ALL IN A ROWE By M Man (You won't understand this episode at all unless you understand the term "thought VO", which is short for "thought voice-over". It means we hear the character's (Stacy's) thoughts in her own voice, but the other characters cannot hear her.) (This episode takes place early in season 5, before "Fat Like Me".) OPENING THEME La la la la la This is my stop Got to get off I may go pop Excuse me! Excuse me! I've got to be direct You're standing on my neck You're standing on my neck Daria in "All in a Rowe" SEGMENT 1 OF "ALL IN A ROWE" (SCENE - Living Room of Morgendorffer residence. Tom and Daria are on the sofa, feet up on the table, watching TV. Quinn enters.) Quinn: What are *you* two doing here? Daria: Uh, Quinn, in case you forgot, I live here, and I invited Tom. Quinn: Well, OK, you can stay ... Daria: ... gee, thanks, Sis ... Quinn: Don't call me that! The Fashion Club is meeting here tonight! Tom: The what? Daria: The Fashion Club. I'll fill you in later. Quinn: Just don't do anything to embarrass me ... Daria: (teasing) .. would *I* do that? ... Quinn: Yes!! Look, the Fashion Club only meets at our house once a month. Just don't bother us, OK? (The doorbell rings.) Oh, my God! They're here! Daria: Answer the door, *Sis*! Quinn: Shut up!!! (Quinn opens the door. Sandi, Stacy and Tiffany are there.) Quinn: Come on in. Let's get started. (Quinn tries to hurry the FC past Tom and Daria.) Sandi: (mocking) Gee, Quinn, why the big hurry? Aren't you going to introduce us to these people? Quinn: (uneasy) Uh, OK. (talking very fast) SandiStacyTiffany, thisismy adoptedcousinDariaandTom. Now let's get started! (Sandi smirks at Quinn's introduction. Stacy stares at Tom for a few seconds, then smiles at him. Then the FC girls start upstairs.) Stacy (thought VO): Who *is* that guy? And how does Quinn's geeky sister- oh, yeah, cousin, cousin, cousin, I must remember to say that - rate a cute guy like him? (The FC girls continue up the stairway.) Stacy (thought VO): Now, I remember. We saw them downtown last spring. I overheard Brittany Taylor - and some people think WE'RE dumb? God! - saying Daria had stolen him from her best friend - that artsy chick who did the dance decorations Quinn took all the credit for? I thought Brittany must be out of her mind but maybe she was right! (The FC girls enter Quinn's room and arrange themselves - Sandi in a chair, Quinn and Tiffany sitting on Quinn's bed, Stacy on the floor, cross-legged.) (SCENE - Tom and Daria still watching TV on the sofa) Tom: So what's this Fashion Club? Daria: You saw them the night we, uh, ... Tom: ... first kissed? ... Daria: ... thank you for not mentioning Jane. The Blush-a-Thon, remember? They think and talk about nothing but clothes and popularity and ..., well, that's about it. My sister is the vice-president. Tom: And the others? Daria: The tallest one with the sour expression is Sandi Griffin. She's the president and generally the school bitch ... Tom: Ouch! Daria: The Asian girl is Tiffany Blum-Deckler. If she doubled her intelligence, she'd almost be stupid ... Tom: Blum-Deckler? Doesn't sound Asian. Daria: I never asked. The other one is Stacy Rowe. She can't decide what she's more afraid of - her own shadow, or Sandi. Tom: The Fashion Club. I don't think we have one at Fielding Prep. Daria: How lucky you are. Television (SSW Theme and announcer): Carmelite nuns by day, arsonists by night! Torched by an angel, next on Sick Sad World! (SCENE - The FC girls upstairs.) Sandi: This meeting of the Fashion Club will now come to order. Stacy (thought VO): Gee, Sandi, do you always have to sound so pompous? (imitating Sandi) "... will now come to order!" Sandi: Stacy! (pauses and glares) STACY!! Stacy: (meekly) What, Sandi? Sandi: (sharply) Are you still the recording secretary? Stacy: Of course I am, Sandi. Sandi: Then get out your notebook! Stacy: Sorry. (she gets out her notebook and a pen, and opens the notebook.) Sandi: Now that we're all paying attention (hard look at Stacy, who cringes) we can begin. The first item on the agenda ... Stacy (thought VO): Why don't I stand up to Sandi when she does that? I'm such a wimp! Sandi: ... is the feature article from this month's edition of "Waif" magazine: "Is Thin Still In?". You have all read it? (Quinn, Stacy and Tiffany all nod "yes") Good. Comments? Quinn? Quinn: Thin is *always* "in", Sandi. I mean, when is being fat fashionable? Stacy (thought VO) Why do they even write articles like that? It's like they just made something up to fill up pages. And why are we wasting time discussing them? Sandi: Quinn, there's a difference between "thin" and "slim". Of course "Waif" has not come out in favor of fatness ... Stacy: What Quinn means, Sandi, ... Sandi: (sharply) I think Quinn can speak for herself, Stacy, if you don't mind! Stacy: Sorry! Stacy (thought VO): Sandi, some day I'm going to shove this pen up your ... Quinn: I know "slim" is not the same as "thin", Sandi. I just don't think this article really said anything new. Stacy (thought VO): Yeah, Quinn! You tell her! Tiffany: Yahh. Good point, Quinn. Sandi: I think *all* of you missed the point. Please re-read the article and we'll discuss it at next week's meeting. Stacy (thought VO): (imitating Sandi) "Re-read the article, re-read the article." Sandi, you are so full of yourself! Sandi: Next topic: the Sadie Hawkins Dance. An old tradition. We girls ask the boys to the dance. I think we need to compile a list of suitable boys. Stacy (thought VO): Oh, yeah, Sandi, oh, yeah! I remember the Sadie Hawkins Day dance we had back in eighth grade! I asked Bart, who *you* had a crush on! You had to go with Theo with the horn-rimmed glasses! Ha! You never figured out I did that on purpose! Quinn: Why would the list of suitable boys be any different than our usual approved-dating list? Tiffany: Good point, Quinn. Stacy (thought VO): (imitating Tiffany) "Good point, Quinn." Gee, Tiffany, think for yourself once in a while! Sandi: Tiffany! Quinn! This is a *dance*! The boys we ask must be really good *dancers*! Tiffany: Oh, yeah! I think she's right, Quinn. Stacy (thought VO): (imitating Tiffany) "I think she's right, Quinn!" Gee, Tiffany, jumped on any good bandwagons lately? Quinn: But *none* of the boys at school are really good dancers except Normie whose parents make him go to ballroom dance class and he isn't on our approved dating list anyway because he's too short. Stacy (thought VO): He's too short for Sandi and me, Quinn. Not for *you*. Sandi: Hmmm. (glares at Quinn slightly) For once Quinn has a point. All in favor of making the approved-dating list the Sadie Hawkins Dance-list raise your hands. (All raise their hands.) Motion is carried. (Stacy writes it in her notebook.) Stacy (thought VO): I wish I could ask that boy Tom to the Sadie Hawkins Dance. I guess trying to steal Quinn's sister's boyfriend - oops, cousin's boyfriend, cousin, cousin, cousin - isn't a good idea, though. Besides, he looked too happy with Daria, I don't think he'd even consider another girl. I guess they're going steady or something. They sure look happy together. Of course, if Brittany was right, he did dump that artsy chick, so then again ... Sandi: Stacy! Could we have your attention? Stacy: (weakly) Sorry! Sandi: Perhaps some of us need a break or something since our powers of concentration are flagging or whatever! (looks hard at Stacy). Quinn: Let's go downstairs and get some sodas. Sandi: Good idea, Quinn. We'll resume the meeting after a break for refreshments. It's almost time for "Secrets of the Supermodels", anyway. (The FC girls start on their way downstairs.) (SCENE - Kitchen at Morgendorffer residence. Tom and Daria are at the kitchen table, playing chess. The FC girls enter.) Quinn: Why don't you all go into the living room since the kitchen is being used? I'll bring the sodas out! (Sandi and Tiffany leave for the living room. Stacy remains, watching Daria and Tom play chess.) END OF SEGMENT 1 OF "ALL IN A ROWE" CUT TO COMMERCIAL BREAK WITH SCENE OF STACY WRITING IN HER NOTEBOOK. (Commercial.) O'Neill: Rape Defense Video for Janet: Twenty dollars. (shot of videotape with woman in martial-arts clothing on the box) O'Neill: Susan B. Anthony biography for Janet: Thirty dollars. (picture of book.) O'Neill: Heart-to-heart conversation with Janet, priceless! (O'Neill bursting into tears in while talking to Barch near the end of "Sappy Anniversary") O'Neill: There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard! Think positive! It's accepted everywhere! (End of Commercial) SEGMENT 2 OF "ALL IN A ROWE" (SCENE - Morgendorffer kitchen. Tom and Daria playing chess. Stacy watching them. Quinn pouring sodas.) Quinn: (with a slight tone of urgency) Why don't you head out to the living room, Stacy? That's where we're taking our break. Stacy (ignoring Quinn, and smiling at Tom): How's the game going? Daria: (annoyed) Excuse me? Stacy: (to Tom) Who's winning? Tom: Do you play chess, Stacy? Stacy: My uncle tried to teach me once. I can't even remember how all the pieces move. So who's winning? (Quinn continues pouring drinks, but glances back at Stacy with a worried look.) Tom: This game looks very much like it's going to end in a draw. (Russian accent) Isn't dat right, Bobby? Daria: (Brooklyn accent) Yeah, I think we should call it a draw, Boris! (Tom and Daria laugh. Stacy laughs uneasily, a forced laugh.) Quinn: (carrying the drinks on a tray) Come *on*, Stacy! (Stacy leaves with Quinn, glancing back once at Tom and Daria.) (SCENE - Morgendorffer living room. Sandi and Tiffany are already seated. Stacy sits down while Quinn passes out the drinks.) Stacy (thought VO) Bobby? Boris? Some kind of inside joke only chess players know, I guess. The guys on our "approved dating list" probably couldn't master Chutes and Ladders, let alone chess. (SCENE - Morgendorffer kitchen. Tom and Daria are putting the chessmen into a box and folding up the chessboard.) Daria: Stacy? Interested in chess? That's a new one. Tom: Uh, Daria ... (hesitates) Daria: (puzzled) What? Tom: (cautiously) ... uh, I think she was trying to flirt with me... Daria: What?! If the damn Fashion Club thinks they can come here and ...! Tom: Easy, tiger. I suppose I should be flattered by the jealousy, but I'm not about to dump you for ... Daria: That's what Jane thought! Tom: (sharply) I had some help from her *best friend*. Daria: (pauses and takes a deep breath) OK. I deserve that. Tom: Daria, we have to be able to look each other in the eye and know that neither of us will make that kind of mistake twice. Otherwise we'll always be paranoid about each other. Daria: (another deep breath) OK. God! I can see why some of the other girls at school are so intimidated by the Fashion Club! Tom: By girls who spend their weekends at "Blush-A-Thons"? (both laugh) (SCENE - Morgendorffer living room. FC girls on the sofa, facing the TV. Quinn turns on the FashionVision channel.) Television: And now! FashionVision presents: Secrets of the Supermodels. Stacy (thought VO): If they're "secrets", why are they all over cable TV? Sandi: (to all three) Sometimes I can get better ideas from this show than from "Waif" magazine! Stacy (thought VO): I don't suppose you might actually think for yourself, Sandi. Like Quinn does. Sometimes. (Daria enters the living room, staring bullets at Stacy, who looks away.) Stacy (thought VO): Oh, God! She can read my mind! She knows what I was thinking about her boyfriend! (Daria walks to the TV) Quinn: Hey! Don't change the channel! Daria: I'm just getting the TV supplement to see what's on. Tom and I are going to watch TV in my room. (heavy sarcasm) Don't worry, I wouldn't *dream* of interrupting a Fashion Club meeting. Just like none of *you* would dream of interrupting a chess game! (Daria stares hard at Stacy again, then leaves with the TV supplement. Stacy looks like she's about to cry.) Sandi: That girl who lives with you can be most unpleasant, Quinn. Quinn: Tell me about it. Stacy (thought VO): (sarcasm) Of course, Sandi, *you're* always so pleasant to *everyone*. Tiffany (looking at the TV): Green bracelets are soooo wronggg. Stacy (thought VO): OK. Think, Stacy, think. The Sadie Hawkins Day Dance. Who's on our approved dating list? Quinn will be going with Jeffy or Joey or ... that other one. Or all three of them, that would be just like her. Robert? God, he's such an idiot! (Imitating Robert) "I hope my car is clean enough for you, ma'am." Ma'am? Like I'm somebody's grandmother! He does that to all the girls, though. The first time I went out with him he kept calling me "Tracy". Skylar? I never figured out what happened between him and Quinn that one time. Big date at Chez Pierre, and then nothing. She wouldn't talk about it. Even Sandi couldn't get the scoop on that one. He's so full of himself, though. Hmmm, I wonder if this is the week for Kevin to break up with Brittany? Oh, God, he's so dumb, too. All the guys on our approved-dating-list are morons. (Stacy looks over at the other three FC girls watching TV intently.) (sarcasm) Gee, I wonder why! No, I shouldn't say that. Not about Quinn. Sandi's so upset that Quinn's keeping a B-minus average this trimester. Gee, Sandi, it kind of helps that Quinn actually read the assignments and even listens in class. Sandi (watching TV): I don't think *that* model should be doing swimsuit photos. Quinn: And those earrings or hers are so ... Ugggh. Tiffany: That navel ring is sooo wronggg. Stacy (thought VO): Listen to them! Do *I* sound like that? I *wish* I had kept studying with that tutor David all summer like Quinn did. *She* has the guts to stand up to Sandi now and then. I think Quinn actually had a crush on David, though she didn't say much about it. He really was kind of cute. Ha! Imagine Sandi putting someone like *that* on our approved-dating list! More likely she'd put Upchuck on the list. Ha, ha, ha! God! If any of them found out I had a crush on Upchuck in seventh grade! Red hair and freckles are soooo cute. He's such a jerk with that playboy act, though. (Imitating Upchuck) "Lucious ladies, fill up the gas tank in my Love Machine!" So annoying. (Quinn gets up and turns the TV off. The other girls stand up.) I wonder what they'd all think if I asked Upchuck to the Sadie Hawkins Dance. Oh, my God, what am I thinking? Get a grip, Stacy, get a grip! Upchuck is a geek! Upchuck is a geek! Upchuck is a .... Sandi: Stacy! STACY!! Stacy: Yes, Sandi? Sandi: We're going back upstairs, if *you'd* care to join us or whatever. No reason you should, other than that you're the recording secretary. Stacy: Sorry, Sandi. I was, uh, thinking about ... something. Tiffany: That abysmal TV showww. Sandi: You are *so* right, Tiffany. I didn't get *any* good ideas from it this week. (The girls leave the living room and start upstairs.) (SCENE - Daria's bedroom. Daria is typing at her computer. Tom is sprawled on the bed, reading "Waif" magazine.) Tom: Listen to this, Daria. "The Britney Spears Diet". Carrot sticks, egg whites and diet soda. Do people actually believe this stuff? Daria: *I* can't believe you're reading Quinn's stupid magazine. Tom: It's morbidly fascinating. "Three Steps to Instant Popularity." "Ankle Socks: Retro or Pass‚?" "Power Flirting: Techniques that Never Fail." Daria: Probably Stacy read that one... God! Listen to me! I sound like ... Tom: ... a loyal girlfriend. Look, Daria. Honest truth: it's flattering that Stacy flirted with me, but it's *not* tempting. And don't be so hard on yourself. It's a normal reaction. Daria: Thank you. Uh, Tom? Tom: Yeah? Daria: I can't believe I'm doing this. Uh, there's a Sadie Hawkins Dance at school and, uh, ... Tom: Of course I'll go. Daria: Thank you. Me, at a school dance? With my boyfriend? I hope my classmates don't die of a heart attack. Tom: It's almost like you're ... human or something. (both laugh) (SCENE - Quinn's room. The FC girls are sitting as before.) Sandi: Well, I guess there's nothing to be gleaned from that sick episode of "Secrets of the Supermodels." Stacy: What about those exercises that one model did for her abdominals? Sandi: Are you suggesting our strict dietary guidelines are not sufficient to keep us slim? Stacy: Sandi, it's not just slimness, but muscle tone ... Sandi: (sharply) So you think *I* have no muscle tone? Quinn: I don't think Stacy was implying ... Sandi: Oh, great! My own vice-president, supporting a revolt against me. Quinn: Stacy's not revolting against you, Sandi, ... Stacy (thought VO): I'd like to, though! Sandi: (to Quinn) Maybe *you* could do a better job as president than I could! Stacy (thought VO): Of course you could, Quinn! Tell her! Tell her! Quinn: Don't be silly, Sandi, ... Stacy (though VO): Yes, Sandi, be silly! Be silly! Quinn: ... I could never replace *you*. Stacy (thought VO): Yes, you could! Yes, you could! Sandi: Even though I'm silly *and* I have no muscle tone? How generous of you, Quinn! Stacy: I never meant you have no ... Sandi: Stacy!! Shut up!! Stacy (staring at the floor, thought VO): One of these days I'm going to punch that stupid face of yours! Sandi, one day ... One day! END OF SEGMENT 2 OF "ALL IN A ROWE" CUT TO COMMERICAL BREAK WITH SHOT OF FC GIRLS WATCHING TELEVISION. (Commercial) DeMartino: Cheap art suppLIES, fifty DOLLARS! (scene of DeMartino with kids in IIFY at OK-to-Cry-Corral.) Demartino: Cheap T-shirts, ten dollars EACH! (scene of Daria, DeMartino and O'Neill introducing themselves to the kids in the same episode.) DeMartino: Getting a little fresh AIR, priceless! (Scene from IIFY of DeMartino throwing the sink through the window.) DeMartino: There are SOME things money CAN'T buy! For everything ELSE, there's MASTERCard! Accepted even at PLACES where a TEACHER can afford to shop! (End of commercial) SEGMENT 3 OF "ALL IN A ROWE" (SCENE - Daria's bedroom. Daria is typing at the computer. Tom is watching television, sitting on Daria's bed. Lush music is coming from the television.) Tom: (pointing at the TV) Look at this, Daria! I don't believe some women actually wear stuff like this! Sequined blue jeans? Daria: First, "Waif" magazine, now FashionVision. Why do I need a boyfriend when I already have a sister? Since they're becoming increasing difficult to tell apart... OWWW! (Daria puts her hand to her right eye.) Tom: What happened? Daria: A piece of dust landed in my eye. A big one. Tom (starting to get up): Here, let me help ... Daria (gets up): No, I'll go to the bathroom and wash my eye out. You just stay here. (Daria leaves.) (SCENE - Quinn's bedroom, Fashion Club meeting in progress.) Sandi: Next order of business: additions to or subtractions from our approved-dating list. I suggest adding Rex to the list since he was moved up to varsity status on the football team. Who's in favor? (All raise their hands.) Motion is carried. Do any of you have any ... (Stacy raises her hand.) Sandi: Yes, Stacy? Stacy: I need a bathroom break ... Sandi: I suppose we'll just have to sit here and do nothing while the recording secretary ... Quinn (leans over and takes Stacy's notebook): I'll keep the minutes while Stacy's gone, Sandi. Sandi (glares at both): Well, OK. Make it quick, though, Stacy. (Stacy leaves.) (SCENE - bathroom in Morgendorffer house. Stacy enters and finds Daria with a washcloth cleaning out her eye.) Stacy: Oh! Sorry! I'll use the downstairs bathroom ... Daria: It's OK. I'm done. (starts to leave.) Stacy: Uh, Daria. Daria: Yes? Stacy: What's it like ... ? (hesitates) Daria: Um, what's *what* like? Stacy: Having a steady boyfriend. Daria: *You* stay the hell away from him! Stacy: (meekly) Of course. Daria: Of course! Stacy: Really, what's it like? Daria: (puzzled ) C'mon. You're in the Fashion Club. You've had more boyfriends than I've read books. Stacy: But never a steady boyfriend. There's kind of - sort of a rule against it - in the Fashion Club. Daria: Sandi's rule? Stacy: Uh-huh. Daria: Stacy, I'm, uh, kind of new to having a boyfriend myself. Tom's my first one ... Stacy: What about Ted? Daria: Ted? DeWitt-Clinton? You *knew* about that? Stacy: I saw you two in the pizza shop together. And Robert told us about you two in the video arcade. Daria: It's the *only* time Ted and I were in the pizza shop. And if that damn Robert hadn't interfered, maybe Ted *would* have been my first real boyfriend! Stacy: Sorry. He's kinda cute. Daria (surprised): *You* think he's kinda cute? Stacy: Well, yeah. Didn't you think so? Daria: Actually, I *did* think so. I just surpised you do. Ted's not exactly the Fashion Club dating-list type. Stacy: Yeah. Sorry it didn't work out with Ted. Daria: It wasn't your fault. Stacy? Stacy: Yeah? Daria: I know I didn't exactly give you an answer to your question, but could you answer one for me? Stacy: Sure. Daria: Why do you let Sandi walk all over you? Stacy: (looks like she's going to cry) I don't know. Daria: If you don't want to talk about it .... Stacy: Sandi and I have been friends a long time and it's always been this way. Daria: Don't you get tired of it? Of her? Stacy: Yeah. Daria: So why do you put up with it? Stacy: (starting to cry) I don't know .... Daria: (grabs another washcloth and hands it to Stacy) Here. Stacy: Thanks. I'll be OK (puts the washcloth to her face and continues to cry.) (Daria stares for a few seconds, looking sympathetic, then leaves.) (SCENE - Daria's bedroom. Tom is still watching TV, from which are heard sounds of a quarterback barking signals. Daria enters.) Daria: The Pigskin Channel? Well, at least I don't have to feel like I'm dating Quinn anymore. (Tom laughs.) Tom: That was a long time just for a speck of dust in the eye. Daria: I ran into Stacy. We talked for a while. Tom: About ... ? Daria: Girl talk. Tom (smiling): OK. I can take a hint. (SCENE - Quinn's bedroom. Stacy re-enters the FC meeting. Quinn hands the notebook back to Stacy.) Sandi: (haughtily) Now that *all* of us are here again ... Stacy: (meekly) Sorry. Sandi: In Stacy's absence we added Rex, Harold and Chad to the approved- dating list, and removed Albert. Do we have any others to consider? Stacy: How about Ted? Stacy (thought VO): Oh, my God, I don't believe I said that! Tiffany: Who's Ted? Sandi: Uh, Stacy, I hope you don't mean that loser who takes pictures for the yearbook .... Stacy (thought VO): Why did I say that? I can't believe I said that! Sandi: ... because he's a complete and total geek and tried to cut back our yearbook space one time. If this is your idea of a joke ... Stacy: (pleading) Of course it's a joke, Sandi! Sandi (not convinced): A joke? Maybe you should watch the Comedy Channel while the rest of us watch FashionVision! Stacy (staring at the floor, thought VO): Damn it, Sandi! I should just walk out right now, you bitch! But I won't. I never do. Quinn: Sandi, Stacy was just joking ... Sandi: (annoyed) The Fashion Club dating-list is not an object of humor. I think we've finished. This meeting of the Fashion Club is now adjourned. (Stacy makes some last notations in her notebook while the other three get up and prepare to leave. Sandi and Tiffany leave first. Quinn lags behind, with Stacy still sitting on the floor.) Quinn: Come on, Stacy. (Stacy gets up slowly and follows Quinn out.) (SCENE - doorway of Morgendorffer home. Sandi, Stacy and Tiffany are leaving.) Quinn: 'Bye! Next week at Tiffany's, right? Sandi: Right, Quinn. Good night. Stacy and Tiffany: 'Night, Quinn! (The three girls walk along the sidewalk on their way home.) Sandi (to Tiffany): Did you see that ridiculous outfit that French model was wearing on "Secrets of the Supermodels"? Stacy (thought VO): I should have stood firm for putting Ted on the list! At least make them vote me down! Tiffany (to Sandi): That was sooo wronggg. Stacy (thought VO): Daria had a point. Why *do* I let Sandi walk all over me ...? Sandi (to Tiffany): And those short-thingies from that Swedish designer! Stacy (thought VO): I don't need to hang out with Sandi. I could be a cheerleader, or ... Tiffany (to Sandi): They looked sooo geeky! Stacy (thought VO): ... maybe I could join the track team like Daria's friend did one time. I have long legs, I bet I could run ... Sandi (to Stacy): Stacy! STACY!! (They've stopped walking.) Stacy: Yes, Sandi? Sandi: Isn't this your house? Stacy: Oh, yeah. See you in school tomorrow. (Stacy walks to the door and into the house. Sandi and Tiffany continue walking.) Sandi: Tiffany, do you think something's wrong with Stacy? She seems so distracted ... or something. (Quick cutaway shot of Stacy in her basement, putting a picture of Sandi's face onto a dartboard.) Tiffany: Yahhh. Distracted. (Quick cutaway shot of Stacy, darts in hand, taking aim at the dartboard.) Sandi: It's like she's not thinking straight or whatever. Tiffany: Sometimes she's so harrd to understannd. (Quick cutaway shot of Stacy shooting at the dartboard.) Sandi: Not so hard, really, Tiffany. She gets distracted, but I don't think much goes on in her mind. (Quick cutaway shot of Stacy shooting harder and harder at the dartboard.) Sandi: Well, here's your house, Tiffany. See you tomorrow! Tiffany: 'Night, Sandi! (Tiffany walks toward her house.) (Longer shot of Stacy, anger in her face, grunting with each shot, throwing dart after dart at Sandi's picture.) END OF SEGMENT 3 - END OF FANFIC Alter-Egos: All of Stacy. Closing Theme: Can You Read My Mind? (from "Superman" soundtrack) by Maureen McGovern. Can you read my mind? Do you know what it is that you do to me? I don't know who you are, Just a friend from another star. Here I am like a kid out of school, Holding hands with a god...I'm a fool, Will you look at me, quivering, Like a little girl, shivering, You can see right through me. Can you read my mind? Can you picture the things I'm thinking of? Wondering why you are, All the wonderful things you are. You can fly, You belong in the sky, You and I, could belong to each other. If you need a friend, I'm the one to fly to. If you need to be loved, Here I am, read my mind. ***** NOTES The title comes from the nursery rhyme: "Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow? With silver bells and cockle shells and pretty maids _all in a row_." The spelling "Rowe" is, of course, Stacy's surname. Stacy's reference to seeing Tom "downtown last spring" refers to an event in "Is It Fall Yet". Sadie Hawkins - Sadie Hawkins was a character in Al Capp's classic comic strip "Li'l Abner". Miss Hawkins was a homely girl who got no male interest and her father, the mayor of Dogpatch, concocted a scheme to marry her off - he decreed a footrace in which the unmarried women of Dogpatch would chase the bachelors. Any man who was caught would have to marry the woman who caught him. This became an annual event for forty years in the comic strip (from the 1930s to the 1970s) and spawned a tradition of high school and college dances, known as Sadie Hawkins Dances, in which the girls had to invite the boys to the dance. All references to Ted DeWitt-Clinton refer to events in the episode "The New Kid". Robert appeared in "The New Kid" and "Daria Dance Party". He usually addresses all females (even teenagers) as "ma'am". He also called Daria "Darcy", which is why he might also have called Stacy "Tracy". The reference to "dance decorations" is to "Daria Dance Party". The reference to Jane being on the track team is a reference to the episode "See Jane Run". Skylar and his date with Quinn are in the episode "Pinch Sitter". David appeared in "Is It Fall Yet?". And, of course, Daria and Tom's references to Jane concern events in "Dye! Dye! My Darling!" "Bobby" and "Boris" are Bobby Fischer (American) and Boris Spassky (Russian), who played for the World Chess Championship to world headlines in 1972 in Reykjavik, Iceland (Fischer won 7-3 with 11 draws). They played a non-title re-match twenty years later, also won by Fischer. Clips of Fischer (with his heavy Brooklyn accent) were seen in the 1993 movie "Searching for Bobby Fischer". Daria and Tom, of course, saw the video of that movie to get the idea for their Bobby-Boris act. This fanfic is available in French translation (by Gargamel) at: cyberdaria.com/fanwork/fanfict/rowe.txt ***** Please e-mail your reactions to this fanfic. As always, fan-artists are strongly encouraged to draw pictures based on this fanfic.