BOXING QUINN By M Man (This episode is a Quinn's-eye view of the episode "Boxing Daria". A great many of the scenes are taken unchanged from that episode.) OPENING THEME La la la la la This is my stop Got to get off I may go pop Excuse me! Excuse me! I've got to be direct You're standing on my neck You're standing on my neck Daria in "Boxing Quinn" SEGMENT 1 OF "BOXING QUINN" (FLASHBACK - Morgendorffer home in Highland, 11 years ago. Quinn's bedroom at night. Dolls and doll accessories, as well as clothes, are scattered about. Quinn is sleeping, but she wakes and her eyes open wide when she hears the voices of her parents arguing.) Jake's voice: Dammit, Helen! That's it! How much am I supposed to take? (Quinn looks frightened.) Helen's voice: Jake! She's a child! She doesn't know any better! (Quinn looks more frightened.) Jake's voice: That's what she wants you to believe! (Fade to black, then - SCENE - Present-day Lawndale High School. The Fashion Club is gathered around Quinn's locker.) Sandi: Did you see those new jeans they got in at Cashman's? Really cute! Tiffany: Yeahhh. Cuuute. Quinn: Really? Stacy: I didn't see them yet. Tell me about ... (Stacy is interrupted by the loudspeaker.) Ms. Li (on loudspeaker): Attention! Lawndale High students! It has come to my attention that during our all-important Trail Mix Fund Drive Week, some individuals have been flouting outside snacks from non-school-affiliated sources. (Girls all look at each other with raised eyebrows.) Now, students, the Booster Club, Leadership Club, Chess Club, Dominoes Club, football, basketball, lacrosse and marbles teams, as well as the Fraternal Brotherhood of Future Marketing and Promotions Executives, need your help! I'm afraid we're going to have to institute snack spot-checks! I'm sorry, people, but you've abused your privileges! Stacy: Oh, no! That's why Ms. Li glared at me yesterday when I was eating a carrot stick! Sandi: It's like Ms. Li has gone postal or something. Tiffany: Yahhh. Postalll. Sandi: Well, she'll take *my* carrot sticks when she pries them from my cold, dead fingers. We'll discuss this at our meeting tomorrow! Quinn: Good idea, Sandi. (SCENE - Kitchen at Morgendorffer residence - after school.) Helen (reading refrigerator manual): This says the different vegetable bins have individual thermostats. Quinn: That means I can have celery stalks at one temperature for their optimum crispness, and carrots at another for theirs! Daria: Just make sure they never touch - or kablooey! Quinn: (sarcastically) Ha! (Quinn leaves) Helen: What do you think of the new refrigerator, Daria? Daria: I think ... (looks into back yard) I think they left the box. Helen: Oh, isn't that ridiculous! They carted off that heavy old refrigerator and left the cardboard box. Well, it's light. You and your sister can move it out to the curb for the trash collector. Daria: Isn't that the sort of brute donkey-work the reason they made fathers? Helen: Daria, I'm surprised at you being so traditional! Daria: I'm not being traditional. I'm being lazy. Helen: Well, your father heard about a last-minute opening at some marketing conference and ran off so I guess you girls will have to do it. Daria: A last-minute trip? He didn't say anything about that. Helen: Well, no, Daria, that's because it was last-minute. Daria: Oh. OK. Did we have one of those when I was a kid? Helen: One of what? Daria: A refrigerator box. I seem to remember spending a lot of time playing in one when I was a kid. Helen: Oh, I doubt that, Daria. I don't remember you doing much playing at all. Ha-ha-ha. (weakly) Ha. (SCENE - Back yard at Morgendorffer house. Daria and Quinn dragging the refrigerator box.) Daria: Dou you remember us having one of those when we were kids? Quinn: Daria, I'm doing manual labor here? I'm not in the mood for a stroll down Memory Road! Daria: You were probably too young, anyway. I think I was around five or six. Quinn: Daria! I'm near the perspiring point! Daria: Oh, c'mon! This thing isn't heavy. I could drag it myself. Quinn: (lets go of her end) OK! 'Bye! Daria: Wait! Quinn: What? Daria: Why do you think Dad *really* went away? Quinn: Daria, why are you so weird? (SCENE - Quinn in her bedroom, sitting at her makeup mirror, brushing her hair. She stops and stares thoughtfully. Then, cut to FLASHBACK of Quinn in her bed eleven years ago, looking frightened, mouth open.) Jake's voice: Dammit, Helen! That's it! How much am I supposed to take!? Helen's voice: Jake, she's a child! She doesn't know any better! Jake's voice: That's what she wants you to believe! (SCENE - back to present-day Quinn in her bedroom.) Quinn (to herself, still staring): Freakin' box! Stupid freakin' sister! Always making freakin' problems! (Quinn then looks in the mirror, horrified at what she just said. Then she resumes brushing her hair vigorously, trying to forget.) END OF SEGMENT 1 OF "BOXING QUINN" CUT TO COMMERCIAL BREAK WITH SCENE OF FASHION CLUB GIRLS AT QUINN'S LOCKER. (Commercial.) (Outside shot of Chez Pierre.) (smooth announcer, French accent) For the best in traditional continental cuisine, come to Chez Pierre in Lawndale. (Inside shot of Chez Pierre.) All our specialties are prepared by our own chef, Jean-Guy LeBoeuf! Jean-Guy is a graduate of the famous Academy of Culinary Arts in Paris! (picture of Jean-Guy) So, for that special night out, make it Chez Pierre! (JINGLE) If you've got lots of savior-faire, You'll love Chez Pierre! (/JINGLE) That's Chez Pierre, in Lawndale! (End of Commercial) SEGMENT 2 OF "BOXING QUINN" (SCENE - Kitchen at Morgendorffer house. Helen is talking on her cell-phone.) Helen: Eric, I'm running a little late. No, it's nothing to do with the refrigerator. Oh, I should *chill*, ha , ha. That's funny. OK, 'bye! (Helen sees refrigerator box in back yard.) Huh? (Quinn enters.) Quinn, I thought I asked you and Daria to move that box out to the curb. Quinn: What? We did! Helen: Maybe you dreamt that you did. I want you to go out there and move it right now! Quinn: But, Mom, I swear ... Helen: I don't have time to play games, Quinn, I'm late. Bring the box to the curb or I won't be responsible for what happens to your carrot sticks! (SCENE - Quinn in back yard, dragging the refrigerator box by herself.) Quinn: Stupid freakin' carton! Hard freakin' labor! I'm only freakin' human! How much can one freakin' girl take? Even an enormously freakin' popular one! (SCENE - Fashion Club meeting in Sandi's bedroom.) Sandi: Stacy has come up with an excellent idea. We can hide our celery and carrot sticks in the Home Ec refrigerator. Suitably labelled, no-one will question their presence there. Tiffany: Way to gooo, Stacyy! Stacy: Uh, thanks, Tiffany. Sandi: But we must be discreet. Let's just be careful we're not seen eating them until this Trail Mix thingie is over. (Sounds of Sandi's brothers, Sam and Chris, playing in the hallway.) Sam's voice: Whaddaya mean? I won that game fair and square!! Chris's voice: No you didn't, *I* did, you moron!! Sam's voice: I'm *not* a moron!! (Quinn gets a faraway look on her face - she's remembering: ) (FLASHBACK - Daria's bedroom in Highland eleven years ago. Daria is in her refrigerator box, reading. Quinn is peering in and holding a doll.) Quinn: C'mon, Daria, come out and play with me! Daria: I hate dolls. Quinn: Yeah, well, I hate books! Books just make you an egghead! And everybody hates eggheads! Daria: Shut up, you little moron! Quinn: Egghead!! Daria: Moron!! Helen's voice: Girls! Stop that name-calling! We heard you all the way out in the back yard! (SCENE - back to present-day, Sandi's bedroom.) Stacy: Quinn? Quinn? Are you OK? (Quinn re-focuses on the present.) Quinn: Huh? Sandi: It's like you blacked out or something, Quinn. Tiffany: Yahhh. Really blacked out. Quinn: I'm OK. I'm just a little tired. Mom's been making me do manual labor. (All the FC girls draw breaths of astonishment.) Sandi: Aren't there child labor laws that forbid such practices? As your mother should know, since she's a lawyer. Quinn (still somewhat far away): No, nothing like that, Sandi, nothing like that. (SCENE - Quinn walking home from the Fashion Club meeting with Stacy.) Stacy: You really looked like you blacked out for a minute there, Quinn. Quinn: I've had a lot on my mind lately, Stacy. Stacy: OK. Do you want to talk about it? Quinn: No. It's .... family stuff. (They reach Quinn's house and stop.) Stacy: OK, Quinn. I just hope you're all right. Quinn (unconvincingly): I'm fine, Stacy, I'll be OK. 'Bye, Stacy. Stacy (looking concerned): 'Bye, Quinn. (Quinn walks toward her house.) (SCENE - Quinn in her bedroom, sitting at her makeup mirror. She looks at herself and sighs, then gets a faraway look again, as she remembers - FLASHBACK - Quinn in her bed, eleven years ago in Highland, looking frightened.) Jake's voice: Dammit, Helen, that's it! How much am I supposed to take? Helen's voice: Jake, this isn't about you! It's about her! Having a little trouble fitting in! Jake's voice: She doesn't *want* to fit in, dammit, why can't you admit that? Helen's voice: Jake, she's a child. She doesn't know any better! Jake's voice: That's what she *wants* you to believe! Helen's voice: Where are you going? (Sound of door slamming and car driving off.) (SCENE - back to present-day Quinn at her makeup mirror. She's staring into the mirror, wide-eyed. Then she quickly gets up and starts running downstairs.) (SCENE - Morgendorffer back yard. Daria is in the box. Jane is looking into the box, talking to her.) Jane: Daria! C'mon! The neighbors are starting to talk! Daria: Um, good. Soon they'll progress to cave drawings and civilization will be on its way. (Daria crawls out of the box.) Quinn (comes running): Daria! I remembered! You were right! I remember when I was three or four and it was nighttime and I woke up because Mom and Dad were fighting and then Dad was yelling and a door slammed and then I heard a car start up and then he drove away! Daria: Thank you. I knew I wasn't imagining it. Do you remember what they were fighting about? Quinn: Um, yeah. They were fighting about *you*. (Daria crawls back into the box.) (SCENE - Quinn back in her bedroom, brushing her hair vigorously. Again she remembers - ) (FLASHBACK - Eleven years ago. Jake, Helen, Daria and Quinn in the family car.) Jake: I'm just saying, Daria, if you give the other boys and girls a chance, you might find someone you like. It takes all kinds! Quinn: I like lots of kids. Daria: They call me egghead. Helen: Sweetie, this is a little hard for your father and me to keep taking time off from work to talk to the counselor. Why don't you meet us halfway and *try* talking to the other kids? Daria: They don't say anything that interests me. Quinn: I talk a lot to the other kids and they talk back! Helen: Daria, how do you know they don't interest you? (The car is now parked in the driveway of their house.) Daria: I'm tired. (she leaves.) Quinn: I'm not tired! (Quick cut back to Quinn in front on her makeup mirror - then - ) (SCENE - Living room at Morgendorffer home in Highland. Helen is sitting on the sofa. Quinn runs up to her, holding a doll.) Quinn: Mommy, Daria won't play with me! Helen: Daria's not interested in dolls, Quinn. Maybe if you asked her to tell you a story from one of her books .... Quinn: I hate books! They make you too smart! Helen: You should be trying to read more, Quinn, you're old enough ... Quinn: Everybody hates you if you're smart! That's why everybody hates Daria! Helen: Nobody hates Daria, Quinn! Quinn: I do! I wish she wasn't my sister! Helen: Quinn! Don't talk that way about Daria ... ! (Quinn bursts into tears and runs to her room. Helen looks completely defeated.) (SCENE - Quinn in her bed, looking frightened as Jake and Helen argue.) Helen's voice: Well, I don't know what to do! I'm at my wit's end! Jake's voice: Dammit, Helen, that's it! I go in there every day to face a psychotic boss, a job that makes me feel like a freakin' slave, and then I have to come home to deal with *this*? How much am I supposed to take? Helen's voice: Jake, this isn't about you! It's about her! Having a little trouble fitting in! Jake's voice: She doesn't *want* to fit in, dammit, why can't you admit that? Helen's voice: Jake, she's a child. She doesn't know any better! Jake's voice: That's what she *wants* you to believe! Helen's voice: Where are you going? (Sound of door slamming and car driving off.) (SCENE - Present-day Quinn, still at her makeup mirror. She puts her hands to her face and sobs softly.) END OF SEGMENT 2 OF "BOXING QUINN" CUT TO COMMERICAL BREAK WITH SHOT OF LITTLE QUINN IN BED, LOOKING FRIGHTENED. (Commercial) (frantic announcer) This week and this week only! Come to our once-in-a-lifetime blowout sale at JJ Jeeters! Everything must go in this fantastic inventory sale! Everything's a bargain! Bargain! Bargain! Clothes for the whole family! This sale will NOT be repeated EVER! That's all this week at JJ Jeeters! In the Lawndale Mall!!! (End of commercial) SEGMENT 3 OF "BOXING QUINN" (SCENE - Kitchen at Morgendorffer house. Jake and Helen are looking out at the refrigerator box in the back yard.) Jake: But what's she doing in there? Helen: I don't know. She's been acting so strangely. I'd have called you but by the time I got home and saw her you were already in the air. (Quinn enters.) Quinn: Oh, hi, Dad! How was the Band-Aid conference? Jake: Branding! It was a *branding* conference. Quinn: Branding? Oh, no! Those poor cows! Helen: Quinn, do you have any idea why your sister is outside sitting in that ridiculous box? Quinn: Is she still out there? Um, it's about that fight you two had. Jake: Fight? What fight? Helen: We didn't have any fight. Quinn: Back when we were kids. In the old house. You know - you had a big fight about Daria and Dad stormed out. It was *very* traumatic. The scars are with me to this day! Do we have any diet soda? (SCENE - Quinn in her bedroom. She hears voices downstairs and goes to the top of the stairs to listen.) Helen's voice: Daria, you have to understand. We kept getting calls from the school. You wouldn't talk with the other children. You wouldn't play with the other children. *We* knew how smart you were - talking to you was like talking to a miniature adult. But you wouldn't engage with the other kids. Daria's voice: They didn't interest me. Jake's voice: That's what you said. Helen's voice: Your father was in a job he hated with a really sadistic boss. Jake's voice: Lousy mini-Mussolini! Helen's voice: Jake! Jake's voice: Tense, Daria. I was very tense. Helen's voice: I was trying to resume a full-time workload and still raise two young girls. We were *all* tense. Your problems at school were sort of the straw that broke the camel's back. We had an argument. Your father stormed off, spent the night in a motel. Jake's voice: Crappy motel! Helen's voice: And the next day we made up and carried on. Daria's voice: So I caused a big marital rift. Jake's voice: Not a *rift*, Daria! Helen's voice: We had a fight one night. You happened to be the topic, not the cause. (Sound of Daria leaving and driving away. Quinn has a horrified look on her face and remembers - ) (FLASHBACK - Kitchen in Morgendorffer home in Highland, eleven years ago. Helen is at the stove, cooking. Quinn comes in.) Quinn: Mommy? Helen: Yes, sweetie. Quinn: Mommy, are you and Daddy getting 'vorced like Aunt Rita? Helen: No, Quinn, of course not. Quinn: Where did Daddy go last night? Helen: To a motel. He came back this morning. Quinn: You're gonna get 'vorced! And it's all Daria's fault! (starts to cry.) Helen: No, Quinn. We're not getting divorced... Quinn: (running away and crying) I hate Daria! I hate her! (SCENE - Living room - present-day Morgendorffer home. Helen and Jake returning inside after Daria has driven away. Quinn comes running down the stairs.) Quinn: Mom! Where'd Daria go? Helen: I don't know, Quinn. (Quinn runs back upstairs into Daria's room. She finds a scrap of paper by Daria's phone and runs back down with it. She hands the scrap to Helen and points at it.) Quinn: Here! I'll bet she's gone here! Helen: Tom's family's place the the Cove? Could be. That's four hours away. Quinn: Call them! Or I will! (Helen looks at Quinn in surprise at her vehemence. Then she dials the phone.) Helen (to phone): Kay? Yes, this is Helen - Daria's mother. Did Daria say anything about coming up to visit tonight? Oh, she *just* called. Thank you, Kay. No, no trouble. She was just a little vague about her plans. Have her call us when she gets there. Thanks. 'Bye. (hangs up the phone) Helen (to Jake): She went to Tom's place at the Cove. Jake: I just looked outside. It's starting to rain - hard. (Quinn has been dialing the phone since Helen hung it up.) Quinn: I called the cell-phone in the car. Daria won't pick up. Helen: Oh, dear! (OUTSIDE shot of Morgendorffer home - rain falling.) (INSIDE Morgendorffer home. Jake, Helen and Quinn all pacing in the living room. The phone rings - they all go for it, but Quinn gets to it first.) Quinn: Oh, no!! Daria's been in an accident??!! Helen: Oh, my God! Jake: Oh, no, lousy crappy weather ... (Helen grabs the phone from Quinn.) Helen: Helloo? Oh, Jane! What happened!? (pause, her face starting to relax) Daria's OK, just shaken up? And the car's OK? Thank you, Jane. 'Bye! (hangs up) Helen: That was Jane. She's on her way to meet Daria. She'll be OK. Let's just wait here. No sense in all of us being out in this storm. (Jake and Helen sit down. Quinn runs outside, grabs the refrigerator box and drags it inside. Jake and Helen look at her, astonished.) Quinn: We don't want it to get all wet! (She drags it up the stairs. Helen and Jake stare, wide-eyed, but don't say anything.) (SCENE - Quinn in her room, writing a note at her makeup table. Her eyes are visibly red from crying.) Quinn (out loud as she writes): "Didn't know if you'd need this, but just in case - Quinn." (OUTSIDE SCENE of Daria arriving back home, Jane waving as she drives away.) (SCENE - Daria's bedroom. Daria is staring at the note and the box. She looks touched. Then she turns on the TV.) TV (Sick Sad World theme and announcer): Sick Sad World will not be seen this week due to the following special program. Tune in next week ... (Daria turns off the TV. Quinn knocks at the door. It opens slightly.) Quinn: (tentatively) Daria? Daria: (softly) Come on in, Quinn. (Quinn enters. Daria looks at the box, the note, then back at Quinn.) Daria: Quinn, I ... I don't know what to say. (Quinn grabs Daria and hugs her, just as Daria did to Jane in "Boxing Daria".) Quinn (crying): Daria, I'm so glad you're my sister! (Daria has the same stunned look Jane had when hugged in "Boxing Daria".) END OF SEGMENT 3 - END OF FANFIC "BOXING QUINN" Alter egos - all of Daria and Quinn. Closing Theme - We Are Family, by Sister Sledge. We are family I got all my sisters with me We are family Get up ev'rybody and sing Ev'ryone can see we're together As we walk on by (FLY!) and we fly just like birds of a feather I won't tell no lie (ALL!) all of the people around us they say Can they be that close Just let me state for the record We're giving love in a family dose We are family I got all my sisters with me We are family Get up ev'rybody and sing We are family I got all my sisters with me We are family Get up ev'rybody and sing ***** NOTES The much-divorced Aunt Rita (Helen's sister) was seen in "I Don't" and "Aunt Nauseam". Sandi's comment about carrot sticks and Ms. Li is from the gun-rights slogan "they'll take my gun from me when they pry it from my cold, dead fingers." The song "We Are Family" became famous as a theme adopted by the 1979 Pittsburgh Pirates, who went on to win the World Series that year. Katherine "Kay" Sloane was seen in "Is It Fall Yet?" "LeBoeuf" is French for "The Beef". JJ Jeeters was mentioned in "The Invitation". ***** Please e-mail your reactions to this fanfic. As always, fan-artists are strongly encouraged to draw pictures based on this fanfic.