Regular: Daria, Quinn, Helen, Jake, Jane, Trent, Sandi, Stacy, Tiffany, Jesse

Guest: Nicholas Campbell, Max Tyler, Travis, Stan, Sally, Tina

Non-Speaking: None

After overcoming tremendous obstacles -- and taking the driver's test several times -- Daria finally obtains her driver's license, complete with requisite bad photo. Jane throws her a small celebration, where she tells Daria that she'll be driving Mystik Spiral to a gig in Fremont, which is over 100 miles away. Helen and Jake leave for a weekend marriage retreat, leaving Daria to keep an eye on Quinn and the Fashion Club. However, just as Daria is about to relax, Jane calls and asks Daria to bail her and the band out of jail. Seems they were ticketed for a traffic violation, but couldn't pay the fine. After obtaining some cash from the Lane household, Daria is off to the rescue in Jake's Lexus, with Quinn on board "in case something cool happens." Daria is a typical first-time driver: timid and slow, and easily freaked out by such things as 18-wheelers. Quinn chides Daria for her timidness and convinces her to let her drive, but abandons that plan to flirt with Travis, a singing cowboy hitchhiker they pick up. As Jane and the band endure run-ins with various jailhouse denizens, Travis manages to sweet-talk the bail money out of Quinn, forcing her and Daria to work together on a scheme to make the money back. They do, only to find that Jane and the Spiral are working off their "debt to society" by entertaining kids at a birthday party for the sheriff's daughter. Soon, the Morgendorffer girls and the Spiral entourage head home, and Daria shows that she's anything but timid when they encounter Travis once again... and Daria tries to run him over.

Daria - Look, Mike. We've been doing this on a regular basis for some time now, and I enjoy seeing you and all, but I feel like our relationship would be so much better if we could just get past this one little hurdle.
Mike - I agree, Daria. Show me you can parallel park and we'll never speak of it again.

Jane - Wow. Licensed to drive. The grotesque picture makes it official.

Nick - Whoa! This thing is really hard and cold. You think it's frozen?
Jane - Could be, Nick, could be.

Trent - We got a gig in Fremont, 100 miles away.
Daria - It's a small world after all.
Jane - If I could talk to the animals.

Daria - My dad took me with him to Fremont once on a business trip. Isn't it even deader than Lawndale?
Max - Hey, not after the Spiral gets there! We're criminales! We live life on the edge! You go up against the Spiral, we're gonna take you down!
(ice cracks)
Jesse - (shouts) We broke the cake.
Max - See what I mean?

Jake - But how should I know where you put your earrings? I don't wear the darn things.
Helen - Yes, well, I don't wear your shoes, but somehow I always trip over them.

Max - Maybe you should put that camera away. We don't want to antagonize this guy.
Trent - Hey, Max, I thought you were a criminale.
Max - I am. It's the cop I'm worried about. If he goes up against me, I mean.

Jane - I was hoping you could drag one of the these guys out of the car and beat him. Max, you're by a door.
Max - No! Cut it out!
Officer - Oh, gee, I don't think so.
Jane - What if you just kind of bumped him a little?
Max - Hey!

Daria - Oh, boy. I knew I wasn't ready for this.
Quinn - What's the matter?
Stacy - (holds up magazine) It's these shoes. (sobs) They're just so beautiful!

Daria - Please, God, no amusing surprises. Ah. (pulls notebook out) Um... maybe just a peek. "My heart is like an open wound that reads the tea leaves of its doom." What? "Soothe me with redemption's love like a heat-proof kitchen glove." God, I hope this is a first draft.

Quinn - I'm not gonna just sit here while you drive off to some far, unknown land to get your friends out of jail! What if something unexpected happens?
Daria - You're worried about me?
Quinn - Let me rephrase that: what if something cool happens?

Quinn - Tense?
Daria - No. There's a lot of stuff going on. You have no idea how complicated driving is.
Quinn - It's not so hard.
Daria - How would you know? Dah! A giant truck!

Daria - No way! We are not picking up some insane, murdering serial killer. How reckless can you get?
Quinn - He's not a killer. I recognize him. It's... Sandi's cousin from Memphis.
Daria - Mom and Dad would crucify us.
Quinn - (sarcastically) Right, but taking the car out for a hundred-mile joyride won't bother them at all.

Daria - We have to get to Fremont and bail out the band.
Travis - Band? Hey, what a coincidence! I'm a musician, too.
Daria - Well, bust my legs and call me Shorty.
Quinn - Play us something, Travis.
Travis - Do you like country music?
Quinn - It's practically the only music I can listen to.
Daria - Wait, I thought...
Quinn - Shut up, Shorty.

Daria - Oh, no. This is very bad. Very bad.
Quinn - What's wrong?
Daria - A cute cowboy stole our money!
(commercial bumper music begins, then is interrupted)
Quinn - Um, actually...

Quinn - Oh, Daria. Are we that desperate that we have to resort to the truth?
Daria - When this is all over, remind me to run screaming into the night.

Quinn - We'll be through the criminal justice system and home in time for Buffy. Good thinking, Daria!
Daria - Shut up, Shorty.

Officer - Now, I'm not gonna have to come out and stop you from chasing your husband with a skillet again, am I?
Woman - Well, that depends. You think you can come out and stop him from saying or doing something stupid first?
Officer - I wish. But I don't have time to ride herd on every stupid man in this county. Especially judges.

Daria - I'm not timid.
(Daria accelerates and aims car at Travis)
Quinn - What are you doing? Daria? Daria!
(Quinn screams as Daria runs over Travis' suitcase)
Daria - Okay, now do you think I'm timid?
Quinn - Um, no.

Driving's Not That Hard: Daria finally has gotten her drivers' license after what seemed like many attempts (the real trick is to find places to park so you never need to parallel park). It is interesting to see how rattled Daria got by highway driving. Most people get nervous the first couple of times they're on the highway, anyway, but being nervous about something like this is relatively new territory for her (with the notable exception of the "crush").

Your Mission, If You Choose to Accept It: I liked the way Jane gave Daria directions on getting the bail money. It shows real trust. Jane trusts Daria to get the dough and Trent's songbook and Daria trusts Jane enough to drive a hundred miles to get her out of the slammer.

Responsible Move of the Week: Not to say that Trent is always irresponsible (just most of the time), but I would think that he would at least remember to check if he had his songbook before leaving for a gig such a long distance away? I'm not that surprised that Daria didn't read more of it, considering the part that she did read.

Uh Oh #1: Daria's first major obstacle to "completing her mission" was Quinn's tag-along. The last thing that Daria needs is for her sister to be around when she takes the car (and thus, making herself an accessory). Quinn got in the way from the beginning by commandeering the car's radio.

Driving Dates: How many of Quinn's dates have let her drive their cars around? It seems that she's driven enough to be comfortable with driving -- or at least enough to feign being comfortable. Daria doesn't have too much room (but enough) to call her reckless, when she took the car and then let Quinn drive it.

Uh Oh #2: Never pick up hitchhikers, under any circumstances! If you do, you run the risk of having something unexpected happen. This is exactly why Daria didn't want Quinn along on the trip: she is prone to doing stupid things for charming guys. I liked the fake commercial bumper (I came this close to stopping my VCR early). It caught me by surprise and allowed for a better explanation of how the money was lost than just "the nice hitchhiker took it" (that would have been too easy). Quinn's "that's not exactly true" had me laughing out loud.

Jailbait: The Fremont police station had its share of odd detainees. There was the judge's wife with the tattoos and the guy who had a hand in the careers of many of the most influential people in music history. They were both useful to our heroes for a get out of jail (almost) free card. Good thing the sheriff needed entertainment for his daughter's birthday party.

Weenie of the Week: That would be Max of Mystik Spiral. He wasn't much of the tough "criminale" that he said he was. The rest of them weren't too bad; Trent was his usual cool, Jesse added a word or two to his already overflowing vocabulary (it was "cake," I think), and the other guy wasn't too annoying.

Teamwork: Daria and Quinn compliment each other more than they probably realize. It's almost as if you could get a nearly perfect person if you incorporated all of their traits. Quinn's plan to get the money back was a good idea but it ended up requiring Daria to make it work. Quinn charmed the cowboys and Daria made them realize that they were legit (or at least smart enough to remember the lyrics to a Conway Twitty song that they just heard).

There's not much more to add except that if I were to pick one episode to show the uninitiated to try to sell them on Daria, it would be this one. I think that is the highest compliment I can pay.

The Bottom Line: "Speedtrapped" trapped me. Almost utterly flawless.

Grade: A

Copyright © 1999 Mike Quinn [All Rights Reserved]. Used with permission. The views presented here are those of the author, and may or may not necessarily be those of Outpost Daria.