
Episode Guide
"Write Where it Hurts"
Episode #213 - August 3, 1998
Written by Glenn Eichler
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Cast |
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Regular:
Daria,
Quinn,
Helen,
Jake,
Jane,
Trent,
Brittany,
Kevin,
Jodie,
Mack,
Joey,
Jeffy,
Jamie,
Jesse,
Mr. DeMartino,
Mr. O'Neill
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Plot Summary |
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Mr. O'Neill's class assignment on moral fiction is giving Daria a bit of a problem... namely, she's already read all the books on his reading list. This inspires Mr. O'Neill to give Daria a special assignment: rather than read a story with moral dimensions, he wants her to write a story with moral dimensions. She's not exactly enthused, and her first few stories -- riffs on The Graduate, with Jane disrupting Kevin and Brittany's wedding and running away with him, and Jane Austin's Sense and Sensibility, with Daria and Quinn as sisters being courted by various English suitors (who are driven away by talk of marriage) -- definitely show it. Helen tries to help Daria get over her writer's block (between phone calls and rescuing Jake from his latest culinary adventures), but manages to completely alienate her daughter by trying to compare her to Quinn. Upset and angry, her next story is probably her worst effort to date: Helen and Jake as laid-back parents, with Daria as the "good daughter" and Quinn as the "other one." After confiding her worries to Jane, blowing off a remorseful Helen, and writing yet another sub-standard story, she tries to get advice from Mr. O'Neill... bad advice, as it turns out, since it doesn't help her one bit. Just when she's totally convinced that she's a no-talent hack, Helen manages to cut through her defenses and give her what turns out to be good, solid advice: write something honest, something that she'd like to see, rather than trying so hard to write something "meaningful." Inspired, and not a little impressed by Helen's insight, Daria proceeds to write an honest, meaningful story about how she'd like to see her family in the future: Helen retired from the law firm, Jake happily retired and stress-free (after a triple bypass), and Quinn a mature, responsible parent of four. Though Daria still doesn't think she's accomplished her goal, Helen's proud, tearful hugging of her oldest daughter proves otherwise. |
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Interesting Tidbits |
Continuity:
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Memorable Quotes |
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Daria - It's a book. For school. About how fiction should do more than just entertain. Helen - That sounds interesting. Daria - Yeah. A writer writing a book about how writers should write books. Must have been a huge seller. Daria - Let's see... nobody talked to me again this week, I wasn't invited to any parties for the weekend, and I think I'm getting one of those really painful cold sores. So all in all, another great week. Mr. O'Neill - So, what Gardner is telling us is that the writer of fiction has a duty that goes beyond the mere telling of a story. His or her job is to tell a story in such a way as to leave the reader... what, Kevin? Kevin - Screaming for more full-contact martial arts excitement? Kevin - People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. I got one, babe. I got one! (Mr. O'Neill begins sobbing) Mr. O'Neill - Well, why don't you write a story taking people you know in real life and turning them into fictional characters? Daria - I wonder if anyone would notice a difference. Jane - What's the problem? Take people you know and have them do whatever you want. I'd make them crawl, I tell you. Crawl! Daria - Easy, tiger. (Daria's story) Minister - And do you, Kevin, take this pulchritudinous woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? Jane - (muffled) Kevin! Kevin - I, uh... what did you say? Minister - I said, do you, Kevin, assume legal responsibility for this overripe specimen of femalehood standing next to you? The one in white, son! Daria - I mean, if I were going to write about mating rituals, I think I'd go back a couple hundred years, when women either married or shriveled up and blew away. Jane - Instead of marrying and then shriveling up, like they do now? (Daria's story) Miss Morgendorffer - Mr. Lane's temperament, outlook, indeed, his very manners are such as to arouse bemusement rather than endearment in the object of his attentions. Miss Quinn - Huh? Miss Morgendorffer - He's flaky. (Daria's story) Miss Morgendorffer - Dear sister, I would hope that whoever does become Lady Lane does so out of regard for Mr. Lane and not for his estate. Miss Quinn - What about his car? Miss Morgendorffer - Hmm... (Daria's story) Miss Quinn - Oh, sister, your wit and judgment assure that you will marry not only well, but wisely. (Miss Quinn and Miss Morgendorffer embrace) Mr. Lane - Did she say "marry"? Mr. Moreno - Yeah. (guys turn horses around and gallop away) Daria - How can you talk to me about Quinn? She'll never have this kind of problem. It involves thinking. You make me tell you what's wrong, in between calls, and then you bring up Quinn? Don't you know me at all? (leaves) (Daria's story) Daria - Shouldn't we comfort her or something? Jake - (laughs) Oh, let her go. Helen - She'll get over it. Daria - We should at least tell her about that eight-lane highway they built outside the house during the night. Jake - Hmm... you may be right. (cars collide outside) Helen - That can't be good. (more cars collide) Quinn - Ow! God! Jane - Let me get this straight: you're telling me you want to write something, not just anything, that says something about something. Daria - Right. Jane - Gee. Who'd ever believe you're having trouble communicating. Helen - Daria? Daria, the TV's not on. Daria - Shh! I'm watching this. Daria - When the hell did you learn so much about me? Helen - It's a funny thing, Daria. You give birth to someone, you just get an urge to keep tabs on them. (Daria's story) Daria - Mom... you know I'm not ready for kids. The whole idea makes me uneasy and I'm not sure why. (Quinn enters with children) Girl - Give me that! Boy - No, it's mine! Girl - Mommy! Daria - Oh, yeah. Now I remember. (Daria's story) Quinn - You know where Grandma's TV is. Go watch something educational. (kids scamper into living room) SSW Announcer - Breast implants for chickens... Quinn and Daria - Not that! Daria - It's not very good, is it? Helen - (tearfully) Oh, Daria... Daria - It wasn't that bad. (Helen sobs and embraces Daria) Daria - Stop, stop! This isn't a story, it's real life! Jane - Well, listen, now that you've got such a great attitude and everything, can I have your boots? Daria - Yeah. Turn around and I'll give you one right now. Jane - Daria, do you think... someday... I can read your story? Daria - No. But you can read the one where you run away with Kevin. Jane - What?! |
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Mike Quinn's Delayed Reaction Review |
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Recycled Joke of the Week:
Usually, I don't pick up on this sort of thing, but I've heard the line "What's the number for 911" on The Simpsons before. I'm not accusing the writers of this episode of stealing material; but if they did at least they used one of the best. However, I hope this doesn't become a consistent thing; and that it be kept to a minimum. |