A LEG UP ON THE COMPETITION
By M Man
(This episode takes place in season 2.)
OPENING THEME
La la la la la
This is my stop
Got to get off
I may go pop
Excuse me! Excuse me!
I've got to be direct
You're standing on my neck
You're standing on my neck
Daria in "A Leg Up on the Competition"
SEGMENT 1 OF "A LEG UP ON THE COMPETITION"
(SCENE - Jake, Helen, Daria and Quinn inside the front door of the Morgendorffer residence. Jake is carrying a suitcase and Helen an overnight bag.)
Helen: OK, girls, I think you two can manage on your own for one night ...
Daria: We'll be OK, Mom.
Quinn: Yeah, I'll call Stacy and Sandi and ...
Helen: No guests! Not while we're away. It's just for one night.
Quinn: Mu-OMMMM!!!
Helen: Quinn, I don't want anyone in here unsupervised. I think you can manage for one night while Jake and I take care of this family emergency ...
Jake: Emergency, my foot! Helen, your mother's a lousy, stinkin' hypochondriac ...!
Daria: We'll be OK.
Helen: And you two stay in the house tonight.
Quinn: Mu-OMMMM!!!
Helen: Quinn, one night. You can manage that. We'll be back tomorrow evening.
Quinn: I'm *not* Daria!
Daria (annoyed): What's that supposed to ... ?
Quinn: *You* never go anywhere anyway!
Helen: And you two can get along for one night, too.
Daria (imitating Quinn): Mu-OMMM!!
Quinn (sarcastic): Ha, ha. Funny, Daria.
Helen: Seriously. Don't fight while we're gone.
Daria (with a slightly mocking tone): Sure, Mom. We'll get along as well as you do with *your* sisters.
Jake: That's the spirit!
Helen (rolls her eyes): Oh, Jake! Let's just leave!
(Helen and Jake leave. Daria shuts the door after them.)
Quinn: I got the TV! FashionVision!
(Daria sighs.)
Daria: I'll be upstairs on the computer.
(SCENE - Daria upstairs in her room, typing at the computer. Quinn knocks on the half-open door. Daria appears not to notice.)
Quinn: Daria?
Daria (wide-eyed): Wait, I know you from somewhere ...
Quinn: Daria, the cable went out.
Daria: Um, that must be why my Internet connection dropped too.
Quinn: So why are you still typing?
Daria: I'm working on a short story.
Quinn: Daria, what can I do with no TV?
Daria: Well, the usual things shallow people who only care about their looks do: comb your hair, do your nails, uh, whatever else you do ...
Quinn: Really, Daria ...
Daria: You could read a book. Moby Dick would keep you occupied for months, maybe years. Top shelf to my right ...
Quinn: Daria, I was being serious ..., um, maybe we could do something together?
(Daria turns and looks at Quinn.)
Daria: Hmmm. You *are* serious. Aren't you afraid if we act like sisters in private you might let it slip to the Three Fashioneers that we're sisters?
Quinn: Yeah, like they'd believe that anyway. Didn't we sometimes play games together when we were kids?
Daria: Not very often. I got you to play Scrabble a few times and you cried 'cause I always won.
Quinn: You always stuck me with the Q!
Daria: Your name starts with a Q. You should be able to find words with Q.
Quinn: I can't use my name! Proper names aren't allowed in Scrabble, remember?
Daria: That's not why you lost.
Quinn: Was too!
Daria: Quinn, you just aren't good enough with words 'cause you don't read enough ...
Quinn: If you started the game with the Q, and couldn't trade it in, I could beat you.
Daria (confidently): If I start with the Q, I'll find a word for it soon enough.
Quinn (defiantly): Afraid to play me?
(Daria ponders.)
Daria: It's a deal. But if I win, you have to read Moby Dick and pass the test O'Neill gave my class.
Quinn (hesitantly): Uh, sure ...
Daria: Is it a bet? If you fail the test, you have to keep reading and retaking it until you pass.
Quinn: I said OK, OK? Now if I win I get to do a makeover on you!
Daria: Uh, Quinn, that's not fair ...
Quinn: You're so sure you're going to win anyway!
Daria: You won't make me look ridiculous? Or cut my hair?
Quinn: I won't do anything that can't be undone the next day. And nothing ridiculous, Daria, that would be against the ethics of the Fashion Club.
Daria: The ethics of the Fashion Club? That's not a comforting thought ...
Quinn: I thought you were so sure you were going to win!
(Daria hesitates for a moment.)
Daria: Um, OK. Let's play. Strict rules.
Quinn: Sure. Strict rules.
(Daria gets the Scrabble box off one of her bookshelves and lays out the board. Quinn pulls the Q out.)
Quinn: Remember, you start with the Q and can't trade it in!
Daria: I remember. Let's draw for first turn. Lowest letter goes first.
(Quinn draws a J. Daria draws a T.)
Quinn: I'm first!
(Quinn draws seven letters. Daria draws six to go with her Q. They both rearrange the letters on their racks as they ponder.)
Quinn: Hmmm. There's a word, but only three letters.
Daria: We all have to start somewhere ...
Quinn: Oh, wait, there's one with four letters.
Daria: "Four letter words" aren't allowed ...
Quinn (sarcastic): Ha, ha.
(Quinn pauses and concentrates.)
Quinn: Oh, my Gawd! I can put them together and make one word! That's all my letters! Isn't that called a "banjo" or something??!!
Daria: It's called a "bingo". You *never* had a bingo in all the times we played. I'll bet your word isn't valid. Remember? Strict rules. If it isn't in the dictionary, you lose your turn.
(Quinn lays out the word 'EYELASH' on the board.)
Daria: I can't believe it. You actually got a bingo. (pause) Let's see, that's 17 points, counting the Y as a double letter, 34 because it's a double-word and 50 for the bingo makes - 84 points!
Quinn: Wow!
Daria: Uh, sometimes you didn't used to get 84 points in a whole game.
(SCENE - Helen and Jake in the car. Jake is driving.)
Helen: Damn Rita. Always there when dear Mother is passing out the cash, but when Mother gets sick, she's nowhere to be found ...
Jake: I thought Rita was out of the country.
Helen: Canada, Jake, not China. She could fly back in a few hours.
Jake (angry): I remember when my Dad went to Canada on a hunting trip. Would he take little Jakey? No, sireee ...
(SCENE - Daria and Quinn finishing their Scrabble game. Daria is totalling the scores.)
Daria: You had four letters left over. What are they?
(Quinn dumps the letters off her rack.)
Daria: You saved all four U's! No wonder I never got to play the Q! And I'm left with the Q. Lets see, 275 minus 4 is 271 and 290 minus 20 is ...
(Daria looks downcast.)
Daria: Uh, Quinn, you won ...
Quinn: Oh my Gawd! I can't believe it!
Daria: 271 to 270.
Quinn: Ha! I knew you couldn't win without sticking me with that stupid Q!
Daria: Look, Quinn, do you have to rub it in ...
Quinn: Daria, when I do my makeover on you, you'll find out that you were the *real* winner tonight!
(Daria sighs)
(SCENE - Quinn in her room, pulling clothes out of her closet and tossing them on the floor as she looks them over.)
Quinn (to herself): No, no, no, maybe, no, no, no. Gee, Daria, you're tough to pick out clothes for ...
(SCENE - Daria laying in her bed, eyes open, with a worried expression.)
END OF SEGMENT 1 OF "A LEG UP ON THE COMPETITION"
No commercials in this one. If you want this to feel like a real commercial break, go raid the refrigerator.
SEGMENT 2 OF "A LEG UP ON THE COMPETITION"
(SCENE - Daria in bed sleeping. Daria tosses and turns as she pictures herself as Sandi, Stacy, Tiffany and Quinn.)
Quinn: Rise and shine, Daria!
(Daria groans.)
Daria: What time is it?
Quinn: Um, pretty early. We need time to do your makeover.
Daria: Do it while I sleep.
Quinn: I can't! Daria! C'mon, a bet's a bet!
Daria: Grrrmmpph. OK.
(Daria swings around so her feet are on the floor, but then falls backwards back on to the bed. Quinn sighs.)
(SCENE - Daria sitting in a chair, dressed in her usual nightwear of shorts and t-shirt. Quinn is pulling back her hair.)
Daria: What are you doing?
Quinn: Daria, I promised I'm not going to cut your hair, but I have to do *something* with it.
(Quinn pulls Daria's hair back, collects it into a scrunchie, and pushes some hair forward, then parts Daria's bangs in the middle so they sweep to each side.)
Quinn (frowns, not quite satisfied): OK. That's the best I can do without any cutting. Take a look in the mirror.
(Daria gets up and walks to Quinn's mirror.)
Daria: Eeep!
Quinn: What?
Daria (freaking): What did you do to my hair?
Quinn: Damn little, Daria! Geez!
(Daria looks at herself in the mirror for a few seconds and calms down.)
Daria: Hmmm. I guess it's not as bad as I thought. I *did* kinda wear it this way in grade school for a while.
Quinn: I remember. You looked halfway normal for a few years ...
Daria (offended): Hey!
Quinn: OK, OK. Now for your clothes.
Daria (sarcastic): Oh, boy, I can't wait ...
Quinn: Daria, you *have* worn blue jeans on a few occasions as I recall ...
Daria: Uh, yeah. You're putting me in blue jeans?
Quinn: Actually, no. I figured that since you always wear a skirt anyway I'd pick out a skirt - a denim skirt.
Daria: Hmmm. A denim skirt? That doesn't sound so bad. What's the catch?
Quinn: No catch. And a t-shirt in your favorite color - black.
Daria: That's it? No smiley faces? No pink? I don't have to look like I'm in the Fashion Club?
Quinn: I'm trying to dress you to match your personality, Daria. And that's *not* the Fashion Club. I put the skirt and t-shirt in the bathroom. And some sandals - how do you *stand* those clunky army boots? Go ahead and try them on.
(SCENE - Daria enters Quinn's room wearing a shortish black t-shirt that exposes an inch of her midriff and a *very* short denim skirt.)
Daria: Uh, Quinn, I think this skirt is way too short ...
Quinn: Daria! You've got it hitched up on your waist ...
(Quinn reaches out, unbuckles the belt, loosens it, and rebuckles it. It rides down on Daria's hips. Now several inches of midriff are exposed.)
Quinn: It's supposed to be a hip-hugger! There, that looks better!
(Daria looks in the mirror.)
Daria: Uh, Quinn, that's still awfully short. And now the t-shirt is too short ...
(Daria tries to pull the t-shirt down so her belly-button isn't exposed.)
Quinn: Daria! Don't do that! You'll stretch it all out of shape!
Daria (freaking): You mean it's supposed to be like this? Quinn, this is ridiculous! I can't go to school half-naked!
Quinn: 271 to 270, Daria! A bet's a bet! Besides, you're nowhere near naked! You just look normal instead of wearing that stupid pleated-thingie down to your knees like you're a Jewish nun!
Daria: Nuns are Catholic! And they wear "habits"!
Quinn: Exactly! And I'm going to change *your* habits! You'll never want to go back to your old ...
Daria: You said you were going to dress me to match my personality! I'm a "brain," remember? "Brains" don't wear skirts this short ...
Quinn: Jodie Landon's a brain. She wears skirts shorter than that!
Daria (mumbling): Er, um, I guess she does ...
Quinn: Besides, why not wear short skirts? You have "Barksdale legs".
(Daria looks down at her legs with a dubious expression.)
Daria: What? What are you talking about?
Quinn: When Mom, Aunt Rita and Aunt Amy were in high school, all the girls wore miniskirts, so it was like really really important to have good legs. And all the guys thought the Barksdale girls had really great legs! They called them "Barksdale legs." Really firm and shapely but not too muscular, that would look like they were jock-chicks or whatever.
Daria: I never heard that before ...
Quinn (solemnly): It's true. We have a proud genetic legacy, Daria!
Daria: But all the pictures I've seen of Aunt Amy in high school show her wearing long skirts ...
Quinn: Hasn't she ever told you that story? She didn't want guys staring at her legs so she wore those maxi-skirts or whatever. Then her senior year she decided it would be more fun to wear real short miniskirts and embarrass all the guys by making nasty remarks when she caught them looking at her legs. I think she only did that for a few months.
Daria: That sounds like Aunt Amy. I may have to do the same thing today. It may be the only thing that keeps me sane ...
Quinn: Don't try it on Upchuck, though. It'll just encourage him. He'll just think you're being *really* feisty!
(Daria looks down at her clothes with a worried look.)
Daria (to herself): What have I done?
(SCENE - Daria walks up to Jane's house and rings the doorbell. Jane answers.)
Jane: Hey, Dari - , (Jane notices Daria's clothes) whoah!!
Daria: Ready for school?
Jane: Um, don't you want to go home and finish dressing?
Daria: I *am* dressed. Er, um, I lost a bet to Quinn and she got to do a makeover on me.
Jane: Wow! Uh, bummer. What kind of bet?
Daria: She beat me a Scrabble after I agreed to start with the Q and not trade it in.
Jane: You stuck yourself with the Q? C'mon, Daria ...
Daria: Yeah, yeah, I know.
(They begin walking down the sidewalk.)
Jane: Don't you feel a bit, er, naked?
Daria: Don't remind me. Quinn's already yelled at me five times for tugging at this skirt and t-shirt.
(A car slows down as it's about to pass Daria and Jane. Corey is driving. He leans out and ogles Daria.)
Corey: Hey, Daria! Nice legs! Woo-hoo!
(Corey drives away. Daria is blushing.)
Daria (covering her face): Just bury me under this sidewalk ...
Jane: Hey, only seven periods of this to go!
(From off-screen, Daria hears a wolf-whistle.)
Daria: Oh, God! I'll never make it through the day. I'm going to die of humiliation ...
Jane: Y'know, Daria. Some girls like that sort of attention. You might as well try to enjoy it.
(Daria looks unhappy.)
(SCENE - O'Neill's class. Students are filing in to class and sitting down. Kevin Thompson ogles Daria openly as she walks in, awkwardly sits down with her knees pressed tightly together, and tugs the miniskirt down as far as it will go.)
Daria: Hey, sport-boy, eyes to the front!
(Kevin turns red. Brittany kicks his ankle, then glares at Daria.)
Kevin: Owww!!
Daria (to Jane): Hmmm. Maybe Aunt Amy had a point. That *was* kind of fun ...
Jane: What?
Daria: I'll tell you about it later.
Upchuck: Do I detect a sartorial change in the always-lovely Ms. Morgendorffer?
Daria: I'm not dressed as I usually am, if that's what you mean.
Upchuck: Grrrrr!! You look scrumpalicious ...
Daria: Thanks, Upchuck.
(Upchuck looks surprised at not getting a put-down.)
Jane (to Daria): "Thanks, Upchuck?"
Daria: Hey, after the wolf-whistles and gawking, Upchuck actually seemed halfway polite.
(O'Neill walks in and looks at Daria with a puzzled expression. Daria looks embarrassed and covers her face with one hand.)
(SCENE - The Fashion Club sitting at their table in the school cafeteria.)
Sandi: What's with your cousin's new look, Quinn?
Quinn: I beat her at Scrabble and finally got to do a makeover on her.
Stacy: You beat your cousin at *Scrabble*? Isn't that a game for brains?
Tiffany: Yahhhh, brainnns ...
Quinn: Um, well, she gave me a handicap. Anyway, we've always wanted to do a makeover on her, right? Doesn't she look pretty normal now?
(SCENE - Daria and Jane in the cafeteria, sitting at a table by themselves.)
Jane: Well, you've stopped tugging at your clothes. Are you getting used to them?
Daria: No, I've just given up trying not to feel so exposed. I still think half the guys in the cafeteria are staring at me.
(Jane looks around.)
Jane: Hmmm. You are getting a few glances. More than a few, actually. And mostly surreptitious.
(Daria blushes again.)
Daria: Why, Jane? I mean, I'm not the only girl here with a short skirt or bare midriff...
Jane: Well, it's a new look for you, so it gets attention. (with a hint of jealousy) Besides, maybe you look better in a miniskirt than most other girls. You know, the Barksdale legs ...
Daria: What? You know about that?
Jane: Sure. I heard your mom talking about it to my mom once.
Daria: I seem to have been the last person on earth to hear that story.
(The 3 J's walk into the cafeteria, carrying their trays. They walk past the table with the Fashion Club.)
Quinn: Hey, guys ....
(Quinn's jaw drops as they go over and sit down at Daria's table. Daria looks over at Quinn, who's still open-mouthed.)
END OF SEGMENT 2 OF "A LEG UP ON THE COMPETITION"
OK, this time take a bathroom break so it'll feel like a real commercial break. Or you could turn on MTV and wait for a "Real World" promo so it will *really* seem like a Daria commercial break. Whatever ...
SEGMENT 3 OF "A LEG UP ON THE COMPETITION"
(SCENE - Daria and Jane at their table in the cafeteria. The 3 J's are sitting across from them.)
Joey: Hey, Daria, did I ever tell you you're one of the cutest girls in school?
Daria (politely): No, Joey, not until I came to school with half as many clothes on as before.
Joey (blushing): Urpp...
(Daria smirks at Quinn, several tables away. Quinn looks stunned.)
Jamie: So, like, Daria, you want to go out with me sometime?
Daria: Gee, Jamie, I don't know. Us brains like to date chess-players, you know ...
Jamie: Hey, I'll learn chess! No problem!
Jeffy: Me, too! I already know checkers!
(Robert comes and sits and down at the table.)
Robert: Hey, Darcy ...
Daria: It's Daria ...
Robert: Sorry, ma'am. You're looking exceptionally beautiful today.
(SCENE - cut to the Fashion Club table.)
Sandi: Uh, Quinn, thanks to your makeover, all of *our* guys are drooling over your cousin ...
Tiffany (bitterly): Yahhh, Quinnn!! Thanks a looot!!
Stacy: Thanks to *you*, Quinn, they've forgotten all about *us*!
(Stacy starts sobbing loudly. Sandi frowns at Stacy and then looks at Quinn.)
Sandi: Quinn, I think you should convince your cousin to return to her former geeky look.
Quinn: Uh, I'll do what I can.
(Quinn gets up and walks over to Daria's table. There are now about ten guys gathered around Daria's table.)
Quinn (to the 3 J's): Hey, guys!
Jeffy: Hey, Quinn, we're talking to Daria. Isn't she cool?
Jamie: Yeah, she's like the cutest chick in school!
(The J's never take their eyes off Daria.)
Jeffy (to Daria): So, like, after I learn chess, can we go out?
Daria: Um, well, I guess so. Y'know, us brainy types mostly like to go to libraries and bookstores and places like that ...
Joey: I know where the bookstore is in the mall! I'll buy you a book, Daria!
Jeffy: I'll buy you a *hardcover* book!
Jamie: I'll buy you an encyclopedia!
Quinn (angry) Hey, Daria! Can we talk for a minute!?
Daria (getting up): Sure, Quinn. By the way, did I thank you for the makeover? It sure is an attention-getter!
(Daria and Quinn have walked out of earshot of the table.)
Quinn: OK, Daria, you can change back now!
Daria: But a bet's a bet!
Quinn: I, uh, forfeit ...
Daria: I didn't bring a change of clothes.
Quinn: Look, stop flirting with *our* guys ...
Daria: They're *my* guys now. And *they're* flirting with me ...
Quinn: OK, tomorrow do you go back to normal?
Daria: But, Quinn, you *wanted* me to be really pretty and popular ...
Quinn: Not *THAT* popular!
Daria (teasing): You were right, Quinn, I was the *real* winner of that Scrabble game ...
Quinn: Yeah, well, those are *my* clothes, and I'm taking them back tomorrow!
Daria: That's OK. I think I'll use the scissors to shorten one of my pleated skirts. Or maybe I can just roll up the waistline. Oh, and I think the scissors will work on a t-shirt, too. This t-shirt of yours is covering half my midriff.
Quinn (frustrated): Arggghhh!!!
(Quinn walks away.)
(SCENE - Daria and Jane at Daria's locker. Daria is exchanging books.)
Jane: Are you *really* going to keep this look, Daria? Wait 'til Trent sees you ...
Daria: Oh, God, I didn't think of that. It *is* getting Quinn's goat, though, which is kinda cool ...
(Daria hears a wolf-whistle from off-screen and blushes.)
Daria: ... and then there are the times I want to crawl into my locker and die ...
Jane: Hey, in a day or two it'll just be your normal look ...
(Sandi Griffin walks up to Daria and Jane. Sandi has an article of clothing tucked under one arm.)
Sandi (haughtily): Look, Quinn's cousin or whatever, as the foremost fashion expert in this school, I strongly recommend that you return to your previous style of dress which so suited your personality and status.
Daria: Even if I were to take recommendations from you, which I don't, I didn't bring a change of clothes with me.
Sandi: I brought you this skirt which I obtained from the drama club's wardrobe.
(Sandi holds it out and lets it unfold. It appears to be about ankle length.)
Jane: Afraid of the competition, Griffin?
Sandi (angry): What's *that* supposed to mean, Miss Artsy-Shmartsy?
Jane: Cluck-cluck-cluck-cluck!!
Sandi (furious): I do *NOT* have chicken legs!
Daria and Jane: Cluck-cluck-cluck! Cluck-cluck-cluck-cluck!!
(Sandi storms off in anger.)
Daria (shouting at the departing Sandi): I think I'll wear a halter-top and short-shorts tomorrow!
Jane: Are you serious?
(Daria blushes as she hears another wolf-whistle.)
Daria: Uh, no. But don't tell *Quinn* that.
Male voice, off-screen: Lookin' good, Morgendorffer! Can I have your phone number?
Daria (to off-screen voice): It's 1-800-D-I-E-S-C-U-M ...
Male voice: One, eight hundred, D-I-E-S-C .... (offended) Hey!
(Daria and Jane look at each other. Daria then looks down at her clothes and sighs.)
(SCENE - Morgendorffer living room. Daria is sitting on the sofa watching TV, still dressed in the miniskirt and t-shirt.)
TV (Sick Sad World theme and announcer): Faster than a speeding whisky? More powerful than a double-martini? Is the Man from Krypton flying under the influence? The drunken adventures of Stupor-Man, next on Sick Sad World!
(Quinn comes in through the front door.)
Quinn: OK, enough's enough! I got suspended from the *Fashion Club* because of you! At least until you change back!
Daria: Gee, Quinn, I kind of like my new look. Do you have a tube-top I could borrow? Y'know, to show off those Morgendorffer abs along with my Barksdale legs? Or do I have to lose a game of Candyland to get a tube-top?
Quinn: (Pleading) Daria, puh-leasssse! Go back the way you were!
Daria: You know, Quinn, I don't notice you wearing short skirts to school. Or any kind of skirts. Why not?
Quinn (nervously): Uh, no special reason ...
Daria: I'm trying to remember when I've seen you wear shorts ...
Quinn: I do, uh, sometimes ...
Daria: You're not ... *shy* about your legs, are you?
Quinn (unconvincingly): Um, no, of course not ...
Daria: Hmmm, how come I never saw *you* wearing this skirt you gave me?
Quinn: It, uh, clashes with everything else I have.
Daria: I don't think so. I'll tell you what, Quinn. I'll go back to my old look if you wear this skirt tomorrow ...
Quinn: Er, um ..., OK ...
Daria: And no leggings or anything. I want you to show off those Barksdale legs!
Quinn: Dari-AHHHH!
Daria: Oh, and one more thing. Take in the hem an inch. It's not short enough.
Quinn: Daria! Mom won't let me go to school like *that*!
Daria: Oh, Mom and Dad called. They're staying over another day. It appears our hypochondriac grandmother is actually sick. And Aunt Rita can't seem to find any flights out of Quebec City.
Quinn: But ... but ....
Daria: Another inch, Quinn. You *do* want Sandi to reinstate you, don't you?
Quinn: ... but ...
Daria: I was watching TV before you came in, and I saw Britney Spears wearing a really cool outfit that Joey, Jeffy and Jamie would just *love* to see me wear ...
Quinn (cry of frustration): Argghhh!!
(Quinn storms off. Daria watches to make sure Quinn is out of earshot. Then Daria picks up the phone and dials.)
Daria: Hello, Joey? It's Daria. (pause) Yes, very good, rooks move in a straight line, that's right. Hey, Joey, could you do me a favor? It's about Quinn. She's wearing a new skirt to school tomorrow and she'll be just devastated if nobody notices. (pause) Well, she really likes it when guys whistle at her. That's right, spread the word. Her feelings will be hurt if any of the guys ignore her. (pause) Thanks, Joey. (pause) That's right, Joey, castling is kinda tricky. Just stick with it and you'll figure it out eventually. 'Bye!
(Hangs up the phone.)
Daria (smirking to herself): This time I stuck *you* with the Q, Quinn!
(SCENE - Daria and Jane at Jane's locker. Daria is back in her usual clothes. Wolf-whistles are heard in the background, then increasingly louder. Then Quinn walks by, wearing the miniskirt, tugging at it with one hand, trying to cover her face with the other, looking angry and very red-faced.)
Quinn: Cut it out! Bunch of frikkin' lechers! Geez!
(The whistles die out, following Quinn as she disappears down the hall.)
Jane: Remind me never to beat you at Scrabble.
Daria: Remind me never to let you do a makeover on me.
(Jane looks down at Daria's skirt.)
Jane: Back to normal, eh?
Daria (Mona Lisa smile): Except that I rolled it up a few inches ...
END OF SEGMENT 3 - END OF FANFIC
Alter-Egos:
Quinn dressed like Stacy.
Daria dressed like Jane.
Jane dressed like Andrea.
Stacy dressed like Sandi.
Tiffany dressed like Helen.
Helen dressed like Defoe.
Sandi dressed like Daria.
Barch dressed like Quinn.
Defoe dressed like Barch.
Closing Theme: "Man! I Feel Like a Woman!", by Shania Twain.
I'm goin' out tonight
I feelin' alright
Gonna let it all hang out
Wanna make some noise
Really raise my voice
Yeah, I wanna scream and shout
No inhibitions
Make no conditions
Get a little outta line
I ain't gonna act politically correct
I only wanna have a good time
The best thing about bein' a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and ...
Oh, oh, oh!
Go totally crazy
forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts, short skirts
Oh, oh, oh!
Really go wild, yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh!
Get in the action
feel the attraction
Color my hair, do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh!
I wanna be free, yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman!
*****
NOTES
Thanks to Firah and Lawndale Stalker for beta-reading this fanfic.
*****
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