HIS SISTER'S KEEPER By M Man (This episode, obviously, takes place shortly after "Dye! Dye! My Darling!) OPENING THEME La la la la la This is my stop Got to get off I may go pop Excuse me! Excuse me! I've got to be direct You're standing on my neck You're standing on my neck Daria in "His Sister's Keeper" SEGMENT 1 OF "HIS SISTER'S KEEPER" (Outside shot of Lane residence at night. Only one light is on, downstairs. Then, Overhead shot of Jane in bed - asleep, but grimacing, tossing, turning, and talking to herself but too softly for us to hear. We hear what's going through her mind; dialogue from "Dye! Dye! My Darling!", echoing ) Daria: I kissed your boyfriend. I kissed Tom. Jane: How could you!? How COULD you!? Daria: I kissed your boyfriend. I kissed your boyfriend. Jane: How could you? How could you? How could you? (Jane awakens, eyes wide, as if trying to remember where she is. Then she puts her hands to her face and starts sobbing softly. SCENE shifts to Lane kitchen. Trent is sitting at the table, drinking from a mug. He hears Jane sobbing and looks up at the ceiling where Jane's room is overhead. He looks somber and pensive. Then, back to Jane's room. Jane is still sobbing, but now we can hear her speaking, softly though her sobs.) Jane: How could she? How could she? (SCENE - Jane is now sleeping soundly. Throught a window, we can see daylight outside. In comes Trent. He walks to Jane's closet and pulls out her running shoes.) Trent: Janey! Wake up! Jane: (groggy) Huh? Trent? Trent: Time to get up! Jane: What time is it? Trent: Early. Jane: (looks at her bedside clock) Eight-thirty? What are you doing up so early? Trent: (tosses the running shoes to Jane) Come on, Jane. You can't just stay in bed all day. Like you did yesterday. (SCENE - Jane running down a residential street in Lawndale. Trent is in his car, keeping pace and talking with her.) Jane: Thanks, Trent. Getting out and running really does help. Trent: I knew it would. You always go running when something's bothering you. (Silence for a few seconds) Do you want to talk about it? Jane: No. Trent. OK, then. (Silence for a few seconds) Jane: I was just thinking about Daria ... Trent: ... and ... Jane: ... about the first time I met Daria .... (FLASHBACK scene from "Esteemsters") Daria - I want to know what "realizing your actuality" means. Mr. O'Neill: It means... look. Just let me get through this part, okay? Then there'll be a video. Jane: He doesn't know what it means. He's got the speech memorized. Just enjoy the nice man's soothing voice. Daria: How am I supposed to follow him if I don't now what he's talking about? Jane: I can fill you in later. I've taken this course six times. (walking home) Daria: I don't get it, Jane. You've got the entire course memorized. How come you can't pass the test to get out? Jane: I could pass the test, but I like having low self-esteem. It makes me feel special. (END OF FLASHBACK. Return to SCENE Jane running, Trent keeping pace in car) Jane: (bitterly) Well, Trent, I think I have low self-esteem again. But I don't feel very special. Trent: Janey, I know it'll take some time, but everything's gonna work out. Jane: Yeah. I hope so (she doesn't sound convinced). (Silence for a few seconds.) Trent: Want to talk some more? Jane: No. Trent: OK. (Silence for a few seconds) Jane: Tom .... Trent: What about Tom? Jane: I was thinking about Tom. Trent: About Tom ... Jane: Remember when I first met Tom .... ? Trent: Yeah. At the "Zen". Jane: ... at the "Zen". When I first met Tom ... (FLASHBACK to "Jane's Addition") Tom: Hey! Jane: Yo! Tom: Good band. Jane: Yeah. The singer's my brother. Tom. Really? Are you a singer, too? Jane: Oh yeah! Listen to this: (off-key) Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O! Tom: That's really awful. Jane: You're an honest one, eh? Actually I'm an artist. Tom: Wow, *that's* cool! Jane: But I like to sing in my spare time. (off-key) Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I ... Tom: (interrupting) Mmm, very nice. Do you like convertibles? Jane: Sofas? Tom: Cars. Jane: Why? You got one? Tom: Um, no. But the roof of my car is rusting through. Jane: Almost the same thing. Tom: I think the sad decay of it all might appeal to your artistic sensibility. Want to check it out, maybe get some food? (END OF FLASHBACK. Return to SCENE Jane running and Trent driving). Jane: (softly singing) Old MacDonald had a farm .... Trent: Janey, are you OK? Jane: No. Not really. Just let me run for a while. Trent: OK. (Long shot of Jane running, Trent following in his car.) (SCENE - Nightime again. Jane in bed, tossing and turning. She hears Daria's voice from "Dye! Dye! My Darling!") Daria: Can you imagine me making out with anyone, ever? Can you imagine me making out with anyone, ever? (Jane wakes up, wide-eyed, and starts to cry. Again she hears Daria's voice from DDMD.) Daria: Are we still friends? Are we still friends? Are we still friends? Are we? Are we? Are we? (fade out) END OF SEGMENT 1 OF "HIS SISTER'S KEEPER" CUT TO COMMERCIAL BREAK WITH SCENE OF TRENT TOSSING RUNNING SHOES TO JANE. (Commercial.) Tiffany: Smallll pocket mirrorrr, fiiive dollarrrs. (scene of Tiffany looking into pocket mirror in IIFY during tutoring.) Tiffany: Large makeup mirrorrr, one hundred dollarsss. (Tiffany looking into large mirror.) Tiffany: Ganging up on Sandi: Priceless. (Scene of Tiffany, Quinn and Stacy paintballing Sandi in "The Daria Hunter") Tiffany: There are some things money can't buyyyy. For everything else, there's MasterCarrrd. Do *I* look good in a MasterCard commercialll? (End of Commercial) SEGMENT 2 OF "HIS SISTER'S KEEPER" (SCENE - Jane tossing and turning in bed again. Still night. Jane's asleep, but hearing voices. Dialogue from DDMD) Tom: You're, like, from a cooler world. Jane: I am, aren't I? Too bad you're such a dork. Tom: I know. (echoing) Too bad you're such a dork. Too bad you're such a dork. Too bad you're such a dork. (fade out) (Daylight. Living room of Lane residence. Jane is in running shorts and t-shirt. She turns on the television. The Sick Sad World theme. Pictured are an Amish boy and girl sitting at a restaurant table. A waiter hands the boy a bill. The boy passes the bill over to the girl.) SSW Announcer: Are Amish boys making their girlfriends split the check? Pennsylvania-going-Dutch, next on Sick Sad World! (Trent walks into the living room. He looks tired, like he hasn't had enough sleep. Jane turns the TV off.) Jane: You're late. Trent: Or early. Jane: Whatever. (they walk out the door together) (SCENE of Jane running and Trent in the car as before.) Trent: Do you want to talk about it? Jane: No. (pause) Yeah. I do. Trent, what did you think of Tom? Trent: Nice guy. Jane: No. Really. Trent: I never thought he was really right for you. Jane: Why? Trent: You know. Jane: No, I don't know. Why? Trent: You two fought too much. Jane: We did? Trent: Yeah .... (FLASHBACK to "Mart of Darkness") Trent: Hey, Tom. Tom: Hey, Trent. Is Jane around? Trent: You just missed her. She and Daria went to Pay-Day. Tom: What-Day? Trent: You know. That warehouse store that just opened. Hey, that was a pretty good fight you had last night. Tom: Yeah. Sorry we woke you. Do you know where this store is? I figure we should talk. (END OF FLASHBACK) Jane: (a but peeved) So we fought a lot. Unlike you and Monique? Trent: Touch‚. Jane: Sorry. Trent: It's OK. (Jane laughs bitterly) Trent: What? Jane: I was just thinking about how much Daria hated Tom when she first met him... Trent: She did? Jane: Yeah. She really let him have it a couple times ... (Flashback to "Jane's Addition". Jane and Daria seated at table in pizza shop. Tom standing next to the table) Tom: Hey! Jane: Hey! Daria: What are *you* doing here? Tom: Those really good friends of mine? They totally blew me off. I figured you guys might be here. Jane: Well, pull up a bench, we'll order another pie. Tom: Naw, I'll just get a slice. I'm only gonna stay a minute. Daria: Wanna borrow my stopwatch? Tom: Hey, Daria! If you want me to leave, just say so! Daria: OK. Bye, now! Jane: Hey! C'mon, Daria! Daria: I thought we were gonna see a movie. Tom: What movie? Daria: It's called 'The Big Chick Movie that Appeals Only to Girls and Makes Men and Boys Vomit'. Tom: Hey, Daria, did I say I wanted to go to the movie with you? Daria: No, but you never mentioned wanting to horn in on our pizza time either. Tom: Daria, you're so darn pleasant and friendly, I don't see how anyone *could* resist an evening with you. But, just on a crazy whim, I think I'll go home and watch TV by myself! (Tom leaves) Jane: Hey! C'mon! Tom?! (END OF FLASHBACK) (Kitchen at Lane residence. Jane and Trent come back after Jane's running) Jane: Thanks, Trent. It means a lot that you're here for me. Trent: Glad I can be. Jane: I'm tired. I'm going on up to bed. Trent: Isn't it a little early? Jane: Or late? Trent: (smiling) Whatever. Good night. Jane: 'night. (Jane goes upstairs. Trent sits at the table, puts his head down on the table and almost immediately is sleeping.) (SCENE - Jane in bed, tossing and turning. She's asleep, hearing voices. Dialogue from DDMD) Tom: We should have just broken up, and I never should have dragged Daria into it. Jane: What do you mean, we should have just broken up? Tom: C'mon. We weren't going anywhere. We were about to break up. Jane: Yeah. (echoing voices) Jane: What do you mean, we should have just broken up? Tom: C'mon. We weren't going anywhere. We were about to break up. Jane: What do you mean? Tom: We were about to break up. We were about to break up. We were about to break up. (fades out as Jane tosses and turns more vigorously) END OF SEGMENT 2 OF "HIS SISTER'S KEEPER" CUT TO COMMERICAL BREAK WITH SHOT OF JANE RUNNING AND TRENT DRIVING. (Commercial) Arno (the balloonist in "Of Human Bonding"): Short ride in hot-air balloon wis world-cless balloonist - Feefty dollars. Longer ride in hot-air balloon wis world-cless balloonist - Two hundret dollars. (scene from "Of Human Bonding" - Arno walking away from Terry Barry Barlow.) Arno: Decidink to never again be a hoppy thing, priceless! There are some things money can't buy, for everysink else der iss MasterCart. Acceptet in Denmark, and ozzer fine balloonink nations! (End of commercial) SEGMENT 3 OF "HIS SISTER'S KEEPER" (Jane in bed, tossing and turning vigourly. Hearing voices) Daria: Are we still friends? Are we? Jane: Too bad you're such a dork! Tom: We were't going anywhere. We were about to break up. Daria: I kissed your boyfriend. I kissed Tom. Jane: How could you? How could you? Daria: Are we still friends? Are we? Tom: We were about to break up. Daria: I kissed your boyfriend. Jane: How could you? How could you? Daria: Are we still friends? Are we? Are we? Are we? (Jane wakes up and starts crying) (SCENE - Trent's bedroom. Jane is wearing her running gear, standing by Trent's bed. Trent's asleep.) Jane: Wake up! Trent: Huh???? Jane: Trent! Wake up! Trent: (groggy) What time is it? Jane: I wanna talk. Get up. (SCENE - Jane running, Trent in the car as before.) Trent: I guess you wanna talk about it. Jane: Yeah. Trent: OK. What about? Jane: Can you believe I *wanted* Tom and Daria to like each other? Trent: What's wrong with that? Jane: What's wrong with THAT? Trent: You know what I mean. Jane: Yeah, I know what you mean ... (Flashback to "Fire!". Penny's bedroom.) Tom: Personally, I always had a soft spot for Stalin. Any dictator who changes his name from Dzhugashvili to "Man of Steel" has my vote. So to speak. Daria: Come on. You and I both know he only did it so his name would fit on his luggage tags. (Tom and Daria both laugh. Jane listens at the door, frowning, then enters.) Jane: There you are! I was just about to call your house to see where you were. Tom: Because I'm ten minutes late? Jane: (clears throat loudly) Tom: (look at his watch) Wow! Seven o'clock? Sorry, guess I lost track of the time. Jane: What was so fascinating? Daria: We were talking about The Prince's influence on Lenin, Trotsky, and Ms. Li. Jane: Sorry I asked. Tom (to Daria): Hey, did you know Stalin had Trotsky killed with an ice-pick to the skull? Daria: Good thing they didn't put *him* in a glass coffin. (Tom and Daria both laugh) (END OF FLASHBACK) (Return to SCENE Jane running, Trent in car) Jane: Yeah. Who wouldn't want her boyfriend and best friend to get along? Why not? Who wouldn't? Seems natural enough. Dammit, Trent! I didn't even see this coming! Trent: You didn't? Jane: Well, I guess I did. Sort of. Did you? Trent: Yeah. Jane: You did? Trent: Yeah. Sort of .... (Flashback to "Fire!" Penny's bedroom. Daria is sitting on the bed, reading "Anna Karenina". Trent knocks at the door.) Daria: Come in! Trent: Hey, Daria, have you seen Janey? I think one of us was supposed to give the other one a ride somewhere. Daria: She's probably at Tom's, avoiding me. Tom: Oh. Or making sure Tom does. Daria: Oh, no. Not you, too. Look, Trent. There's nothing going on between me and Tom. Trent: If you say so. Daria: What!? Trent: C'mon, Daria. I'm a musician. I'm very sensitive to changes in mood. Daria: Then your senses must be going into overdrive about now! Trent: Hey! I've seen you together. Guys can always tell when other guys are "into" someone. You know. Ephthereal transference. Daria: Trent, even if what you just said made sense, I think I would know if Tom were "into" me. And he's *not*! Trent: OK. I should go. (starts to leave.) Daria: I'm sorry, Trent. It's just that I don't exactly know what's going on. Trent: Well, whatever it is, no-one said you meant for it to happen. Daria: Yeah. OK. Thanks. Trent: But there's no use playing dumb. Right? (END OF FLASHBACK.) (Back to Jane running, Trent driving. Trent has a faraway look on his face. He's hearing echoes of his own voice.) Trent's echo: No-one said you meant for it to happen. No-one said you meant for it to happen. No-one said you meant for it to happen. Jane: Trent? Are you OK? Trent: (back into focus). Yeah. I'm OK. Jane: I wish I knew what to do next. Trent: Do you still talk to Daria? Jane: Just in school. "Hello", "Hi". Actually, I'm barely civil to her. Trent: I think she understands. Jane: Yeah. I wish this had all never happened. That I'd never met Tom ... Trent: ... or Daria? Jane: (pauses) Maybe. (longer pause) Dammit, Trent! I *never* would have done this to *her*! (Silence for several seconds) Jane: What do you mean, "hmmm"? Trent: I didn't say "hmmm". Jane: Yes, you did. (pause) Hmmm? Trent: Hmmm. (SCENE - Jane in bed, tossing and turning. Hearing voices.) Daria: I kissed your boyfriend. I kissed Tom. Trent: No-one ever said you meant for it to happen. Daria: I kissed your boyfriend. Jane: How could you? How could you? Daria: I kissed your boyfriend. Jane: Dammit, Trent! I *never* would have done this to *her*! Daria: I kissed your boyfriend. Trent: But there's no use playing dumb. Right? Jane: Dammit, Trent! I *never* would have done this to *her*! (echoing, louder and louder) I *never* would have done this to her! I *never* would have done this to her! I *never* would have done this to her! I *never* would have done this to her! (Flashback to "Dye! Dye! My Darling!", but with a major difference. Jane is dreaming, picturing herself in Daria's place. Tom's car is parked in front of Jane's house, not Daria's. And he's talking to Jane, not Daria, standing on the sidewalk. Tom is inside the car.) Tom: Why don't you get in the car? Jane: Did you want to talk about Daria? Tom: Nope. Jane: Oh. Then, what? Tom: About our situation. Jane: I don't know what you mean! We have no situation! Leave me alone, I gotta go. Tom: Wait! Why is everyone so mad at me? Jane: Why? Why? Because I've lived in this town all my life, and I've always been a total outcast. And in the one moment of good luck I've had in my entire life, I met another outcast who I could really be friends with and not have to feel completely alone. And then you came along and screwed the whole thing up! Tom: All I did was meet a girl I thought was cool, and I went out with her for a while. We started to get bored with each other. It happens all the time. It's nobody's fault. Jane: Oh, yeah? Would you still be bored with her if *I* weren't around? Tom: Probably. And, more to the point, she'd be bored with me. It's got nothing to do with *you*. Jane: Good! Because I'm not interested in you, and I'd be stabbing my friend in the back if I even considered it! Tom: Exactly. And what kind of jerk would that make me? Jane: Exactly! Tom: Alright then! Jane: OK! (Tom starts to lean over to kiss Jane .... Jane wakes up suddenly, in her own bed, eyes wide, breathing rapidly. She continues doing this for several seconds. Then she starts to cry softly. After a few seconds, she stops crying, and sits with her eyes still wide, still breathing heavily, but more slowly than before.) (SCENE - moments later. Kitchen in Lane residence. Trent is sitting at the table, drinking from a mug. Jane enters.) Jane: Trent, I ... (falters for words) Trent: Are you OK, Janey? Jane: Yeah. I'm OK. I don't know what I would have done. Trent: What? Jane: If I'd been in Daria's position. If the situation were reversed. I don't know, Trent! I honestly don't know what I would have done! Trent: Janey, it's ... Jane: I know, Trent. It's going to be OK. Trent: That's right. Jane: It's going to be OK: Me, Daria, Tom. I need more time, but it's going to be OK. Trent: I always knew it would be. (Trent gets up and stands directly in front of Jane). Jane: (crying) Oh, Trent, what would I have done without you? Trent (hugging Jane): I love ya, Janey. Jane (hugging Trent back and crying): I love you so much, Trent! (They continue to hug. Trent pats Jane's back. Fade out) END OF SEGMENT 3 - END OF FANFIC Alter-Egos: all show Jane or Trent. Closing Theme - "Little Sister" by Mystik Spiral, from the soundtrack of "Pierce Me" Trent: (singing) Little sister, little sister, You came into my life like a twister. What can I get you that you haven't taken? What can I get you that hasn't been killed by corruption and greed? What can I get you that isn't tie-dyed Or like what you already have Or plastic or not alive or so sad? Trent and Jesse: (singing) Does anybody know, does anybody know why we're here? Does anybody know, does anybody know why we're here? Does anybody know, does anybody know why we're here? (repeat and fade out) ***** NOTES Not much to note in this one. The title comes from a phrase in the biblical book of Genesis: "Am I my brother's keeper?" The punchline of the SSW segment was a combination of the phrases "Pennsylvania Dutch" (a Pennsylvania term for Amish people, though they're more accurately desribed as "German") and the expression "going Dutch". ***** Please e-mail your reactions to this fanfic. As always, fan-artists are strongly encouraged to draw pictures based on this fanfic.