description: A new student comes to town and befriends Daria and Jane. But does Jane want to try to play yenta?
[Cut to: Mr. O'Neill's room, Daria and Jane in their usual seats]
[A spitball hits Mr. O'Neill as he walks into the room]
Mr. O'Neill: Oh Dear. Class? Class?! (Everyone shuts up) I'm glad that's settled
Mr. O'Neill: Now class I'm pleased to announce the arrival of a new student
[The entire class starts talking at once]
Jane: Will they spare no prisoners?
Daria: Not unless Ms. Li got a grant for it.
Brittany: If it's a girl maybe she can join the cheerleading squad!
Kevin: Or the football team!
Jodie: Hmm, yearbook. or maybe the debate team- or maybe thea-v or maybe
[Suddenly the class quiets down, We can't see who is in the doorway yet]
Mr. O'Neill: Well I see she's here already. Class I would like you to welcome
our new student, Lilian Johnson!
[No one says a word]
Daria: (deadpan expression) Cricket, Cricket
[We now get our first view of "Lilian", She's a little taller than Jane, greenish eyes, Shoulder length black and lime green streaked hair, a knee length leather black skirt complete with various zippers indifferent directions, a leather jacket over a black tee that has a guitar with wings coming out of it, eyebrow, tongue and nose piercing and about 6 ear piercings.]
Lilian: (deadpan expression) It's Lysette.
Mr. O'Neill: Oh dear.
Lysette: (deadpan expression) Mr. O'Neill I just heard that there are thousands of cats stuck in trees quick go save them.
Mr. O'Neill (runs out of the room screaming for a fireman)
Lysette: Easier than I thought.
(She sits at a desk behind Jane)
(Daria and Jane smirk at each other)
[Cut to: hallway, End of the day, where we see Lysette banging a locker, and magically it opens]
Lysette: (obviously startled) um. Do you want a medal or a cookie?
Daria: (deadpan expression) Chocolate chip or Oatmeal raisin?
Jane: I'm Jane Lane and this is my partner in crime Daria Morgendorker
Lysette: I'm Lysette and if you don't mind I have a meeting of the locker beaters in an hour. So please hurry it up.
Jane: (smirking) Have you ever seen Sick Sad World?
Lysette: Who hasn't?
Daria: Do you want to watch it with us after school?(Suddenly surprised at her friendliness)
Lysette: I got to unpack first.
Jane: Where do you live?
[Cut to: a house that looks average]
Lysette: (yelling at a moving man) Watch the amp!
Jane: What do you play?
(A sudden smirk appears on Jane's face, and Daria gets a worried look on hers)
Mrs. Johnson: Honey! Look you made new friends!
(Mrs. Johnson looks like the cartoon version of Mrs. Brady,but with blonder hair)
Lysette: Hi, mom. Bye mom! (Whispering to Jane and Daria) Run while you have a chance.
Mrs. Johnson: Let me introduce myself, I'm Linda Johnson. Lysette's mom, and you are.
Daria: I'm Daria and this is Jane.
Linda: Nice to meet you. (Yelling at a man) Hey
[Cut to: Jane's room, Daria on the floor, Jane on the bed,And Lysette looking awkward on floor]
TV: Are your neighborhood raccoons getting high off of leftover coffee? Next on Sick, Sad, World!
Daria: (deadpan expression) They cease to amaze me.
[A loud guitar solo suddenly shakes the house.]
Jane: (With an evil grin on her face) You haven't met my brother Trent and his band, have you?
Daria: Jane. No!
Lysette: (Fails to see the problem) Uh. I guess not.
Jane: Let's go. To the bat mobile!
[The trio leaves Jane's room and heads for the basement, Daria with a saddened look to her face]
[We see the trio enter the basement]
Trent: Hey Janey, Daria and....
Trent: Hey. Nice shirt
Jane: That's my bro Trent, Jesse (she blushes a bit), Nick and Max.
(Various heys from the group)
Jane: Uh. Trent, could you keep it down a bit
Trent: Oh yeah. Sure Janey.
[The three girls start heading up the stairs, when Lysette turns around]
Lysette: Hey Trent?
Trent: (suddenly realizes how cute she is) Yeah?
Lysette: A glass pick would sound better.
Trent: (faintly blushing, She doesn't notice) uh...thanks
Jesse: Trent? Trent? Trent?!?
Trent: Oh yeah. What?
[Cut to: Jane and Daria in the kitchen. Lysette comes in.]
Jane: What took you so long?
Lysette: I was giving Trent some tips.
Lysette: What?(Looks to Daria for help)
Daria: I think she wants to play yenta again.
Lysette: You mean?
Lysette: Well I'm taken so too bad for you.
Lysette: Really. Look I got to go home now.
Jane: Damn. I wanted to have some fun.
Daria: (deadpan expression) Ha. Ha.
[Cut to: Mr. DiMartino's classroom.]
Mr. D.: Now CLASS. The assignment tonight is a FIVE page ESSAY on the WAR that YOU feel was FUNNY.
(Pan into Lysette, Daria, and Jane)
Lysette: Does his eye always pop out like that?
Jane: Only when he breathes in.
Daria: (deadpan expression) I thought it was only when he was alive.
Jane: Oh yeah. Forgot.
Mr. D.: Aaaa! Lysette! Would you CARE to ENLIGHTEN us as to the REASON to you TALKING in my CLASS?
Lysette: (deadpan expression) I would rather stick my head in a pot of boiling water.
(The bell rings)
Lysette: Saved By The Bell.
[Cut to: Daria, Jane, and Lysette walking down the street. A car pulls up.]
Daria: Hey Tom.
Tom: Hey. Who's that?
Daria: Lysette meet Tom. Tom meet Lysette.
(Heys are exchanged)
Daria: (Gets into the car) Bye guys.
(They drive off)(Lysette and Jane continue walking)
Lysette: Was that her boyfriend?
Jane. Yeah, Speaking of boyfriends. Tell me about yours.
Lysette: Actually I lied.
Lysette: Because I didn't want you to fix me up with anyone.
Lysette: I like things to happen naturally.
(They stop at Lysettes house)
Lysette: Ding, Ding, Ding. All passengers please exit.
(Lysette heads up the path and enters her house)
Jane: Bad relationship or not, I'm going to fix them up.