put the fugitive gland back in its place.

It was at this point that she felt her clit being pinched as if by magic.

She gasped suddenly aware of everyone staring at her.

She blushed as she considered what it looked like she was doing, but she calmly restored her underwear, and looked at Rebecca, who was apparently not paying any attention to her.

Except for a smile she decided to send her way.

-~-

"Got it, seventy two degrees thirty two minutes west, thirty seven degrees twelve minutes north, big ass void of all life."

Daria nodded and said "Okay, I'd like to gather more information before doing anything, are there any others?"

"Not as far as I can tell," said Robodaria, she then said "it's actually creating a trail of destruction, Upchuck must be building an entire city."

"Do any ASW planes patrol that area?" asked Daria.

"Checking ... no."

"Magnetic anomaly detectors have been known to the public for ages now, I want a sub hunter to overfly the area. I also want enough ships in the area to pick up any movement, but they must have an excuse to be there, can you plan that?"

"Is Jerry Falwell a cunt?"

-~-

"You want two subs to sit near these co-ordinates, and you then want us to recall a large portion of our navy to the whole area gets covered," said Donald.

"I also want to get some British ships in the area for upgrades so that the north won't look as suspicious," said Robodaria.

"We should also discretely reduce the crew to a skeleton. This is seriously high risk, every contact with these people so far, we got our asses kicked," said Daria.

"We also have to assume that they are listening to all our satellite communications, someone's going to have to fly out to those ships and brief them as they move."

"We need to set up the submarine cluster so that they think we are not looking at the void."

"We'll dispatch the submarines on the ELF make a big ring centered well south of the co-ordinates, and I'll have someone sent to the ships with the mission details, do that before the recall so we don't spook the Borg," said Donald

"Alright then," said Daria.

"Looks like your people are finally doing something useful," said Donald.

"Aww shucks, it was nothing," said Daria.

"We'll get back to work now," said Robodaria.

-~-

"Hey Daria," said Jane as she and Spike met Daria and Robodaria in the corridor.

"Hey Jane, how'd it go with the spell search?"

"We got a location for the spell caster, we're going to go to LA to find the source. Amanda's made a compass, we're going to requisition a jet to fly over there so Amanda is ready for a fight," said Jane.

"Sweet. But, what memory spell?" asked Daria.

Jane let out a laugh, then said "we'll find out soon, I hope."

"Okay then, be lucky."

"You too," said Jane.

-~-

"What's up?" asked Gina as she and Willow ate.

Willow hesitantly said "I think either Rebecca, or someone who wants me to do something horrible to Rebecca, was using telekinesis to feel me up."

"Oh ... Okay, what you gonna do about it?"

"Gonna do a spell seeing spell to try to catch whoever's doing it in the act, then do something horrible to them."

"Can I help?"

Willow thought about it, and said "We'll see."

-~-

"Tom, you're taking Daria out tonight?"

"I'd better be, the restaurant doesn't refund on cancellation," said Tom as he considered which tie to wear with his suit.

"I thought you were allergic to suits AND fancy restaurants," said Angier, fascinated to see his son dressing in smart casual of his own volition.

"Yeah, but, I feel like a change of approach. Haven't been able to talk to her in like, eight months now, so I'm going to want to spend the night talking to her."

After a little thought, Angier suggested "Maybe a couple of gifts to win her heart?"

"Oh, yeah, I got her the complete works of H.G. Wells," said Tom.

"Books?" asked Angier.

"She's a bookworm," said Tom.

"Okay ... I went ahead and bought something for her," said Angier.

Tom turned to him looking skeptical about what his dad had for Daria.

Angier produced a velvet covered box and opened it, saying "Maybe she'd appreciate a piece of jewelry, even a bookworm has got to have some normal urges."

Tom looked at the emerald encrusted gold watch.

"Couldn't hurt. Thanks dad."

-~-

"Tiffany, whatever happened at school, surely you can't think it's an excuse for, well, smashing the place up like that, can you?" asked her dad.

Tiffany ran her fingers through her hair as she paced and said "I know, shouldn't have happened that way, should have just walked out and found something else to trash. ... You know those re-education camps certain countries are famous for? That's what it felt like, science teacher was ending each sentence with 'proving God's hand in the shaping of the universe'. And the history teacher was quizzing us on the fucking bible, I mean, I'm no brain, but isn't that what the First Amendment was supposed to ban?"

"It is, state can't take sides in matters of religious expression," said Daria. she then continued saying "I was hoping to get my mom's law firm on side to challenge it, but they were on the side of the evangelicals. ACLU got picketed for trying to get the laws repealed, there were even spells cast to make everyone think that all the local ACLU representatives were a pedophile ring. Got those undone, but guess who cast those spells?"

"Who?" asked Tiffany.

"Give you a hint, they're multidimensional and seem to have their fingers in every pie, crooked or otherwise."

"Aww, those rat motherfuckers," said Tiffany.

"Who?" asked Mr. Deckler.

Daria made a 'Shh' gesture and looked around the house saying "they're classified, more than the usual stuff."

"But, they're evil," said Tiffany.

"So's just about anyone who wanted to rule a fascistic regime," said Daria.

"We'd better get looking for an agnostic school, now that all the public schools are now officially Christian. Oh, eventually found the letter from school and from the PTA, haven't exactly been high functioning since that little APOCALYPSE we seemed to have had," said Mr. Deckler.

Daria glanced at her watch and said "I'd better get on, meeting Tom in half an hour, kind of owe him for disappearing off the face of the earth with barely a 'sorry, can't talk' I didn't get around to saying."

"Good luck with that," said Tiffany.

-~-

Tom showed up at the Morgendorffer house with the book he selected for Daria, the Watch his dad had selected for Daria, the flowers his mom had selected for Daria, the aftershave Elsie had selected for Daria (Which made him smell like a girl, this aroused him. He wondered belatedly if Elsie was having a laugh, and then wondered how he became so naïve as to trust Elsie not to hit him with a prank.)

This would be tense. He wanted to win her back, but a lot of the stuff he was bringing was so over the top he wondered if he would instead end up driving her off screaming 'Psychotic, girlfriend-strangling stalker'.

Of course the way her life had gone: Getting busted, getting sent down, then getting some shadowy government job, that probably wouldn't be as much of a concern for her.

He had also seen Jane on TV, helping Tiffany and some British guy rescue the Griffin family from a Ku Klux Klan cell.

Seeing Jane in all that gear, camouflage face paint, leaf cape, silenced MP5, a bow and quiver full of fucking arrows ...

He wanted to know what the fuck was happening to his two favorite girls.

He knocked on the door and waited.

Quinn answered the door and said "five minutes," before closing the door again and running back upstairs.

"No, that's fine, I'll wait outside," he said.

-~-

"Tom?" asked Daria.

"Yep, stay still," as Quinn returned to her position behind Daria, where she was working on Daria's makeup.

Since Daria and Quinn hadn't asked Tom what he'd be wearing, it was essential that Quinn configured Daria so her look would match as wider range of partner styles as possible.

Tom was dressed in a black suit, red shirt, and silver tie. Daria was already wearing a purple dress with black tights and black low heels, her hair was now in a pair of purple hairclips and a purple scrunchie, this would go with a grey jacket.

Quinn was just finishing up the mascara on Daria's eyes and after one last look, she said "Perfect."

"Okay."

"Better than that new outfit you seem to like, makes you look like a fucking spook."

"Quinn, I am a spook."

"Yeah, but even then you're not supposed to look like one," said Quinn.

"Okay," said Daria as she put her keys and wallet in one of her dress pockets, and her cell phone in the other. She then picked up the envelope she had brought home with her headed down.

-~-

Tom turned when he heard the door open and saw Daria and Quinn standing there.

"Why did you leave him out here?" asked Daria.

Quinn looked embarrassed.

"You've got a lot to learn about guys, Quinn," said Daria as she stepped out, asking "Your ride or mine?"

"Mine," said Tom.

He led Daria to his car, which was now looking extremely flash. Blue metallic paint, lifting doors, and from what Daria could see of the interior, it too was now looking flash.

"Parents got MTV to pimp my ride," explained Tom.

"Ah," said Daria.

-~-

Jane and Spike sat down next to Amanda in the plane and the pilot immediately proceeded to start the engines and request departure clearance.

"Gunn will meet us in Los Angeles, he'll help us raid the place," said Spike.

"Right, you've worked with him before, right?" asked Jane.

"Yeah, good man, aside from his involvement in the situation with Illyria," said Spike.

"How was he involved?"

"He signed a release paper to get her sarcophagus through customs in order to make the mental upgrade permanent, got addicted to being a skilled lawyer. It was lucky Winifred hadn't been infected, but he still felt pretty bad about it."

"Yeah, well, Stacy DID get infected, so he DOES have something to feel bad about. You said an upgrade, from what?"

"He used to head this gang that patrolled LA hunting vampires. Initially for self defence, but they then got genocidal, had a falling out with him and Angels crew. This was, of course, long before Angel's group took the management jobs at Wolfram And Hart LA. And ever since, he's been half and half vampire hunting and soliciting, mostly helping overturn wrongful convictions for capitol crimes or fighting censorship."

"Mild mannered lawyer by day, dark avenger by night," said Jane.

-~-

"A non-disclosure agreement? What do I need that for?"

They had just arrived at the restaurant and Daria had finally opened the envelope she had been carrying.

"Just in case you ask about work, and you probably will when I start explaining what's been going on with me over the past half year."

Tom looked at the document, then he shrugged and signed it.

Daria put it back in the envelope and Tom asked "So, how've you been?"

"Fighting the forces of evil, Joined an organization called the Watcher's Council, then that merged with the NSA and MI6 after that little war that happened shortly after Easter," said Daria.

"Watcher's Council ... What do you watch?"

"Girls," said Daria.

"Girls?" asked Tom, suddenly questioning Daria's sexuality in his mind, "is this what it so far sounds like?"

"No ... The girls are vampire slayers, mystically enhanced girls. It's a long story, but basically, these girls are employed as soldiers to fight mystical threats such as vampires. There's a whole load of developments about the Watcher's Council that doesn't make much sense, it used to be just one girl that was active at any one time, these powers, enhanced strength, combat macros, the ability to sense vampires. There was apparently no way to change this, or which of the potential slayers. Only certain girls can be enhanced in this manner, get activated."

"Okay, now, I know you've been practicing, but I can't quite tell: Are you joking?"

"No, straight up, check this:" Daria floated the candle in the middle of the table using telekinesis.

Tom waved his hand around the candle looking for wires.

He then looked under the table for signs of any kind of device that could be generating an alternating magnetic field to induce a current in the candle stand, but found nothing, he looked around the restaurant for any thing else that could indicate a technological means to pull this off.

Finally he asked "So, this isn't a wind up then, you're using actual, honest to god magic?"

"Yeah, took a while to develop this ability, but I'm able to precisely manipulate objects with my mind."

"Okay ... So, what caused you to disappear like that?"

"I was wanted for involvement in a conspiracy to steal police property, I had to establish a new alias before I could have my robot self escape."

"Your robot sel- ... When I visited you in prison, you're telling me that that wasn't you?"

"That's right."

"Okay, I notice you're using your own name and walking around like a free citizen now, what happened there?"

"The organization I work for struck a deal with the US and UK governments to keep ourselves out of jail, we're working for them."

"Doing what?"

"What we were doing anyway, except we also have to do what they want too. In the UK, that seems to be simply training UK forces to use magic. Over here, we have to investigate stuff with any mystical angle."

"Okay," said Tom, trying to absorb all this new information, and also weighing what he's seen and heard from Daria with what he used to perceive as reality.

-~-

"Jane," whispered Spike.

"Yes?" whispered Jane.

"Ever done it in an airplane toilet?" asked Spike.

"Never felt the urge to, but considering the size of the jet, it would be a touch obvious, don't you think?"

"Hmm."

Eventually spike said "Alright, I got nothing."

"What you gonna do, get her pregnant? I honestly don't care," said Amanda.

The two vampires looked at the witch, then they got up and went to the aircraft's bog for a bonk.

-~-

"Well, that's about it," said Daria, rounding off the explanation.

"Wow ... ... I thought it was drugs that made you run off like that," said Tom.

"Do I look like a stoner?" asked Daria.

"More like a Tweaker," said Tom.

"Cute."

"Erm ... got some presents for you," said Tom, lacking anything else to say.

"Presents are good," said Daria.

"I got you the complete works of H.G. Wells," he said, as he lifted the parcel he had been carrying onto the table.

Daria almost smiled as she said "Excellent."

"A jewel encrusted watch," said Tom, as he handed her the smaller parcel.

Daria opened it and looked at it, saying "Keep talking."

Tom chuckled, and said "And ... A load of flowers," he produced the bundle, saying "seemed like a bad idea to wrap these up."

"Thank you," said Daria, as she accepted the flowers, she then said "So, how have you been? Still going to Bromwell?" using a stereotypical posh accent in pronouncing Bromwell.

"They don't really talk like that there ... I hope."

-~-

Jane and Spike emerged from the cubicle adjusting their clothes.

"Why did I think that would be more fun?" asked Jane.

"All the hype about the bleeding mile high club," said Spike.

"We'd have to be pre-teen to do that," said Jane.

"Are we there yet?" asked Spike.

"No, besides, sun's still up over there," said Amanda.

"Hmm, why does this world have to be round again?" asked Jane.

"Stupid gravity," commented Spike.

-~-

"So, ever been on patrol?" asked Chao Ahn.

"We're not really the patrol type," said Rebecca, as she accompanied Chao on their route to their sector.

"How was it when you learned you were a Slayer?"

" ... Strange ... Apparently me being a potential explains why I joined the army and progressed to the SAS."

"No sudden relocation into a strange land by someone who couldn't speak your language who spoke a language you couldn't understand, that kept giving you ice cream even though you had made it clear that you were lactose intolerant?"

Rebecca looked at Chao strangely and finally asked "Wha?"

"Never mind," said Chao.

"I take it from you accent you're not from around here?" asked Rebecca.

"China, just moved to shanghai when Giles showed up talking about the bringers and the First Evil and the watcher's council in broken Cantonese, getting most of it wrong. It got so creepy that I was desperately trying to figure out how to get away from him long enough to call the cops."

Rebecca chuckled, saying "My first impression of him was that he was a terrorist, and was desperately trying to figure out a way to kill him."

Chao looked at her darkly.

"That sounded much less disrespectful in my head," commented Rebecca.

"That's still not funny, I came to respect the man, even grew to like him," said Chao.

"I know, I'm sorry, didn't mean to-" suddenly she stopped with her fist raised, looking at a couple of people at the locked gates of the cemetery they were walking near.

They were around a gentle bend from them, so the people at the gate were unable to see them, whereas Rebecca and Chao could see their asses.

After they heard a loud bang, they heard a chain clatter on the ground, and saw them enter the cemetery. Rebecca waved Chao down as she and Chao dropped to one knee to reduce their profile over the tombstones.

Rebecca used her hands to illustrate the formation she wanted them to take around the people, then waved Chao towards the gate. She then raised herself enough to see where the intruders were facing, before dropping again and jumping over the spiked bar fence and landing on all fours on the other side, she then silently moved between the tombstones.

Chao proceeded as she guessed Rebecca wanted her to.

The two slayers were packing bows and arrows, carrying them in standard rifle bags, when Chao was in formation, Rebecca held her bag up to signal Chao to pull her bow and string it.

Rebecca pulled her bow from her bag and pulled at the pulley that would pull the string through the end of the bow until it latched, as the awkward force vector would defeat a slayer.

She then slung her quiver over her shoulder and glanced at Chao, who was showing the tip of her bow over the headstones signaling she was ready.

Rebecca nodded and waved her forwards, they tracked the intruders.

They saw the intruders looking around, but not closely enough to see the slayers.

The intruders grinned, and started ... spraying?

Four people appeared around them, and the two intruders stopped what they were doing.

"What'ya doing?" asked one of the new individuals.

"Looks like we got a pair of Nazis here," said another.

"Hmm, hang on: Two Nazis, four undead kikes: I make that, transfusion O'clock, don't you?" said another, paraphrasing the adverts for Pimm's.

They then vamped out and grabbed the two Nazis, Rebecca pumped her fist a couple of times before popping up as she knocked an arrow, drew while picking a vampire, and firing.

Chao shot at about the same time as Rebecca had, the remaining two paused in their activity as they tried to locate the people that had caused their mates to turn to dust, that was the length of time it took for Rebecca and Chao to reload and fire.

The two intruders the Vampires had identified as Nazis stood there looking between the two slayers, they then settled on a course of action: Cheese it!

"OI! POLICE! STOP!"

The two slayers located two police constables tracking outside the fence to the gate, trying to intercept the Nazis.

Rebecca slung her bow along with her bag and made a grasping gesture at the Nazis, Chao nodded, and they each pursued a Nazi.

"Here you go," said Rebecca as she shoved the Nazi into the arms of the cop that had been after the one she caught.

"Thanks," said the cop.

"GET OFF ME CHINK-AAAOOOWWW!"

Rebecca looked amused at the one Chao had apprehended.

"YOU MIGHT WANT TO BE A LITTLE MORE POLITE TO MY CO-WORKER THERE, YOU'LL FIND YOU'LL LIVE LONGER FOR IT," shouted Rebecca.

"Right, now, if I may ask, what are you two doing here?" asked the cop.

"I can't discuss this, I'm Rebecca Gallagher, my co-worker is Chao Ahn, run a name check."

The cop finished cuffing the Nazi and grabbed his radio, saying "Sierra Oscar from 171, receiving, over?"

"One seven one from Sierra Oscar, go ahead, over."

"Yeah, can I have a name check please? Rebecca Gallagher and Chao Ahn, spelt ... " he looked to Rebecca, directing the Mic at her.

"Charlie Hotel Alpha Oscar, Alpha Hotel November," said Rebecca.

"Over," finished the cop.

A few seconds later, the controller said "One Seven One from Sierra Oscar, the names Rebecca Gallagher and Chao Ahn are blocked, over."

"Received, out." He then took the Nazi and said "Come on, you're nicked."

-~-

Tom and Daria arrived back at the Morgendorffer residence.

"So, I suppose you got work tomorrow," said Tom.

"Yeah, but why don't you come in?" asked Daria.